Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Two Movie Reviews One Post!

I chose Delicate 2 as today's fractal cookie mainly because it has a "2" in the title (since I'm reviewing two movies) and I don't think I've ever used it in a post before.  So--on with the reviews!
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THE ADVENTURES OF TIN TIN
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What can I say about The Adventures Of Tin Tin?  It's based on a comic series that's hugely popular all over Europe and the motion-capture animated movie is directed by Steven Spielberg so you know it's going to be a class act.  The action starts pretty much from the opening credits and never lets up until the end (and that's one of the few points where things slow down a bit.)  The animation is beautiful and, for once, humans don't look like weirdly-animated wax dolls (as in The Polar Express). The voice cast, Jamie Bell (as the title character), Andy Serkis (as Captain Haddock), Daniel Craig as the villainous Sakharine and Nick Frost and Simon Pegg as Detectives Thomson and Thompson are first rate.  There is just the right mix of action, comedy and suspense that will keep the entire family entertained.  Yes, there are a few little bits that left this sour old critic shaking his head a bit but what of it?  This is just a huge tub of escapist fun--just what I go to the movies for!  We saw the movie in 3D.  Dunno if the 3D FX were really needed to enhances our enjoyment of the movie but they are certainly well done and I didn't find myself feeling ripped off for needing to spend the extra cash for the tickets.  All in all it was the perfect movie for Christmas Day.
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FINAL GRADE: A
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SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS
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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's most famous creation gets another "steampunk" outing in the movie sequel. I really enjoyed the first movie (gave it an "A" I think) but I couldn't shake the feeling that I've seen this all before.  The first time they pulled out the bag of tricks I was impressed but this time I came away with the feeling of "so--what else is new?"  Robert Downey Jr. chews the scenery as the title character but just doesn't seem to be having fun.  Likewise Jude Law as Dr. Watson--but at least he isn't relegated to bumbling sidekick in this role.  At least he gets a bit of story for himself.  Jared Harris as Professor Moriarity is pretty much one-note as the villain but Stephen Fry has fun with the role of Myrcorft Holmes.  The rest of the cast was pretty much forgetable.
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The script has Holmes trying to stop Moriarity from starting a world war (for a surprisingly pedestrian reason).  That was a cool idea for amping up the character but the FX and pretty much everything else are a redux of the 2009 movie.  If you like that sort of thing then rush out and see this movie, if not--wait a bit and rent it.  I was well and truly disappointed by this sequel.
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FINAL GRADE C+ 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

White Christmas Proves "Old Chestnuts" Can Still Be Good

I chose Winter Stars as today's fractal "cookie" because I never did a White Christmas (which I will be reviewing here) fractal.  (Dunno why but I didn't.)  So, on with the review!
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White Christmas has a long and complex history.  A lot of people don't know the song came from a 1942 movie called Holiday Inn (starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire).  12 years later the movie titled White Christmas (again starring "Der Bingle"--this time with Danny Kaye) was released and the song was featured prominently.  Flash forward fifty some-odd years the movie was adapted for the stage and turned into a "jukebox musical" but the addition of a bunch of Irving Berlin songs that weren't featured in the movie.
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The story begins in World War Two where buddies Captain Bob Wallace and Pvt. Phil Davis are entertaining the troops with a song and dance routine which gets interrupted by General Henry Waverly.  (This sets up the plot for later.)  Flash forward a dozen years and Wallace and Davis (Davis and Wallace) are a famous duo getting ready to leave for Christmas in Miami.  Before they leave the duo goes off to check out a "Sister Act" (Betty and Judy Haynes) for their new review and, as it can only happen in a musical, sparks fly.  Phil decides that Bob needs to fall in love.  Phil hijacks Bob to an Inn in Vermont where the girls are working for the Holidays.  Oh, and the Inn just happens to be run by now-retired General Waverly (and the Inn is in deep trouble).  Bob hatches a plan to save the Inn by putting on a show.  Misunderstandings and hijinks ensue but everybody ends up happy.
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Once you get past the plot that was old when Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney were making their movies and an incident that seems very out of character for one of the girls, this turns out to be a surprisingly pleasant little diversion.  Yeah, the songs are kind of stuck in there (this is a Jukebox Musical after all) but they are well done.  Just to ramp up the "cheeesetastity" they even have a belter a la Ethel Merman and a "Broadway Baby" who is cute as a button with a big voice.  Who could ask for more?  The cast sings and dances with style and verve.  The orchestra (three touring musicians supplemented by an unknown number of local players) are first rate with nary a missed note.  This chorus seems large and does a fine job supporting the leads.  The sets and costumes are nicely done There's even a "snowfall" over the audience to heighten the Christmas magic.
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Yes, White Christmas is an old chestnut--but it's a well-polished one.  And really--isn't Christmas the time for chestnuts?  There's not an ounce of irony or mean-spiritedness in the show and it just makes you feel good.  I don't know if I could take this show every year but it sure got me in the holiday spirit.  Check it out if you're looking for some seasonal fun that the whole family can enjoy.
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FINAL GRADE: A    

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Hugo: Art, Arty, Artsy or Artsy-Fartsy?

I chose Gears as today's fractal cookie for my review of Hugo because the movie has quite a lot of them; a mechanical man plays a big part of the movie, the title character repairs clocks (among other mechanical things) and even lives in one.  Now, on with the review.
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Hugo may be the most beautifully-realized film since Avatar.  Every frame is a work of art.  The sets are gorgeous, the costumes perfect, the lighting and cinematography are somber delights.  Too bad they felt the need to populate this exquisite landscape with characters that move like clockwork to advance the all-too-familiar plot.  Mind you, everyone involved plays their parts with the perfection of a fine Swiss watch.  I found myself appreciating the performance but I could never get past the fact that all the characters were nothing more than cogs in a machine.  (Still, that well may have been part of the movie's message so maybe I shouldn't complain.)
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Asa Butterfield (in the title role) doesn't exhibit a lot of emotional highs or lows in the role but he manages to rise to the challenge.  Sir Ben Kingsley (Georges) is a grumpy old man with a mysterious past.  Sacha Baron Cohen  dials downthe crazy as Station Inspector.  (He has a side story involving a cautious romance with a young lady who runs the cafe in the Paris Train Station.)  Christopher Lee, Jude Law and Ray Windstone have small but well-done roles in the movie.  I didn't recognize any of the rest of the cast but they all played their parts with precision.
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Now for the big bitches: I saw this is 3D (the only way it was showing anywhere close to me) and this is one of the many movies that didn't benefit from 3D technology.  The 3D added nothing but $3.75 a ticket--and I could really have done without that.  Likewise several times I found the script and direction seeming to shout "look at how clever I am!" and that was a bit bothersome.  (I want to discover the cleverness for myself--not have it shoved in my face.)  Every character, every nuance exists for the sole purpose of advancing the story and there isn't a genuine moment in the entire movie.
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I think the saddest thing I can say about Hugo is this: "I'm glad I saw the movie but I can't say I enjoyed it."  Yes, the beauty of each and every shot deserves to be seen on a big screen.  That being said, there's not a lot of action or drama and if I wasn't so fascinated by the shots I'm afraid I'd have been bored to tears.  The movie moves slow and, in spite of the marketing campaign, isn't for families: kids won't enjoy the movie--it just doesn't move fast enough.  I wanted so badly to enjoy this movie--and I just couldn't make myself do it no matter how hard I tried.
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FINAL GRADE: C 

Friday, December 2, 2011

I Went A Bit Crazy With The Christmas Bells (Again) This Year

I chose Abstract Christmas Bells as today's fractal "cookie" mainly because it's Christmas-y and musical.  And really--what's better than Christmas Bells right?  Now on with the reviews!
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So last year I promised myself I wouldn't add a lot of new Christmas albums to my collection but the plans have a way of changing.  (So far) I've gotten six new albums (and might get more.  So here's the reviews of everything I got (in the order of purchase).
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WINTER CAROLS by Blackmore's Night
I found Blackmore's Night early last year on YouTube.  I liked their Pop-Rock/Renaissance style and it intrigued me that Richie Blackmore Lead Guitarist for Deep Purple (the group that did Smoke On The Water) would get involved with something like this.  When I found they had made a Christmas album and I could get it from Amazon for less than $10.00 I decided I'd give it a shot!  What I got was pretty much what I expected--a bright blend of poppy, renaissance-infused song that are mostly up-tempo that fall nicely on the ear--especially if you like this sort of thing (which I totally do).  Of particular note I found I enjoyed Ma-O-Tzur, a setting of a Hebrew poem and a mash up of Lord Of The Dance and Simple Gifts (which I don't think I'll ever get tired of).  Still, there are a couple of things that bug me a bit about the album: first lyrics from traditional tunes are twisted to eliminate any reference to "Jesus", "Christ" or "the son of God".  Not sure why they had to do that and it annoys me just a tiny bit.  It also bugs me that they feel the need to randomly hash-up lyrics in ways that aren't beneficial to the song.  Still, those are minor quibbles and I found that I have really enjoyed listening to the album.
FINAL GRADE: A-
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GLEE: the Christmas Album Volume 2
I really enjoyed the first Christmas album from the cast of Glee.  This one--not so much...  Like a lot of Glee songs I found a lot of their arrangements to be frankly derivative (Santa Baby is almost a note-for-note copy of Madonna's version for example) and a lot of the choices are just weird.  (I haven't seen their Holiday episode so I don't know the songs are supposed to fit into a story).  The album has a has several new songs that are just plain BAD and there aren't many pleasant surprises like on the last album.  Sadly, this albums feels like a blatant attempt to cash in and only the most die hard of die hard "Gleeks" is gonna love it.  Don't bother to buy this album.
FINAL GRADE: C- (and that's because I'm being charitable)  
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THE SING OFF: Songs of the Season
I'm a sucker for acapella singing and, (in my humble opinion at least) a good voices-only choir can turn the most egregious crap into something you can listen to (take All I Want For Christmas as done by Delilah for example).  Most of these are pretty darn good but a few songs take some very strange turns.  Coventry Carol as done by Sonos is WAY too upbeat for the text and the wordless version of Carol of the Bells done by the University of Rochester Yellowjackets is nothing nothing short of awful (and I really liked them on the show).  I could have done without the bonus track from Committed but I'm glad I got a little extra music for the money.  This is a nice album and I think most people would like it.
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FINAL GRADE: A-
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CAROLE KING: A Holiday Carole
I've always thought Carole King could do no wrong since she put out Tapestry.  (If you don't have it in your collection--you should!)  The LP isn't the best Christmas Album you'll ever hear but it is still quite enjoyable.  The album starts out with a nice version of My Favorite Things (which, IMHO, is NOT a Christmas song--no matter the mention of "sleigh bells" and "silver-white winters".)  There are several new songs that are OK if not spectacular and, with two exceptions, the rest of the songs are older-ish popular tunes that she does pretty well.  I was glad she included Chanukah Prayer (a nod to her Jewish faith: I found it the highlight of the album).  This is a nice album for the holidays and a must-have for any fan of Miss Carole.
FINAL GRADE: A-
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LIBERA: the Christmas Album
Libera is an English Boys Choir that has made several albums.  Of course it was inevitable that they'd release a Christmas album sooner or later.  The mostly-traditional songs have a delightfully ethereal quality and lush orchestration but you need to be a fan of classical music to really enjoy the album.  I could have done without all the extraneous material that came with the album (a cheap ornament and a lot of material on each song, each on a separate pieces of paper) and would have been happy to pay a bit less for the LP.  Still, there's a certain je ne sais quois to the album that I find oddly attractive.
FINAL GRADE:
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MISTLETOE AND WINE: A SEASONAL COLLECTION by Medieval Baebes
Robyn found this album in the Gaelsongs Catalog and thought it sounded good.  (I found it for half the price on Amazon.com so I bought it.)  Eight women (sometimes singing acapella and sometimes accompanied) perform a variety of holiday and winter-themed songs, equally balanced between traditional and new material.  Robyn and I both enjoyed the album but if you aren't a fan of exotica or "classical" (or even pop-classical) music won't like it.  Still, for those looking for something "different" this album is well worth a spin.
FINAL GRADE: A
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CHIP DAVIS PRESENTS A RENAISSANCE HOLIDAY
Frankly, I felt a bit deceived by Amazon.com where I found the album.  This was marketed as a Manheim Steamroller Christmas album.  I thought I somehow managed to miss one so I was quick to order but what I got was a collection of Renaissance music "presented" by Chip Davis (the driving force behind the Steamroller).  That being said the album is a pretty collection of (mainly) Christmas songs from the Renaissance done in the authentic style.  This album is a definite "must have" for fans of Renaissance music but fans of the poppier influences that Manheim Steamroller brings to their songs may not enjoy it.
FINAL GRADE: A
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Will I end up buying more Christmas music?  You never know: if I find something I like at a good price I may just pick it up.  And if I do you'll find a review on this blog.  In the meantime...
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'nuff said!

   

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Another Round Of "Muppets" On The Big Screen

I chose Groovy as today's fractal "cookie" because it's round (referencing the title of this post), rainbow-colored (like the Muppets themselves) and because of a line about the "hippy-dippy sensibilities" of the Muppets.  Now--on with the review!
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The Muppets have a long and storied history of a couple of struggling puppeteers (Jim Henson and Frank Oz) who created some lovable puppets they called "Muppets."  The two got their big break doing a little show called Sesame Street.  They parlayed that success into a long-running syndicated program (The Muppet Show) and finally made it to the big screen in The Muppet Movie in 1979.  The combination of sweetness, charm and irreverence was irresistible to audiences which led to several sequels--each less successful than the last.  Eventually the Muppets were bought by the Disney Corporation and relegated to the occasional TV Special and largely forgotten.  This brings us to the present day where an actor by the name of Jason Segal entered the picture with a mission to "bring back" the Muppets.
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It's safe to say Segal has "mad love" for the Muppets.  (Check out Forgetting Sarah Marshall if you don't believe me.)  He approached Disney to revive the franchise and, Disney (being Disney and anxious to squeeze every penny out of all their creative properties) agreed.  What emerged was a movie musical that could have come right out of Hollywood's Golden Age.  The Muppets have gone their separate ways and it is up to Kermit the Frog, encouraged by an innocent (new Muppet Walter) to get the gang back together to "put on a show" to save the day.  Will they succeed and give everyone a "happily-ever-after" ending by movie's end?  Do I REALLY need to tell you?  I don't think so...
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Jason Segal not only pushed for the movie to be made but he also stars and even wrote it!  (Now that's mad love!)  Sadly he created a cast of cardboard characters to go with the cloth Muppets.  Each and every character exists for the sole purpose of moving the plot.  That being said, he and the other leads (Amy Adams and Chris Cooper) do the best they can with what little they have to work with.  I've got to give some special "props" to Cooper for taking on the comedic role of Tex Richman: he even manages to rap and do a bit of dancing.  There's a raft of celebrity cameos (from Alan Arkin to Zack Galifanakis).  My two favorites were Neil Patrick Harris ("I don't know why I'm not hosting this!" and Selina Gomez ("I don't know who you guys are--my Agent told me to show up here.")
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I really wanted to enjoy this movie more than I did: I hoped it would be a worth reboot but what I got was a lot of nostalgia.  (As I was walking out of the theater Garden Party by Rick Nelson was running through my mind.)  There were a lot of smiles but few laughs.  Luckily I wasn't the only one who seemed to feel this way: the theater was crowded but I didn't hear a lot of laughter and there was a run on the exit as soon as the credits started rolling.  The movie is a harmless diversion that anybody can see but it's nothing that needs you to rush to the theater to see.  Maybe wait for the DVD to come out and watch it when you don't have anything better to do.
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FINAL GRADE: C+

Monday, November 21, 2011

"Blue Man Group" Surprises

I chose RibStar 2 as today's "fractal cookie" for the review of Blue Man Group for two reasons: 1) it's blue (no other reason, it's blue), 2) I haven't used this image before.  Now that you know--on with the review!
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I came completely prepared to hate the Blue Man Group when I knew I was going to see the show: I even had a title for the review, The Group Made Me Blue, Man.  I thought the blend of three nearly-identical guys being expressionless and doing stylized movements while drumming would be clever for a few minutes but get old really fast.  I didn't see how they could sustain my interest.  I was dreading the show.  Turns out I wasn't completely wrong.
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There's no point in trying to recount the show's plot: they don't have one.  There are a number of unrelated "scenes" involving movement, music and technical wizardry to keep the show moving.  The best parts of the show involve audience participation (particularly the "Dance Party" that finishes out the show).  Some bits go on way to long (there's a "dinner scene" that lost almost the entire audience and nearly killed the show's momentum).  The show is also very loud (not bad for those used to loud clubs and concerts but not too great for old poops like me). 
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In all honesty I missed a lot of the visual bits in the show (even with the gigantic video screens broadcasting a lot of the action) but I was decidedly in the minority.  All the youngsters in the audience loved the show and a lot of the oldsters were laughing along with them.  There's no point to the show--unless the point is to bring folks together for one big party and in that Blue Man Group succeeded admirably.
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FINAL GRADE: C (for me) A- (almost everybody else)

Monday, November 7, 2011

"Mikado" Doesn't Quite Rule.

The Mikado of Japan (AKA) the"Son of Heaven" would wear a Crown Of Stars" if he could.  That's why I chose Crown Of Stars as the "fractal cookie" for today's review.
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The Mikado presents William S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan as their best: the plot is typical Gilbersonian fluff that is nothing short of completely contrived nonsense--but any true Savoyard will that you what's not why you go see a "G&S" show.  You go for the tuneful songs filled with wonderful word play and endless intention, not to mention the wicked satire.  Of course, more than a century later some of the bite has faded but a good production is still well worth attending.  Performance Riverside almost manages to hit the mark with their offering but, in the immortal words of Maxwell Smart, they "missed it by that much!"
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David M. Laffey has the pretty voice and decent dancing ability to play the role of Nanki-Poo and his acting ability and comic timing are up to the role's minimal demands.  As Yum Yum Jessie Withers is a fine foil in every way as the leading Soprano.  Francisco Rodriguez doesn't quite have the Classical pipes to pull of the part of Pooh-Bah but his acting ability almost makes up for it.  If Michael Heimos were any lighter in his loafers as Ko-Ko he'd literally float off the stage but it works for the role.  His (or whoever's) updating of "I Have A Little List" wasn't as biting as some I've heard but there were some good swipes at pop culture in there.  I found myself enjoying his performance most of all.  Travis Lincoln Cox almost got lost under the massive costume, wig and fake beard he had to wear as the Mikado ("ha Mikado") but he came across as surprisingly youthful: still, he did well enough with what little he was given.
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I have a weird complaint regarding Sarah Kreig as the only real villain KatishaKatisha is characterized through the whole show and Ms. Kreig is anything but ugly!  Tall and imposing yes--but hardly ugly by any stretch of the imagination (and quite shapely under that kimono.)  Frankly, the gal is hawt!  (Please don't kill me Robyn...)  Her rich Contralto is up to the requirements of the role and I'd stack her acting ability up against anyone in the cast.  One minor quibble: Katisha traditionally is clad in black and red--the costumer chose yellow and orange (to go with the Mikado's robes.)  I'm no G&S purist but it annoyed me ever so slightly.
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It wouldn't be a production at the Landis without me to find something to complain about--and this show is no exception.  We experienced a new sound problem this time--an echo that made it a bit difficult to hear.  In fact a lot of the chorus numbers were so muddy neither I nor the missus could make out the words.  I don't know if this is because the chorus is up to the music or if it was due to a bad sound mix: still, a Gilbert and Sullivan show needs to be crisply articulated to be fully appreciated and it was a bit of a mess.  The sits were nicely suggestive and the costumes, while a bit simple, worked well enough.  I found the band to be a bit "bright" sounding and a bit heavy on the brass: maybe they weren't quite together on a few songs.  Still, when I balance the positives and negatives of the show I found myself enjoying the effort.  I'm not sure the show is for everybody but we certainly enjoyed it.
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FINAL GRADE: B

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Puss In Boots: Not Just Another "Shrek" Clone

I pcked Fandango 5 for two reasons: first it seemed to have real "Cavalier attitude" (like Puss in Boots") and second, in a weird sense, it is the fifth movie connected to the Shrek franchise  Yes, tenuous as usual, but it's all I've got--now on with the review!
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Any franchise, be it books, TV or movies, eventually turns to crap if it goes long enough.  The Shrek series "jumped the shark"  at Number Three (too bad they felt the need to make a fourth one).  That, coupled with uninspiring previews, didn't make me want to see the Puss In Boots.  Boy was I surprised when I actually got in to see the movie.  This may not be the best movie of 2011 but it certainly the best animated feature of the year (and Kung Fu Panda 2 was pretty darn good).
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Puss In Boots is supposed to be set in Spain (according to the missus at least) but to me it looks a lot more like the American Southwest.  The plot could be lifted from any classic Western movie--with a plenty of modern twists to keep it fresh.  Antonio Banderas lends his voice to the title character yet again and gleefully mines every Latino stereotype and cultural cliche (and does it with such aplomb that you can't find it offensive).  Thankfully, Puss is the only character that transitions from the other Shrek movies.  A few "fairy tale" characters--Humpty Alexander Dumpty (Zach Galifiakankis) and Jack and Jill (turned into a Hillbilly Outlaw married couple voiced by Billy Bob Thornton and Amy Sedaris) but the rest of the movie is populated by new characters.  The most notable of these is Kitty Softpaws (Salma Hayak) who is the perfect foil and romantic interest and foil for Puss. 
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The movie finally gives us the origin story for Puss and tells the story of a heist involving the Goose That Laid the Golden Eggs.  (Sadly, there aren't even any plot points to pick apart.)  (Trust me--it plays way better than it reads.)  The art is nothing short of gorgeous and the animation is perfectly done.  (Robyn and I saw Puss In Boots in 2D but found ourselves wishing we'd shelled out the extra bucks for the 3D version.)  I didn't recognize any of the music but it was beautifully played.  This is the sort of movie that is fun for the entire family: you don't need to be a kid to see and enjoy it.
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FINAL GRADE: A+

Friday, October 21, 2011

"Footloose" in he Land of Needless Movie-Remakes

Today I will be reviewing the remake of Footloose.  I picked Celebration Bouquet as the fractal "cookie" mainly because there wasn't an obvious choice that jumped out and me and the movie pretty much ends with a prom.  Yes, the link is, at best, tenuous but in this case it's all I've got.
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Movie remakes are a long-standing Hollywood tradition--I'm not sure why.  Usually the real "greats" (titles like Gone With The Wind or The Wizard of Oz--two oldies but goodies) seldom get tagged.  Footloose did well enough the first time out (and the soundtrack album sold very well) but didn't do so well as a Broadway musical.  I'm not sure why they felt the need for a movie remake: maybe the Producers were looking for something they could do on the cheap--at least that's what the end result looks like.
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Fans of the original version of Footloose are going to find a lot to like about the re-make.  The plot gets a bit of an expansion but a lot of the current version is a shot-for-shot copy of the original--same dialog, same camera angles--I wouldn't be surprised to find out even the same clothing was used.  Several songs from the original make the transition (some in their original versions--some new, but frankly weaker, versions).  At least the new version offers us a glimpse of why the town of Bomont (moved from the Midwest to the Deep South--and the folks in the South obviously can't spell Beaumont!) and that helped answer a few questions.  Some might find the language a bit rough: I know I was certainly surprised to see how much they got away with and still managing a PG-13 rating (but the "F Bomb" was never dropped.).  There are more holes in the plot than a good Swiss Cheese so folks like me will have points to pick at.  All that being said, this is a pretty standard musical at heart so you can forgive that.
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Kenny Wermald gets the role Kevin Bacon role and manages to carry off the Boston accent (at least most of the time).  He's a good dancer and he manages to (mostly) commit to the role: (I only saw him grimacing a few times).  Juliane Hough gets the role "Preacher's Kid" Ariel: we already know she can move--thanks to all those years on Dancing With The Stars--but who knew she could cuss like a sailor so convincingly?  Dennis Quaid--a real Southerner (unlike John Lithgow in the original)--gets the thankless role as the town Minister.  New character Ray McKinnon adds a sens of verisimilitude in his role as Ren's Uncle Wes.  The rest of the cast does the best they can with their sketchily-drawn, black-and-white cardboard roles--and who knew so many of these kids were such darn good dancers?
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Footloose is a complete, check-your-bran-at-the-door, sit-back-and-relax movie.  Taken for what it is (a "new wave" movie musical) the movie is pretty good.  Yes, you can complain about the too-many copycat scenes but it's fun to see how they manage to bring so many things get translated from the old to the new version.  If you're going to hate on it for what it isn't you probably wouldn't go see the movie in the first place.
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FINAL GRADE:

Monday, October 17, 2011

Shrek the Musical (a Little) Something For Everybody

Picking fractal "cookies" for my posts can sometimes be a difficult thing but luckily sometimes something just jumps right out at me--like in this case.  I chose Dragon Scales for today's post because it's green (like the eponymous Shrek) and because there's a dragon in both the image and the show.  So, now that you've got the dirt on with the review!
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Shrek has an interesting history: it began life as an 18 page children's book that was mostly pictures and got expanded into a full-length motion picture (thanks to Mike Myers and Dreamworks SKG).  Owing to such successes as Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King it wasn't long until Producers decided to bring Shrek to the Broadway stage.  Shrek didn't run as long as the other two shows I just mentioned but it is perfect for a long National Tour and an even longer life in Regional Theater.  You might well ask--how could they turn a big animated movie into a stage play?  Turns out--pretty well for the most part. 
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The plot is simple enough for  the kiddies to follow but there are enough jokes to please the adults and everything moves quickly enough that nobody really has time to lose interest.  Those expecting highbrow theater are doomed to be disappointed by Shrek (but they probably didn't see the movie on which the show is based).  Shrek is vulgar without being obscene: the good news is that parents won't have to try to explain to their kids.  The songs generally are splightly and pleasant to listen to--even though I found myself forgetting them even as I was listening.  The sets, while no where near as complex as the animated backgrounds of the movie but they are more than adequate to do the job.  Likewise the lighting and costumes are more than up to the challenge as is the music played by the nine-piece band (large for a show).
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Lukas Poost, in the title role, doesn't try to do a Mike Myer immitation--and to my mind that's all to the good.  He does manage a consistant accent (although it's not Scottish) and he manages to run all the gamut of emotions the role requires.  He also has a big and quite pleasant voice for his singing.  Liz Shivener as Princess Fiona has a voice and acting ability up to snuff with her partner and I couldn't find a fault in her performance.  Andre Jorden (Donkey) has a great soulful voice for his songs: he lacks the manic physicality of the animated character but he still manages to do well with what he's given.  Merrit David Janes as the villains dwarf Lord Farquahd deserves note, not only for his acting and strong voice but also for managing to pull off virtually his entire performance ON HIS KNEES!  (You try doing that for eight shows a week for months on end and see how wracked-up YOU get!)  The dragon doesn't breathe fire but the massive puppet (controlled by four people) looks pretty impressive on stage.  The chorus all have multiple roles and they are all up to the task.
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Shrek is hardly great theater but it sure is good fun for the entire family.  This is the kind of show the entire family can enjoy together and it's especially good for those who don't attend theater with any regularity.  Go see it if you get the chance.
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FINAL GRADE: A   

Monday, September 26, 2011

I Think I've Seen This Show Too Many Times

Today's "fractal cookie" is Daisy Blue.  I chose it for a couple of reasons: first it seems like it might be a good name for one of the Characters in Oklahoma done by Performance Riverside (the show I'll be reviewing),  Second, it seems like it might be a quilt design from that era or maybe one of those blue plates so popular back then.  OK, maybe it's not that much of a reason but its all I've got.  So--on with the review!
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Oklahoma is a truly "classic" of the American stage.  The accessible plot, relatable characters, tuneful melodies (that stick in your head long after you've left the theater) and ease of production mean this show will be produced again and again and again.  (Sadly, it also means that folks like me will SEE it again and again and again!)  There's not a lot of room to "re-invent" the show (since reinventing Oklahoma is a lot like trying to re-invent the wheel: there is simply  no room for improvement.)  Because of this, if you've seen the show as many times as I have (seven or eight--in versions from the latest National Tour to small Community Theater productions) it begins to lose some of it's magic.  For a production to truly fly it really needs to be completely first class and, this being Performance Riverside, you know there's going to be some problems.
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 I can't fault the Lighting, Set Design or Costumes in the show and, for once the sound mix at the Landis Performing Arts Center wasn't a muddy mess.  The choral work and dance sequences were first rate so that was another plus.  Musically, the stage band was first rate (as always) but I found it a bit heavy in the brass and woodwinds: I could have done with a second keyboard to fill out the piano and strings to give an even fuller sound but I guess you can't have everything.

Bryan Vickery (as Curly) is convincing in his role and he has a magnificent singing voice.  (I think he's classically trained.)  If there is any criticism of his role is that Vickery may be just a bit "too" perfect in his part and that he only has two volumes--loud and ear-splitting.  (That being said, I'm not sure if the guy just has a really big voice or if he was simply over mic-ed.)  Emily Lopez (as Laurie) is a charming ingenue with a voice that matches Vickery's in timber perfectly.  Chelsea Emma Franko doesn't provide any revelations as Ado Annie but she's believable in her role.   Casey Garritano's Will Parker uncomfortable reminded me of Austin from The A List New York but there's no denying the boy can dance!  Performance Riverside veteran Patricia Scarborough gives a creditable Aunt Eller.  I'd like to have seen a bit more oil and ethnicity from Travis Lincoln Cox in the role of Ali Hakim but maybe the Director was trying to be sensitive.  Paul Kehler (Jud Fry) has a beautiful bass voice but doesn't bring the menace and his dark shadings are no more than medium gray.  The guy comes off about as scary as a Teddy Bear.  Jason Wesley Green as Andrew Carnes lacks the "big" voice of the leads and it shows on stage.  Still, he gets the best "insert" in the show (from, of all places, The Monkees!) so props to him. 
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I do have to give kudos to the entire cast for one thing: no matter how little energy they got back from the audience (and the Sunday Matinee crowd was DEAD!) they never flagged.  As a former Actor I can't tell you how difficult it is to keep the energy flowing to an audience that isn't giving anything back.  Hooray for their professionalism!  Thank you all for trying so hard in what had to be a difficult situation.  Kudos also to show Director and interim Producing Artistic Director Matt Neves for keeping his pre-show announcements short and sweet.  I'm sorry to see Rey O'Day leave the position but she did have a tendancy to go on and one.  If Neves keeps the position I hope he keeps the pre-show patter just like he did for this show.  
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As a show Oklahoma might not be the best vehicle for a sour old critic like me but for the casual theater-goer this production would be 2 1/2 hours of utter delight.  Check it out if you want to see some nice theater in the Inland Empire.
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FINAL GRADE: C (for sour old critics) A- (everyone else)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

All Hail The New "Burger King"

I was looking for an image that was red, black and white (like the Five Guys Burgers And Fries colors) but I could only find one image that I'd used a bunch of times.  So I chose Squared Arabic 35 because of its gold coloring.  (Crowns are gold and this post IS about the new "Burger King"...)  Now that you have the scoop on with the review!
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Several years ago (then-Candidate) Barack Obama caused a bit of a local controversy when hesaid that Five Guys made the best burger.  A lot of locals (including some News Anchors) were incensed that he would disrespect local chain In-N-Out Burger.  Of course at that point Five Guys had most (if not all) of their franchises east of the Mississippi.  Well now, Five Guys Burgers And Fries had made its way to the West Coast in a BIG way and, agree or disagree with Obama's policies the Prez knows his burgers!  I can say, as a burger connoisseur, that Five Guys completely blows away In-N-Out.
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Five Guys Burgers And Fries takes the hamburger back to basics.  The restaurant has a minimum menu including hamburgers in two sizes (with or without American Cheese and Bacon), hot dogs, a grilled cheese sandwich and veggie sandwich.  You can also get fries in two sizes (made without trans fats but plenty of salt).  Burgers come with a host of toppings (all free except for the bacon and cheese).  Unlike In and Out there's no "secret menu" that you can order from to get special products.  Everything is made AFTER you order then packed in foil and sent out to you in double-quick time.  (If there's a long long it may take a bit to place your order and get your food.)  The burgers are quite wet but you can't make a better burger at home.
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The restaurant posts justifiably rave reviews all over the red-and-white tiled walls.  One commented that the place had "all the ambiance of a clean bathroom (which is oh so true).  The tiled walls, concrete floor and metal ceiling make the place incredibly noisy but at least the metal chairs and table are reasonably comfortable.  Still, I could have done without the sterilization-volume classic rock soundtrack courtesy of SiriusXM.  Even with all this there's still no better place to mac a meal (provided if all you are looking for is a hamburger and french fries).
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FINAL GRADE: A++   
  

Monday, September 19, 2011

West Side Story: the Magic Is Fading

I think the title of this review pretty much explains why I chose Faded Blue as today's fractal cookie.  Now, on with the review of the National Tour of West Side Story.
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On the surface West Side Story looks like it can't miss.  The script re-sets Romeo and Juliet in 1950s New York City with the star-crossed lovers as members of rival groups.  Leonard Bernstein provides the mid-century moderne score full of hip, jazzy flare and Broadway legend Stephen Sondheim got his first big break providing the lyrics.  The show can best be described as "iconic" (and "iconic" means there's a lot of room to fall).  The music, of all it's beauty, is tricky and requires first class performers.  Bad acting can turn the show into an unintended caricature.  Is the latest professional offering of West Side Story bad?  No, but the production is not without its problems.
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Chief among those problems are leads  Kyle Harris and Ali Ewoldt.  Harris has the right look but his nasal singing and vibrato that can best be described as "unrestrained" ruins a lot of his solos.  Worse he has a tendency to go flat on his big notes.  Ewoldt has an awesome soprano voice but her Puerto Rican accent sounds like some sort of bad mockery rather than sincere imitation.  (OK, maybe I'm just over-sensitive here--but accents are a big thing to me--and this one wasn't so great.)  Still, she made you believe her performance.  She has one of the best moments in the entire show with the "Diva battle" in I Feel Pretty.  (Go see the production if you want to see what I'm talking about.)  Sadly, Ewoldt and Harris don't blend that well and they should be seamless.
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The rest of the cast are fine singers and dancers and they all play their parts well.  Of course, having seen West Side Story more times than I'd care to remember I've finally come to realize that besides leading characters Tony and Maria--NOBODY is that likable with the exception of minor character Doc the Drugstore Owner who vainly tries to show the characters a better way.  As for the rest of the characters they are just sad--and NOT in a good way.  In addition, the more times times I see the show the harder it is for me to suspend my disbelief: yes it's "musical" logical but sometimes even musical logic stretches the bounds of verisimilitude.

On the plus side, the three-piece orchestra managed a remarkably full sound although I'd have preferred a bigger orchestra for a more-varied sound (this show was pretty heavy on the brass).  The minimal (but not Minimalist) sets were effective as was the lighting design.  The costumes were suitably 1950s and realistic enough: I found I could tell one group from another so that was a good thing.
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Sadly, I could have done without a lot of the "updates" to the show: a couple of songs had extensive lyrics in Spanish: if you knew the language or the show you were fine but if not you're lost.  Likewise I really could have done without the symbolic rape scene near the end of Act Two (although it does give Anita a proper reason for betraying the young lovers).  That being said, updates are going to be an inevitable part of the show and I suppose they could have gone much grittier and far nastier than some implied violence.  (They could have littered the lyrics with "F-Bombs" for example.)  Maybe I should be grateful for what I got.
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Now that has all been said I think it's only fair to report that my opinion is in the decided minority: the Orange County Performing Arts Centre was nearly sold out and most of them really seemed to enjoy the show.  West Side Story has enough content to challenge the casual viewer without frustrating them.  The show isn't a complete Air Biscuit so the audience can go away thinking they've actually SEEN something and had a worthwhile evening.  Bitter old Critics like might might not love the show but the average theater-goer will find a lot to like.  
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FINAL GRADE: B-

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Are You Kiddig? You Guys Are Up In Arms About THIS???

I'm not sure why I chose Ribbon Twist as today's fractal cookie: when I chose the image I had some idea that it would fit into the latest "tempest in a teapot" over at Dancing With The Stars but for the life of me I can't remember why I thought it would be important.  Ah well--on with today's commentary...
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So Dancing With The Stars has announced the latest cast: I call this latest version the "Freaks and Geeks Edition".  They departed a bit from the usual formula this time: there's nary a Disney Star (like Kyle Massey or Sabrina Bryant),  mouthy black lady (like Niecey Nash or Wendy Williams) or a "WTF" guy (like Adam Corolla or Mike Catherwood).  We do have the usual Professional Athletes (Ron Artest or is he Meta World Peace this week? and Hope Solo) a  surfeit of Reality Stars this year (Kristin Cavalieri, Rob Kardashian and Carson Kresley).  We also have several bunch of Faded Stars trying to raise their profiles (this time represented by Ricki Lake, China Phillips and David Arquette).  The "out of left field" choices are "Tot Mom" nemesis Nancy Grace and Sonny and Cher's only child Chaz (formerly Chastity Bono).  Oddly enough, it's Chaz Bono that's causing the most controversy.
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The inclusion of Bono has lots of conservative types threatening to boycott the show.  Worse yet, some folks are even sending death threats!!!  Come on people--death threats!  Over THIS???  Do you guys really have that much free time?  Honestly, I can't fathom this no matter how hard I try to wrap my head around it.  I guess the feeling is that somehow having a transgendered individual in such a public setting will somehow encourage our children into "deviant" lifestyles.  Of course nothing could be farther from the truth.
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Lets discount the fact that Chaz Bono is an out-of-shape (read fat) little person who is reportedly "rhythmically challenged" and he doesn't have much of a fan base.  (The LGBT Community aren't going to vote for somebody simply because he's transgendered: they have too much taste for that.)  Bono is likely to be voted off VERY EARLY.  Itty bitties who happen to be watching the show (and there's a whole blog on THAT waiting to be written!) aren't likely to know what "transgendered" is--unless the parents make an issue of it!  Children old enough to be aware of what that IS will already likely have had their opinions influenced by family and peers.  The bottom line is--unless a child is ALREADY Gay, Lesbian or Transgendered it's going to have no effect on them whatsoever unless maybe their the idea that LGBTs aren't any different than other people.  But we can't have that now, can we?
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On one level I suppose I can (sort of) understand why parents wouldn't want their children exposed to a dangerous lifestyle: that being said, I just don't see how that could have much of a negative effect on the little darlings if they weren't already leaning in that direction.  Further, I can't see why ANYONE would feel the need to publish death threats against ANYONE.  I mean, come  on people, we don't live in Iran!  I thought Americans respected the right for others to have different beliefs.  I know that most of this is just smack-talking perpetrated by the anonymous nature of the Internet but it saddens me that the United States has come (or is it come back?) to this.
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In the end only time will tell how much the threatened boycott will have on Dancing With The Stars.  Personally I doubt that there will be anything more than a very minor blip.  Still, I'm sure that if the ratings DO take a major dive I'm sure DWTS will find some way to boot Bono.  (I'm pretty confident there won't remotely be a need of that.)  It's just too bad that those upset by the guy's presence won't use it to open a dialog or maybe re-examine their own prejudicess.
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'nuff said.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

"Planet of the Apes" Gets A New Origin

I had quite a time picking a "fractal cookie" for my review of Rise of the Planet of the Apes and had just about decided to pick a random image when I came across an old image called Monster Spiral.  Yes, the connection is tangential at best but I couldn't really find anything better.  Check out the review of the movie.
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I'm sad to admit that I'm old enough to have seen the FIRST Planet of the Apes movie (way back in the 1960s).  I didn't see it in the theater (the folks wouldn't let me go) but I caught it on television.  Several sequels followed (getting progressively worse) and a few a few years ago there was a pretty awful remake of the original (starring "Marky" Mark Wahlberg).  Robyn tells me that somewhere in there was a story that told how the Apes rebelled and eventually took over the world--but I don't remember that.  Now we finally get a story that (almost) makes sense.
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Dr Will Rodman (played by James Franco) is researching a cure of Alzheimer's because of his father's dementia.  He has developed a drug that shows amazing promise in his ape subjects and is ready to present his results when something goes horribly (and fatally) wrong.  It turns out the female test subject was trying to protect her newborn baby.  Still, the project is ordered shut down by the big boss (David Ovelowo).  Thanks to one of those "only in the movies" moment the baby chimp is taken in by Will who is surprised to learn that the enhancements he gave to the mother has been passed on the baby Caesar.  Still, as we know from the real world (the lady who's pet chimp ripped her face off for example) we know that things are bound to end badly.  And end badly they do when Caesar (played by Andy Serkis in a Motion-Capture Suit) gets sentenced to a "Sanctuary" (read prison) for apes.  Then the real fun begins.  If you want the rest of the story go see the movie--but know it doesn't end well for humanity...
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There are a few holes in the plot you can drop a planet through but the story is well-enough acted and fast-paced enough that you don't really notice them until well after you've left the theater.  Andy Serkis deserves an Oscar nomination (but won't get one) for his portrayal of Caesar.  He says only a few words but his physicality and facial expression convey more emotion than anyone else in the movie.  The rest of the actors do the best with what the script gives them but most of them are one-note characters put in to advance the story.  Still, I should probably let "Harry Potter" fans know that Tom Felton--who played Draco Malfoy has a role in the movie (he's just as rotten as the "Potter" character he played--just not as classy.)
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While I was watching the movie I really enjoyed it but I found I enjoyed it less after I left the theater: too many small details leaped out and bothered me.  Still, you don't go to a movie like this for deep characters and high philosophy.  Rise of the Planet of the Apes shows surprising heart (due mainly to Andy Serkis' performance).  That being said, Rise of the Planet of the Apes has a certain emotional honesty and a verisimilitude that makes you think this is an all-too-possible future.  This movie may not be for the ages but it certainly is one of the better this summer.
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FINAL GRADE: B+   

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Genre-Blender

I chose Nightfire as today's fractal cookie because it reflects something that happens in the movie Cowboys and Aliens.  Enjoy today's review (unless of course you've made other plans--in which case what are you doing reading this post!)
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I think I saw the first trailer for Cowboys and Aliens on Christmas Day 2010: it made Tron Legacy almost bearable.  I looked at Robyn and said something like "oooh--we gotta go see that!"  (In fact, after the last "Harry Potter" film this was the movie I most looked forward to of the summer.)  She agreed and, one week after it's release we finally did.  So was it worth the wait--read on and decide for yourself.
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Cowboys and Aliens reminds me a lot of a somewhat less-good True Grit mixed with a healthy dash of Independence Day (the alien invaders even have a decided resemblance to the ones).  I can't help but feel like I've seen all the elements of this movie before: yes, they are well done here but I kept waiting and hoping to be surprised and I never was.  This movie was populated by cardboard characters that move around on a well-oiled track that takes you right where you expect to go.
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Daniel Craig leaves behind his James Bond smoothness to play Jake Lonnergan as Shane Part Deux: he does stoic really well but without a touch of subtlety or nuance (and few changes in facial expression).  Still, he's supposed to be the stranger in town: that's how he starts and that's how he leaves.  Harrison Ford gets the largely-thankless part of Woodrow Dolarhyde, the richest man in these parts who ain't afraid to throw his weight and power around.  At least he has a mildly-interesting character bit involving one of his hired hands (which I won't spoil here).  Olivia Wilde looks pretty and is suitably mysterious as Ella, a young lady who knows more than she should about the strange goings-on in town.  Sam Rockwell plays Doc, a milquetoast man-of peace (right out of Coward of the County) who must discover his inner badass to save his woman.
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The movie is shot in washed-out tones (a la True Grit) when it isn't done in blue and gray shades for the interior scenes.  Costumes are of the grunge school that seems common to most Westerns these days.  The effects are adequate and the few shots of alien craft look cool.  The script leaves a lot of questions unanswered (and the myriad of plot holes here are hardly worth mentioning).  The score is suitably epic: I don't know who wrote the music but it reminds me of John Williams.  The violence is strictly PG13 (a lot of fighting but no graphic bloodbaths) and there are two separate scenes involve Jake and Ella being unclad.  Profanity is often but nobody drops the "F-Bomb" so I'm guessing the movie is suitable for all but very young children and those of delicate sensibilities.
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In spite of the tone of this review Cowboys and Aliens isn't a BAD movie--it's just not all that good.  It's a fun "check your brain at the door" romp but don't expect any grand revelations.  I think I was disappointed because I was hoping for more from the movie and just didn't get it.  Go see it only if you don't have anything better to do--otherwise wait until it come out on DVD.
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FINAL GRADE:         

Monday, August 1, 2011

Now That's A Superhero Movie!!!

Captain America would never be caught in paisley--unless maybe it was Patriotic Paisley (today's fractal cookie).  And obviously, I'll be reviewing Captain America The First Avenger--so on with the review!
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I've never been a big fan of Captain America in the comics: didn't hate him--but didn't love him either.  Honestly, that's pretty much what I expected from the movie as well: imagine my surprise when I found that Captain America the First Avenger had both grit and heart.  Of course, it doesn't hurt that the movie has a can't-miss plot where the hero finds the strength to do great deeds that ends in the ultimate sacrifice.  (Want to know more?  Go see the movie!)
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Chris Evans (in the title role) was made for this role: he has the look (and the CGI that transforms him into a 98 pound weakling is nothing short of spectacular).  He walks the fine line between cheesy overacting and stoically underplaying the character and always makes the right decision for the scene.  Haley Atwell (Peggy Carter) doesn't fare quite as well.  Still, that's more the fault of the script that requires her to go from icy badass to lovestruck damsel.  Hugo Weaving is everything you could ask for in a scene-chewing Nazi but his Red Skull makeup could have been a bit more gruesome and frightening.  (Still, they kept the look consistent with the comic character so I suppose I shouldn't complain.  The rest of the supporting cast does a fine job and I can't find fault with the sets, costumes or special effects.
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If you like superhero movies you are sure to love Captain America, the First Avenger.  There's plenty of action to keep the adrenaline junkie happy and even war movie fans can find a lot to enjoy here.  The movie has a retro-quality that appeals to older folks but isn't so dated that it'll turn off the younger generation.  Yeah, there are a few points that make some serious-minded folk wine, but hey, it's a summer blockbuster.  That's expected.  Captain America will transfer to the small screen but it deserves to be seen in a theater.  As with most movies there's no need to pay the extra money to see it in 3D.
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Still, I couldn't end this review in good conscience without mentioning the "credit cookie" at the end of the movie.  Cap gets transformed into a moody, angst-filled character that, for me at least, didn't quite mesh with the rest of the movie.  I worry that next year's Avengers movie will be so bloated by the many characters feeding in from other movies that he won't a chance to redeem the character.  Still, I guess I'll have to wait until May 2012 to find out how it all turns out.  Meanwhile, there's nothing left but to give this movie a final grade.
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FINAL GRADE: A   

Monday, July 25, 2011

8 Simple Rules For Enjoying The Theater

Some posts lend themselves to a particular fractal but many do not.  I chose today's "cookie" for the sole reason that it has eight colors and the post is about "8 simple rules..."  Oh--and the fractal is called Crystalblaze.  Now--on with the rant!
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I wish more people would make the effort to attend live theater: really, there's no experience like it and most folks would be surprised at how much they enjoyed it.  Still, most folks choose not to attend except for very rare occasion--and once they get there they have no idea how to behave.  If you read my last post you have some idea of what happened when Robyn and I attended a matinee of Mary Poppins.  A lot of bad behavior really marred my enjoyment of the show and it inspired me to offer up some simple suggestions so I don't end up want to snap some idiots neck.  Therefor I offer these eight simple rules for enjoying the theater...
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1) KNOW YOUR SHOW TIME AND PLAN ACCORDINGLY 
It doesn't take long to search Google Maps or MapQuest to find directions, and more importantly, the approximate time it will take you from your starting point to the final destination.  Add in some wiggle room for unexpected happening then leave with enough time to get to the show and find your seats before the sun comes up.
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2) IF YOU DO ARRIVE LATE--ENTER QUIETLY
Things happen even to the best of us and sometimes you are unavoidably late.  If it should happen to you--try to go to your seats during a scene change.  Nobody paid to see your broad-ass silhouette doing the Gavotte and blocking the action on stage.
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3) IF YOU NEED HELP ASK AN USHER
You passed them on your way in: they are stationed there to help you.  Use them.
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4) NO TALKING!!!
We paid big bucks to see (and HEAR) the folks on stage--NOT YOU.  If you must talk do so QUIETLY.  The first show we attended at the P.A.C. had a couple behind us quacking away in Vietnamese for the entire show.  Yes, I imagine one was translating for the other but it was still annoying as all get-out.  Modifying your volume control is definitely IN order!
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5) TURN OFF THE ELECTRONICS
If you are a Physician on call or if you on the waiting list for a Kidney I can see keeping your cell phone on (but--PLEASE--for the love of God--set it on vibrate!)  Otherwise, disconnect yourself from the electronic world for a while and enjoy the show.  Really folks, there isn't a lot you NEED to know or respond to right now!  The same goes for texting: the glow from your screen is distracting to the other patrons.  We know this is your world we're just living in it--but would it really hurt you to to show a modicum of kindness?
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6-A) IF YOU MUST TAKE A CALL, LEAVE THE THEATER
We don't want to listen to your business eve more than you want us to hear it.  Exit the theater quickly and quietly to keep from disturbing the other patrons.  (Reference Rule 2!!!)
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7) USE YOUR INTERMISSION TIME CAREFULLY
The Intermission Time (usually 15 minutes) is customarily printed in your program and most theaters will blink lights or sound a chime to let you know Intermission is about to end.  If you have to use the restroom do it FIRST: no public venue has enough potties (particularly for women) for the folks who need them.  Do what business you need to do then head back to seats before the Second Act.  Everyone will be happier that way.
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8) KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SEEING
The theater is no place for an infant or children who can't sit quietly for long periods.  (You wouldn't want other people's kids disturbing your experience so kindly return the favor.)  Don't complain if you are offended by the content of a show: the Production Staff long-ago learned to put up content warning for their shows if they contain strong language or nudity.  You will have been warned to plan accordingly.
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The post may have come across as somewhat snarky but mainly it is about common courtesy (which seems to be in extreme short supply these days).  Be considerate of others and hope they will be considerate to you.  Really--it's just that simple.
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'nuff said.