I'm reviewing a movie about Snow White so it would have been great if I had a fractal of that title: since I didn't I chose Winter White as today's fractal "cookie". Now--on with the review of Mirror Mirror.
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Revisionist fairy tales have been around for quite a while: I first came across the idea with the FIRST televised edition of Once Upon A Mattress (starring Carol Burnett, Ken Berry, Jack Gilford and Bernadette Peters). In the years that followed I had quite a broad choice of fantasy novels and now movies and television have caught up. Right now Snow White seems to be the current favorite: she's featured prominently in Once Upon A Time and two separate theatrical releases. Mirror Mirror was just released to tepid reviews and reception while Snow White And The Huntsman bows in June.
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Mirror Mirror follows (at least initially) the standard fairy tale. Snow White (Lily Collins--who looks perfect for the role) is as sweet and plucky as she is pretty. Her stepmother the Queen (and that's all the name she gets) is played by Julia Roberts is obsessed by beauty and power. Snow is destined to meet Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer--from The Social Network). Both Snow and the Prince encounter the Seven Dwarfs (not Dwarves a la Walt Disney)--villagers exiled into banditry by the Queen's decree. The apple is involved but the story changes from there bu it still ends with the requisite "happily ever after" (and a weird Bollywood dance number).
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The movie tries to be all things to all people with limited success. The romance works well enough but not all the action and comedy bits go over. Some are good but many just left me cold. The whole script seemed curiously flat--until the very end of the movie when things changed vastly for the better. The actors work well with what little they've got--but only Julia Roberts manages to rise above the mediocre script. Mirror Mirror is interestingly shot with a painterly quality that reminds me of paintings by the Brothers Hildebrandt. Costuming and Set Design are suitable fantastic and like nothing you've seen and almost make it worth the price of admission--to a matinee at least.
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In the end, Mirror Mirror simply isn't funny, exciting or dramatic enough to really succeed. It is all that BAD but really isn't all that GOOD either. I really wanted to like this movie and was sadly disappointed when it wasn't what Id hoped. The movie should be out on DVD soon enough but you might want to wait until you can see it for free on television.
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FINAL GRADE: C
I looked through my fractal galleries for hours trying to find a remotely-suitable fractal "cookie" for the review of The Hunger Games but came up with zip. In the end I chose Cross Spiral mainly because I thought it was kinda cool and I hadn't used it before. So--after a brief personal confession on with the review!
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I'm a "late adopter" from a family of late adopters: our household was way behind the curve getting a microwave and an answering machines. ATM Cards were in common usage before I got one and "Pottermania" was sweeping the world before I read J.K. Rowling's first novel. When The Hunger Games was released I gave it a pass: to me it seemed like just another work of dystopian sci fi. Still, the movie came out to pretty much universal praise so I decided to have a look. What I saw was pretty amazing but I was left wanting more.
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Suzanne Collins, author of The Hunger Games came up with the idea for the novel after serving in the Middle East and watching Survivor on television. The fable she created of children battling to the death featured bits on stylists, coaches and show producers that put an interesting spin on the story. And, of course there's a romantic triangle to get the teenie-boppers invested and just enough politics to pique the curiosity of the intelligentsia. Still, enough about the plot--if you want the rest of the story read the books or see the movie.
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Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss inhabits her role and gives a stoic perforamnce: I don't know what it is about her acting but there's something in her performance that makes you root for her. Josh Hutcheson (Peeta) and Liam Hemsworth (Gale) are the other two sides of the triangle. Hutcheson plays his cardboard character well but Hemsworth doesn't have enough screen time to make much of an impression. (He'll play a larger part in the sequels.) The big moments come from supporting players Stanley Tucci (channeling Ryan Seacrest in the role of Ceasar Flckerman) Wes Bentley (who has the unenviable task of playing Seneca Crane--show runner of The Hunger Games broadcast), and Donald Sutherland as President Snow (a deep-thinking father figure with a heart as cold as his last name.) I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Elizabeth Banks in the role of Effie Trinket who gets credit for surviving the outlandish costumes she has to wear. Mark my words--you'll see some of these folks come Oscar time! The Hunger Games should be well-represented at the 2013 Oscars in Makeup, Cinematography and Set Design.
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Going in to The Hunger Games I was a bit worried that I might not be able to fully understand the story without having read the books: the good news is that you don't need the books to enjoy the movie. Still, more than once I found myself asking "who is...?" or "why did they...?" or some other similar question. That being said--I LOVE explanations and I suspect most folk won't even notice that many plot points are left out.
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The Hunger Games isn't one of the best movies of all time but it's certainly one of the best this year. Makes me wonder why the studio decided to release it so early in the year and why they had such a severe press embargo until literally the day before the movie opened: that's usually a sign the studio doesn't have faith in the release. Still, the movie is well worth seeing and I imagine it will play well if you see it more than once.
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FINAL GRADE: A
Writing a review of John Carter meant I had to go directly to Ares as today's fractal cookie. So--on with the review!
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I've always had a fascination with John Carter even though I never managed to read the novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs (creator of Tarzan for those of you not in the know). When I heard they were finally turning into a movie I was really excited. I hadn't been more excited to see a movie since Cowboys And Aliens. Sadly, like Cowboys and Aliens I was sorely disappointed. Watching John Carter on screen I found myself flashing back to "C%A" but not in a good way.
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John Carter (Taylor Kitsch--who I've never heard of before) is a done as a pretty standard anti-hero (in this case a Civil War vet who gets zapped to the planet Mars) where he finds his soul and unites warring factions to fight a bigger menace. (Sounds like Cowboys And Aliens doesn't it?) The other characters are cardboard as well who exist only to move the story ahead. Worse, the slow pace and overly talky first half make the two hour plus running time seem more like four.
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The movie reportedly cost upwards of 250 million dollars but I sure didn't see it on the screen. Yes, there were lots of animated four-armed martians (well enough done and looking a lot like 3D versions of Boris Vallejo art) and some cool-looking critters. The ships reminded me a lot of those I'd seen in Cowboys And Aliens (not a good thing considering the similarities of the two films) The script didn't thrill me (although there was a nice, completely unexpected bit of a twist at the end that was pretty darn cool). Worse, Robyn and I shelled out an additional seven bucks to see it in 3D--NOT worth it! (In fact the 3D FX were virtually unnoticeable.)
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I really wish I'd have had something better to say about the movie but I just don't. The nicest thing I could say is that Robyn didn't hate it as much as I did--but even she didn't love it. There's really no reason to rush out to the theater to see this--or buy it when it comes out on DVD. Rent it if you must see it--or better yet wait 'til it comes out on HBO or Showtime (if you have a premium movie network).
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FINAL GRADE: C- (and that's being kind)
A review of a movie based on The Borrowers needs a "Tiny" image: I chose Tiny 49 because it reminded me of some of the colors and images in The Secret World Of Arietty. So--on with the review!
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You've gotta love the Japanese for their penchant for taking obscure British fantasy novels and turning them into lyrical animated films. They did it wiith Howl's Moving Castle (by Dianna Wynne Jones) and now they've done it with The Borrowers by Mary Norton. I'm not exactly sure how but a studio in Japan has teamed up with Disney to bring the movie to a broader audience. I remember reading the novel and seeing a Hallmark TV Movie when I was much younger--but honestly I don't remember much about either. I guess that means I have no preconcieved notions about the movie. Still, I didn't find myself being surprised by the plot so I guess the plots are basically the same.
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The story is a fairly simple one: the last family of Borrowers--tiny people who live inside the walls and under the floorboards of a ramshakle old country home, make their living by taking just what they need by the gigantic "human beans" who reside above. Young Arietty (voiced by Bridgid Mendler) is on her first "borrowing" and is "seen" by sickly young "bean" Shawn. (Being "seen" is the ultimate disaster for Borrowers since human curiosity eventually causes calamity). Plucky Arietty and Shawn form a tentative friendship over the objections of her parents Pod (voiced by a surprisingly low-key Will Arnett) and Homily (Amy Poehler--in full hysterical mode). They also attract the attention of housekeeper Hara (voiced by Carol Burnett--bringing the crazy). What happens afterward? Read the book or see the movie!'
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A couple of things really struck me about The Secret World Of Arietty: the hand-drawn images are nothing less than utterly gorgeous. There's a sweet, old-fashioned quality in the movie that Robyn and I really enjoyed (but younger folks might find a bit too slow). Still, the scenes, mostly drawn from a tiny person's point of view, are a joy to behold. I loved the depth of rendering and the soft, subtle, dare I say romantic? coloring. (See this movie on as large a screen as possible to appreciate all the details.) Some may find the celtic-inspired soundtrack a bit sicky-sweet but we both liked it (even if we didnt remember anything but the general tone after we left the theater). I'm not a huge "anime" fan so I wasn't completely surprised by the nods to Japanes culture in a quintisentially "English" movie (eating with chopsticks, reading from right to left and removing shoes in the house) but to me this just added to the quirk charm that infused the entire experience.
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The Secret World Of Arietty probably moves too slow for younger kids but older childern (and more importantly their parents and grandparents) will enjoy. Fans of fast paced action-packed cartoons won't like this movie but it would appeal to general audiences and sci-fi and fantsy fans in particular. Go see it on the big screen if you can--rent it when it comes out if you can't.
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FINAL GRADE: A
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NOTE: checking IMDB for info I found there was a UK and US version with different voice casts. I don't know why: needless to say I reviewed the US version.
A review of the 2012 Academy Awards telecast needs an image that's "Oscar" gold. That's why I chose Golden Rose Circles as today's fractal cookie. Because you demanded it (OK, you didn't demand it but I'm doing it anyway Alison) I'm going to give my take on this year's awards. Now--on with the review!
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I had the strangest feeling I'd inadvertently time-tripped (again) watching the latest Academy Awards show. Billy Crystal was back for a ninth time (after being gone for I-don't-know-how-many years) and the lion's share of the awards went to a silent movie (The Artist) and a pic about the early days of film (Hugo) and a lot of old poops were up for awards. (Meryl Streep and Christopher Plummer both took home awards.) All in all it was a "nice" show: Crystal's hosting wore like a pair of old brown loafers (comfortable and easy to take but nothing to write home about) and there weren't any controversial moments to talk about. Still, you gotta give him credit for being more animated than James Franco at last year's awards. Yes, I suppose we could mention Streep upsetting Viola Davis to take the Best Actress Oscar but not even that was all to surprising.
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WHAT I LIKED
Billy Crystal's opening film montage was wildly amusing (and I love the inside joke involving Justin Bieber). He also had the best joke I'd heard in a long time: "nothing eases the pain of these tough economic times like watching millionaires give each other golden statuettes." (It's funny because it's true!) For me the best moment of the whole show happened on the Red Carpet when Sacha Bron Cohen spilled "ashes" all over Ryan Seacrest (who was NOT happy about it!) I also particularly enjoyed Chris Rock commenting on the difficulty of doing animated film and Olivia Spencer's acceptance speech--probably the only truly genuine moment in the whole show.
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WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE
Most of the "bits" in the show fell completely flat: Ben Stiller fell flat in his skit with Emma Stone and the filmed bits didn't work at all (I'm thinking of the "focus group" bit). There weren't any "best song" performances and that was a disappoint to me (although probably not a lot of other folk). While I enjoyed the Cirque Du Soleil scene I found myself wondering what the hell it was doing in the show. The speeches were all canned and there wasn't a bit of controversy to spice things up. This year's fashion ranged from pretty good to pretty OK but all the looks had the same basic quality. I found myself longing for a truly bad fashion moment. (The looks were so uniform that the Fashion Police on E! didn't even have a "worst dressed" segment!) Where were Tilda Swinton, Mickey Roarke and Helena Bonham-Carter when we needed them to bring the crazy? Ah well--at least that gives me a transition to talk about what you came to look at the blog for...
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THE FASHIONS
Jennifer Lopez packed ten pounds of "ah-OO-ga!" into a five-pound dress and was so smoking hot that even gay guys wanted to do her. Of course it helps that she brought a little controversy with the "did she or didn't she?" have a nip-slip. (She didn't. Trust me on this one.) To me she was far and away the best dressed of the night.
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Cameron Diaz was vanilla fabulousness in her dress while Gwyneth Paltrow wowed in a white column dress and matching cape. Octavia Spencer represented for the big girls in her beaded gown and Penelope Cruz looked amazing in slate blue. Rooney Mara looked like a dominatrix-bride and what was up with the "boob awnings" on her dress. You gotta give Viola Davis credit for showing up in the hair God gave her (instead of her usuall wig): she looked stunning in emerald green.
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What was up with Angelica Jolie? As usual she looked pretty darn good (this year in basic black) but I couldn't figure out what that pose was all about. Was she trying to be funny? Was she desperate to show off how good her muscle tone was? Did she get a little sumpum-sumpum in the limo on the way over? Was it a lingering case of jungle rot? Inquiring minds want to know! ANYway--Angie's right leg has over 15,000 Twitter followers--way more than J-Los nipple...
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Michele Williams channeled her inner "lipstick lesbian" in an orange monstrosity that fashionistas went crazy for. Me, I've thought she looked like a pencil with a lace doily around the middle. Natalie Portman was a fashion DON'T in a vintage red-orange polka dot mess. I probably bag on America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock but the black and white thing she was wearing looked like an ill-fitting potato sack. Jessica Chastain looked like she'd stolen the curtains from a Gothic funeral home in her gold-beaded black dress but at least you gotta give her credit for being memorable. I'm not sure what was going on with Kristin Wiig's flesh-toned chiffon-ruffled--THING but I really didn't like it. No guys stood out as exceptionally good OR bad this year.
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I couldn't comment on this year's fashions without mentioning Melissa McCarthy. The fashionista crowd sandbagged her (as usual) but I liked the romantic blush gown (even if all the bejeweling was a bit much). Still, somebody needs to take that girl and get her hair done!
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Ratings were up (however slightly) this year but the show just didn't *CLICK!* with viewers and I don't know why. Still, you can bet I'll be back next year with another awards show review.
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'nuff said.
Usually I try and bribe my "loyal readers" (ha!) with a fractal cookie for dropping by and reading my random ravings. Sadly, there will be no cookies this time--for two reasons. 1) I couldn't find a fractal that seemed even remotely appropriate for a review of Wanderlust (and now you know what I'll be talking about) 2) this movie is SO BAD I didn't feel it DESERVED a cookie! So--on with the review if you aren't completely turned off by the first paragraph...
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I may not be a complete fan of "gross-out" comedies but I have a pretty high tolerance: yes I cringed at movies like American Pie and There's Something About Mary--but frankly I laughed my ass off while I was watching. Judd Apatow is the uncrowned King of the Gross-Out Comedy: I laughed so hard my face hurt at movies like The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up so I was kind of looking forward to Wanderlust. Sadly, I was doomed to disappointment.
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The basic plot goes something like this George (Paul Rudd) and Linda (Jennifer Anniston) are a couple of desperate Manhattanites living successful, if unhappy, lives. When their fortunes change and they lose everything they had off to Atlanta for a job with George's odious brother Rick (Ken Marino--who also shares writing credits for this travesty). In need of sleep the pair pull off at the Elysium Bed and Breakfast--only to discover they've wandered into an "Intentional Community" (AKA a commune right out of the free-lovin' 1960s.) George quickly finds he likes the place--but Linda not so much so when things quickly go sour with his brother he takes them back to join the group for good and all. Now it's Linda who gets into the groove while George finds himself on the outside looking in. Add some complications involving the "spiritual center of the group Seth (played by Annistons' real life boyfriend Justin Theroux). Eventually everything spins out and (almost) everybody gets their happy ending.
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There are many problems with the movie--start with cardboard characters that are none-too-likable and give them a script that's very long on gross and critically short on funny. (You know you're in bad shape when NOBODY in the entire theater is laughing.) I found it particularly telling when I'm watching one off the outtakes at the end of the movie where Paul Rudd is doing a bit in a mirror (that is as long and painful as it is unfunny). He ends up saying "I'm grossing myself out!" Sorry guy--you grossed us out long ago--and we weren't laughing with you! There's plenty of full-frontal nudity--but sadly none of it you want to see. The language is frankly strong (even by my standards and I have a pretty good tolerance for strong language). Far too many of the situations are cringeworthy--and I could have handled all of that if only the movie had been FUNNY!
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Ordinarily I'd note that I was the only one NOT laughing in the theater (like when I went to see The Hangover) but this time nobody in a half-full theater was laughing. Don't waste your money on this crap--don't even rent Wanderlust when it comes out on video (probably some time next week). This isn't the worst movie I've ever seen but it sure comes close.
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FINAL GRADE: F
I wasn't sure what image I was going to use for today's review. I thought about Ares (since I'll be chatting about This Means War) but that seemed a bit obvious. Then I considered maybe something like Blast or Ka-BOOM! since there are so many explosions in the film but that seemed rather obvious as well. I finally settled on MixIt mainly because the movie tries to mix the action and romance genres. How well did that work? You can probably guess from the title. Ah well--on with the review...
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It must be unbelievably hard to be Reese Witherspoon's character Lauren in This Means War. Poor thing has had to move from Atlanta to Los Angeles where she has a job she's both good at and really enjoys not to mention a truly fabulous loft. Of course, she was cheated on by her oh-so-cute boyfriend and she's down in the dumps. But that's OK, very soon she meets two cute guys--FDR (played by Chris Pine, AKA Captain Kirk in the latest Star Trek incarnation) and Tuck (Tom Hardy who was in Inception) and hits if off with both of them! Both guys just happen to be CIA Agents AND best friends and both of them really like her as well! (They are in the midst of dealing with a murderous arms dealer out to kill both of them.) Will Lauren choose womanizer FDR who is secretly a wounded puppy inside or Tuck the sweet, sincere divorced dad? Will the guys have their friendship strained as they both pursue the girl? Will Heinrich the arms dealer end up capturing the girl to draw the guys to him where she finally chooses the right guy? You can probably already guess the answers to these questions without even setting foot inside the theater.
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You can probably guess I had some real issues with this movie: it's impossible NOT to love Reese Witherspoon in full-on "cutie-pie" mode but it's a bit annoying when whatever choice she makes is the right one. Chris Pine has the "cheeseball womanizer with a heart of gold" part down pat but you have to wonder how tatted-up Brit bad boy Tom Hardy ever got into the CIA! His character Tuck seems awfully intertwined with FDR's family (he's almost a surrogate brother but that's never explained.) Still Hardy manages to balance sweet guy and badass with equal finesse. I also wondered how these supposedly-dedicated Agents could use CIA Spy Tech to spy on Lauren and each other to further their relationship. The action bits were don well enough but there was nothing particularly new or unusual to be seen.
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Honestly I could have gotten past the clockworks plot but the action and romance never quite mixed (like oil and water). All the secondary characters exist merely to move the story along and the performances are pretty cardboard. Yes, it's a nice-enough little movie to enjoy as a bit of an escape but a dip in This Means War won't even get your feet wet. Not that there's a lot else out there to see (other than Oscar contenders) but you could easily wait until it comes out on video. Also--if you miss it, you haven't missed much.
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FINAL GRADE C-
