A Weiner Gets Bitten

If you can't figure out why I chose an image called Zipzap to "grace" a post about Congressman Anthony Weiner please quit reading my blog and crawl back under the rock (under which you've obviously been living for quite a while).  Of course, if you are beaming in from another country (and are interested in an American scandal) please feel free to enjoy today's rant.
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I had originally intended NOT to comment on "Weinergate" (after all--what more can anyone say?).  Still, lest I get chastised by my right-wing readers (hey Tanya! hey Lance!) I felt compelled to say something (lest I be accused of indiscriminate "Republican bashing").  In the end--all I can think to ask is this one question: TONE-BONE!  WHY DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS???
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Sexual escapes (and stupidity it seems) cross party lines.  What makes these fools think they can do this with impunity?  Back in the "good old days" (?!)  the Press covered it but but today we need our scandal to distract us from economic woes, messy social issues and "unwinable" wars.  It's sad that a promising career gets derailed for a few cheap thrills.  Was it worth it Congressman?  Especially in light of what happened to another Congressman who sent a bare-chested photo of himself to a female who wasn't his wife.
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What I find particularly disturbing is the way Rep. Weiner awkwardly lied when the scandal came out.  Come one guy!  You claimed your Twitter account was "hacked" but didn't request an investigation.  Sorry--you lost me right there!  Oh--and lets not forget about the part where he would neither confirm or deny whether the picture was of him.  So, so very stupid.  Once it was out there you should have realized there was no way out of this except to admit what you did and take the consequences.  Luckily for Anthony Weiner stupidity isn't a criminal offense--otherwise he'd be in jail for a very long time.
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'nuff said.

X-Men: First Class (Almost) All The Way

This seems like a particularly good choice as the "fractal cookie" for X-Men: First Class: you have the "X" and you have the classic X-Men blue-and-gold color scheme.  So--now that you see why I made the choice on with the review!
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I went into X-Men: First Class with a certain sense of trepidation.  Ever since the epic disaster that was the first (last?) three Star Wars movies I've had a certain sense of dread where prequels were concerned.  The third X-Men movie was pretty bad and Wolverine could best be described as a disaster of Titanic proportions.  Further, I worried that the movie would even further mangle comic-book continuity.  (Yes, I can be a bit of a continuity snob--even when I say each version should be judged on their own individual merits.)  Based on a cool-looking trailer (and Robyn's desire to see the movie) I agreed to go--and boy was I pleasantly surprised!
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WARNING: this review contains (at least minor) plot spoilers.  If you don't want to get critical details READ NO FURTHER!!!
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Yes, X-Men: First Class gleefuly shreds Marvel continuity for it's own ends.  Still, if you can get past that you have a pretty darn good movie.  We get glimpses of Charles Xavier and Mystique as children as well as what started Erik Lenscher (Magneto) on the road to super villainy.  Then we flash forward to the swinging 60s where Xavier has just graduated from Oxford (with a doctorate in genetics--specializing in mutation of course).  We get to see him assemble his "first" team of X-Men (Mystique, Magneto, Beast, Havok, Banshee and "new mutants" (at least new to me) Angel and Darwin.  They end up battling Sebastian Shaw (played with delicious vileness by Kevin Bacon) and his minion, Emma Frost, Azazel and Riptide.  In this world Shaw is responsible for igniting the Cuban Missile Crisis in the hopes of accelerating the process of human mutation.
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James McAvoy brings a sense of fun and "hipness" that I've never seen before and Michael Fassbender is a succession to Sir Ian McKellen as Magneto.  (His character arc is completely believable.)  Moira McTaggert (as played by super-hottie Rose Byrne) gets made over from a Scottish scientist to an American C.I.A. Agent (whom the script doesn't serve well).  January Jones gets reduced to evil "Girl Friday" in her role but she is so hot, Hot, HOT I'd watch her read the phone book (preferably in those fab, lingerie-inspired outfits).  Nicholas Hoult nails the character of Beast but I found his "mutant makeover" (if I dare call it that) to look like a bad character costume from a Cats roadshow.  Zoe Kravitz is a real stunner and looks cool (and with a different name I might not have hated her character so much).  The addition of Azazel (Jason Flemyng) was at least semi-cool.  I could have seriously done without Riptide though.  I also felt the character of Darwin was a complete waste: his power was kind of stupid--and why is it that the black supporting character always seems to die in major motion pictures?  Hugh Jackman's two-word cameo was a real moment of cool.  (He also gets the movie's one "F-Bomb".)
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It wouldn't be a comic book movie without a few minor quibbles though.  For example--it disturbed me how quickly Angel was willing to turn on her allies and why Darwin's "adaptation" ability didn't save him from Sebastian Shaw.  I also found it mind-boggling that those around Shaw didn't point out how stupid and dangerous his plan was.  (Yeah, the war might have made more mutants but the world they were born into wouldn't be a very nice place.)  I also found it a bit disheartening at how quickly the humans on both sides were so quick to go after the mutants AFTER they had clearly averted a nuclear holocaust.  (But, then again, it wouldn't be an X-Men movie if the humans didn't hate and fear mutants beyond reason.)
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Will there be a fifth X-Men movie?  Considering how much money this movie stands to make worldwide I wouldn't be at all surprised.  It'll be interesting to see if they keep with the current class (likely) and, if so, what story they tell.  There's already been an epic (and, frankly, definitive) battle with Magneto so they'll probably have to come up with a new angle (even though I hope they don't lose Michael Fassbender).  Guess I'll just have to wait a couple of years to find out.
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X-Men: First Class has all the action any summer blockbuster could wish for.  The FX are first rate and the acting is clearly a cut above average for a movie of this sort.  Yeah, there are plot points that it doesn't pay to spend too much time thinking about but the action never slows down enough to give you time to pick the movie apart.  Yes, you can see it on the small screen but this flick looks great in a theater.  Go in and have some fun for a couple of hours.  You know you want to...
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FINAL GRADE: A-      

Burn This Bore

With a post title like Burn This Bore I'd need a fractal "cookie" having to do with fire.  Right?  Right!  So what better than burn something than Cosmic Fire!  Now--on with the review.
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I admit, I didn't go into Burn The Floor with the best of attitudes: we paid big bucks to see a series of BROADWAY MUSICALS--not some extended feature sequences from Dancing With the Stars or So You Think You Can Dance.  And really, that's all this show is.  Yes, there's (at least a hint of) a story in each dance but after a while everything fades together.  And lets be brutally honest--there are so many way a group of people can lift, twirl and bend each other.  Without an underlying knowledge of the dance(s) you have no context.  It became an exercise in "oh--look at that" and "wow--that--was cool!" but no concept of what I was watching.  Still, I suppose we're just supposed to concentrate on the fact that a bunch of pretty people are gyrating in skimpy/and or ultra-tight outfits that show off those amazing bodies.
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There's no denying that the dancers on stage have a lot of energy and technical prowess (or so I suppose) but for someone who doesn't know a Cha Cha from a Cucaracha there isn't a lot of reference points.  The show featured Pasha Koralev and Anya Garnis ( two past contestants on So You Think You Can Dance) but, honestly, after a while I couldn't tell the players without a scorecard.  Nobody stood out as better (or worse) than anyone else and I didn't see any glaring mistakes so I guess that was to the good.
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The music (except for a drummer, percussionist and two singers was all pre-recorded (a minor negative for me) but at least there were no technical glitches and the sound mix was spot on through the whole show.  Both singers (Peter Saul and Vonzell Solomon) had fine pop voices: they had a nice mix of songs to sing and didn't have to fight the backing track.  Sound and lighting were first rate for the whole show.  Costume changes were plentiful  but there was nothing to outrageous on anyone.
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Burn The Floor is the type of show that is going to have a limited appeal.  Fans of Ballroom and Latin Dancing are sure to love it--but I kind of think it will leave non-Fans feeling a little cold.  Even though the show barely ran two hours (if that) I kind of felt like I was getting too much of (maybe) a good thing.
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FINAL GRADE: C+

More "Mondegreen" Madness!

A post about "Mondegreens" requires a green image, yes?  Yes!  I think Alison (created for my "gal pal Al-bal") handles that quite nicely.  So--on with today's silliness!
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Back on April 22, 2009 I wrote my first post on Mondegreens (misheard song lyrics).  (Here's the link if you want to check it out: http://ronwrites.blogspot.com/search?q=mondegreen ).  There are lots more mondegreens to cover so I decided to write another post.  As always--SOME OF THESE CAN BE RAUNCHY SO IF YOU ARE OF DELICATE SENSIBILITIES LEAVE NOW!!!
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The latest fascination started out with the Kings of Leon song Sex On Fire.  I heard: GIRL--your SNATCH is on fire.  GIRL--GONNA WATCH YOU PERSPIRE!  (If that particularly body part WAS burning the least she'd be doing is perspiring!)  The real lyrics are supposed to be YOU, YOUR SEX is one fire/CONSUMED WITH WHAT'S TO TRANSPIRE.  Uh-huh.  I totally believe that...
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Some people report the ABBA song Dancing Queen says: you can dance.  You can DIE...  Katy Perry's Teenage Dream suggests: we can dance until we DINE...  Given a choice I'd pick Option #2.
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Another random ABBA mondegreen: JACKIE CHAN'S On Me.  Get off me Jackie!  (If you're an ABBA fan--you know it's TAKE A CHANCE On ME.)
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Way back in the early 1980s The J. Geils Band told the world: my ANUS is the center HOLE.  (So, where else would it be?) The real lyrics are, of course my ANGEL is the centerFOLD.
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How 'bout this mangled masterpiece from Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen?  SCARY BUSH!  SCARY BUSH!  Can you do the BANNED TANGO?  (The correct lyrics are SCARAMOUCHE!  SCARAMOUCHE!  Will you do the FANDANGO?  Like that makes a lot of sense...)
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In the song Losing My Religion some people think R.E.M. suggests: LET'S PEE in the corner.  LET'S PEE in the spotlight...  Oh well, if that's what you're into I suppose.
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Perhaps it would be fun (like the Chaka Khan song suggests) to CLIMB Every Woman...
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Back in elementary school (and be honest now!)  how many of us thought the folk song was: my BODY lies over the ocean/my BODY lies over the sea/my BODY lies over the ocean/oh bring back my BODY to me... ?  I confess: I was one.
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Sir Elton John (a perennial source of Mondegreens) once suggested (to one person at least).  Hold me closer TONY DANZA...  Okie-dokie then!  If that's what you really want...  Or how about (from Crocodile Rock) I never had me a better time when I BOUGHT THAT TEXTILE MILL. 
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Keeping the "Classic Rock" theme here are a couple of mondegreens from The Beatles.  You WATCH T.V. (instead of You WON'T SEE ME.)  And, instead of she gives me everything and tenderly (from And I Love Her) we get she gives me everything INTERNALLY.  OK, that just conjures up a whole raft of sick images.  What if She's Got A STICK IN HER EYE?  (Ouch!)  Maybe we should just go to CAMP BALMY Love..  (Are you a big enough Beatles fan to know the real title?)
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Here's one from the 60s classic (My Baby Sent Me A) Letter: give me a CHICKEN for an airplane...  What--does the train not accept poultry in the passenger cars?
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Did Roberta Flack really sing Killing Me Softly With INSULTS?  Most people know it is Killing Me Softly With HIS SONG--which makes about as much sense...
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How about that line from Angel Of The Morning:  "just BRUSH MY TEETH before you leave me... ?  Well--dental hygiene IS important I suppose...
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Linda Ronstadt offers this classically twisted advice for oldsters in her song It's So Easy (To Fall In THE TUB).  Trust me: it is!  (I know from bitter personal experience.)
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"Walter" (whoever he is) should be grateful in Simon and Garfunkel's famous line Like A Bridge Over TROUBLE WALTER, I will lay me down...
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From my own personal catalog of mondegreens: to this day I SWEAR the Atlanta Rhythm Section announces when you walked into the room--there was DOO-DOO in YOUR EYES.  What a shitty situation!
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Steve Gold (my fellow Baritone from Circle City Chorale) suggested the song Don't Get Around Much Anymore with the famous character MISTER Saturday Dance...  Dunno who he is but he sounds like a great guy!
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Here's a geography lesson Mondegreen style: in America the Beautiful someone thought the line was from sea to CHINESE Sea!  (Where IS the Chinese Sea anyway?  Obviously somewhere near China--but where exactly?)  Or how about that soulful classic Crimean River?  I didn't know there was such a place...
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Mixing geography and food--how about I love SPARERIBS in the springtime/I love SPARERIBS in the fall...  Really--who doesn't love spareribs any time of the year (even if its supposed to be PARIS!)
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I could go on for days but the real world calls.  Stay tuned for even MORE mondegreens!
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'nuff said.

Two Movie Reviews! ONE POST!!!

This post has reviews of two movie sequels that are different as black and white.  That's why I chose Opposites Flower as today's "fractal cookie.  So sit back and enjoy the review of The Hangover Part 2 and Kung Fu Panda 2 (unless you have other plans--in which case what are you doing reading this blog?)  So--on with the reviews!
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A MOVIE SO (NOT) NICE THEY MADE IT TWICE!
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Truth-in-blogging requires me to say that Robyn and I are two of the few people who didn't love The Hangover.  Still, we were in the minority.  If you happen to be one of those who liked The Hangover you're pretty much guaranteed to enjoy The Hangover Part 2 SINCE IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME MOVIE!!!  (Make a timeline of both movies then place them side-by-side and see if it's not exactly the same movie.)  There's no point in repeating the plot: if you saw the first movie you've seen the sequel.
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Bradley Cooper proves he has real "leading man" chops playing Phil, the ringleader of this merry band of misfits.  Ed Helms is still completely schlubby as Stu (and, yes, he gets a song).  Zach Galifanakis is even more of a passive-aggressive a##h#le in the sequel while Justin Bartha gets quickly pushed out of the action (just like the first movie).  Ken Jeong has a larger role as Mr. Chow (and thus is more annoying).  Even Mike Tyson shows up for another turn in the barrel.  Only the tiger escapes this travesty (to be replaced by a drug-dealing chain-smoking monkey).
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The Hangover Part 2 pushes the bounds of outrageousness but I found most of the humor more cringe-inducing than laugh-out-loud (or even quietly) funny.  There's plenty of shock value but not a lot to give you belly laughs.  Still, the movie has the biggest opening-week Box Office ever so I must be missing something.  Still, I'll be interested in seeing what the box office does next week.  The movie isn't for kids (or a lot of adults) so let your opinion of the last movie help decided whether you want to see the sequel.
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I found The Hangover Part 2 particularly annoying.  The actors weren't required to go anywhere new with their roles and all the scriptwriters had to do was bring up copies of the first script on their laptops and make a few small changes.  All the Producers had to do was sit back and rake in the cash.  This is just laziness of the worst sort so that, if for no other reason, is why I rated this a complete failure.
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FINAL GRADE: F- 
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HOW TO MAKE A SEQUEL THE RIGHT WAY
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When I went to see Kung Fu Panda I wasn't expecting much: in fact I expected I'd hate it from start to finish: boy was I surprised!  From start to finish the movie was a triumph.  Going in to Kung Fu Panda 2 I was expecting a great deal--and I'm happy to report the movie exceeded expectations on almost all levels.  Yes, you've seen the plot before but the movie has so much heart you quickly get sucked in and can forgive a lack of originality.
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Jack Black brings the perfect combination of comedy, heart and vulnerability to his portrayal of Panda Po.  Too much comedy or too much pathos could have driven the performance into a ditch but he managed to walk the knife edge of excellence.  Gary Oldman simply oozes evil, as only a classicaly-trained English Actor can, in the part of Lord Shen the albino peacock.  Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie and most of the original supporting cast reprise their roles and do first-rate jobs befitting top-drawer talent. 
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Even if the script was complete crap the movie would be worth seeing on the big screen simply because of the sheer beauty of the art.  With Kung Fu Panda 2, Dreamworks Animation has finally caught up (and maybe even passed) Disney Pixar.  Whether the scene is loaded with action or simply a pastoral setting there's always something beautiful to see.  The movie is sure to be nominated for a Best Animated Feature Oscar (and will probably win.)
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Kung Fu Panda 2 can be enjoyed by the whole family--from grandparents to young kids (who are old enough to sit through a movie at least).  So what if there's a lack of original plotting?  The formula is classic and it is executed to perfection.  The movie would survive a small screen but the scope and beauty of the picture can best be appreciated on the big screen.
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FINAL GRADE: A+ 

Today's Taste Treat: Rapture Fudge!

You knew I was going to talk about the nonsese about the once-and-future Rapture eventually!  I tried to resist--really I did but the dude just--won't--go--away!  Naturally, since we're talking religion (however peripherally) I had to go to the Stained Glass series for your fractal cookie.  I chose Stained Glass 59 for today's post because the black and white colors represent the two opposite viewpoints and the spikes represent the thorniness of the issue.  (OK, that's all BS: I picked it 'cause I think it's a cool picture!)  Now--on with today's rant!
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I've always been secretly fascinated by predictions of the future: it started back in grade school when a local Pastor predicted that God would send a great earthquake that would sink California into the sea--drowning millions.  (I don't remember the man's name but, in his defense, he wasn't the only one making the prediction back then.)  I remember several kids in my class moving out with families selling everything so they would be safe from the destruction.  Well, needless to say the "Big One" never came.  Neither did Y2K or any other "end of days" prophecies.
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Harold Camping made a big splash predicting the world would end on May 21 at 6:00 PM Eastern Time.  Needless to say--he was wrong...  His web site (which had a "Countdown to Judgement Day" Clock) quickly scrubbed any mention of his Judgement Day prediction.  Still, the guy couldn't leave well enough alone: he had to put himself back into the barrel for another round of ridicule.  He recently announced that he was wrong because of a "mathematical error" and that the world will REALLY end on October 21.  (Dunno if he predicted a time.)  Further, we've already had our "spiritual Jugement Day" which has placed the world under Christ's judgement.  What I find particularly funny is that he said there was now no longer any need to warn people since the judgement has been accomplished--yet Family Radio Network continues to broadcast.
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The sad part of the story is all the people who spent their own money (in some cases most of their retirement savings) to publicize the upcoming Rapture that never happened.  You have to wonder how many other good (gullible) folks did foolish (and maybe dangerous) things because of this prediction.  You also have to wonder how many potential Christians were turned away because this idiot had to shoot off his mouth in such a massively public way.  (Is Harold Camping doing Satan's work?  YOU decide!!!) 
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Mr. Camping didn't come across as particularly humbled by his gaffe.  His "I wasn't really wrong" didn't win him any friends.  Will he repent when the world isn't destroyed on October 21?  I kind of doub it.  I have to wonder if he has some sort of neurotic need to make a public spectacle of himself and I don't think he cares about the collateral damage.
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So now I get to wait until October 21 for the world to end--and December 21, 2012 when the Mayan calendar says the world will end.  But--remember this. In case of Rapture this blog will probably keep on publishing!
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'nuff said. 

Yo Ho-Hum A(nother) Pirate...

A review of a Pirates of the Caribbean movie requires somthing do do with water or the Caribbean.  Since I don't have anything Caribbean I chose Waterdeep as today's fractal cookie.  Now--on with the review!
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So Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has rolled into a multiplex near you.  Judging by the packed houses (and those waiting to get into the show) this movie is a critic-proof as the other three.  (I fact, the domestic take was estimated nearly 350 million dollar world wide.)  Fans of the series will find lots of their old favorites back again: Johnny Depp is still having fun as Captain Jack Sparrow and Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa is still oozingly venomous.  Many popular supporting characters are back (at least for a bit).  The movie is substantially shorter than "P of the C3" and it doesn't suffer for that.  You have lots of action and classy effects to keep you on your seat and lots of clever bits to keep you amused when there's no fighting on screen.  Penelope Cruz steps into the franchise as Blackbeard's daughter Angelica and she is, in many ways, a female version of Jack so she is an especially good foil for him.
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The not so good news is--you've seen this all before: the addition of a strong female character for Captain Jack to play against is a good things for the series but that's about all you can say for new material.  Yes, there's plenty of cleverness but there's nothing new to recommend it.  I almost got the feeling that cast and crew alike were "phoning in" their performances: I don't know what I was looking for but I didn't find it here.  Oh--they set up for a fifth installment so I guess we can expect even more Pirates come May 2013.  Still, if you liked the first three (and aren't too judgemental) you'll probably like this one as well: there's plenty of time to enjoy the movie so go have some empty-headed fun if that's what you're looking for.
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FINAL GRADE: B-