Monday, October 6, 2008

"Chihuahua" Goes To The Dogs

Today’s post begins with a fractal called Cinco De Mayo. It was the only thing I could find that had a remotely “Mexican” theme (since I needed because I’ll be reviewing Beverly Hills Chihuahua.) Ah well--on with the review!
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Mexico, Beverly Hills and Chihuahuas all get sanitized and sprinkled with Disney Magic in their latest effort Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Everything is charming and cute beyond belief--but, then again, this is a kid’s comedy and nothing akin to a “serious” movie--and on that level it succeeds. You get everything you expect except the big song-and-dance number featured so prominently in the previews--which, to my way of thinking, is a huge bummer.)
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There are few surprises in this by-the-numbers story: a Beverly Hills cosmetics mogul (played by Jamie Lee Curtis--rockin‘ her naturally gray hair) dotes on her child-substitute Chloe (voiced by Drew Barrymore.) and has a remarkably congenial relationship with her hunky Mexican Gardener (Landscaper) (played by Manolo Cardona). When “Aunt Viv” is suddenly called away she leaves Chloe in the care of irresponsible party-girl niece Rachel (Piper Parabo). An ill-advised trip to Mexico results in Chloe straying away and getting captured for the Dog Fights. While Rachel looks for the dog assisted by Gardener Sam and HIS Chihuahua Papi (voiced by George Lopez) Chloe is helped home by once-and-future Police Dog Delgado (voiced by Andy Garcia). Edward James Olmos gives voice to Diablo (the lead “bad“ dog) while Cheech Marin and Paul Rodriguez give voice to a pair of comic villains Manuel and Chico (who just happen to be a rat and iguana). Opera singer Placido Domingo gives voice to wild Chihuahua Montezuma (“call me Monte”) in an all-too brief scene. Will the good guys end up happy? Will the bad guys get their just deserts in a comical way? Will there be a sequel? Come on people! This is a Disney movie! You already know the answer!
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For what it is, Beverly Hills Chihuahua is pretty good--funny, sweet and sentimental without being too cloying. It’s a “safe” movie that the kids can enjoy without the parents completely falling asleep. True, there isn’t an original plot idea or joke in the movie (except for the excised production number--the funniest thing in the whole production) but everything works. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is far and away from being a timeless classic but it IS a pleasant afternoon diversion the whole family could enjoy.
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FINAL GRADE: B-

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Baron Weighs In On Proposition 8

I made today’s fractal, Marital Pride, when the idea of same-sex marriage was first floated in California several years ago. (In fact, I already used it for a cookie in a previous post about the same question.) I’m for it and was saddened when Prop 22 passed. I was surprised (and admittedly pleased) when the California State Supreme Court overturned it. It DIDN’T surprise me in the least when Prop 8 made its way to the ballot and I knew it was going to get ugly.
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Still I decided not to comment on the case until I saw a commercial in favor of Prop 8 that has been getting a lot of airplay. The lies were so blatant and the slant to ridiculous that I just had to comment because it plays on fears of supporters (who won’t look at the issue critically). I couldn’t find the stand-alone commercial on line but this comment on the commercial pretty much covers my objections to the ad. (Check out this link to see for yourself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-pSye9W7FY .) I wonder why proponents of Prop 8 chose to be dishonest in their campaign. Could it be because they know there have no legal grounds to stand on?
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Honestly, I get why some people find the prospect of same-sex marriage unsettling. I understand they think it is immoral (even unnatural.) Still, this isn’t a question of MORALITY. It is a question of LEGALITY--nothing more. Prop 22 was overturned because the State Supreme Court found that “separate” WAS NOT “equal” in this case. There is no LEGAL reason why same-sex couples shouldn’t be granted the same rights as hetero couples.
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I won’t debate the morality question--mainly because there’s no point to it. Nothing I say will change opinions and I’ve pretty much heard and rejected any arguments the other side can bring to the table. You have the right to your beliefs and I will defend that right to the death even though I disagree with you. Lets agree to disagree agreeably and leave it at that.
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But maybe I CAN do something to calm the fears of those opposed to same-sex marriage. It’s not going to be the end of world--I promise! Legions of married men and women aren’t going to leave their spouses and families to take up with someone of the same sex because they FINALLY have the right to marry! Homosexuals won’t be sending “Recruiters” into the schools to entice youngsters into the lifestyle. (I’ve seen the “Gay Agenda” and there just isn’t time on the schedule.) They aren’t going to come storming into your churches demanding you change your theology. (If that’s happening it is happening WITHIN the church body and the church, as a body, can either accept or reject it.) Same-sex marriage isn’t going to diminish heterosexual marriage in any way, tangible or intangible. ALL it will do is give same-sex couples equal protection under the law.
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When women got the vote there were those who said it would destroy the country: it didn’t. When segregation was ended there were those who said it would destroy the country: it didn’t. When women took on larger roles in the armed forces there were those who said it would be the end of the country: it wasn’t. And believe me--same-sex marriage won’t be the end of the country either.
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Think about it.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Ron's Top-Ten Weird Food Cravings

Today’s post begins with a fractal called Tooth Spiral: It seemed appropriate for a post about eating. Hope you enjoy it.
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I don’t know if anyone else besides be gets weird food cravings but I find myself craving strange things at the oddest times. Robyn and I were shopping at our favorite “Membership Superstore” and we came across a new product--waffle batter in a spray can! Mind you--I don’t even like waffles that much but now that’s all I think about for the past two weeks. A little before that our Minister mentioned a Del Taco Burrito and then nothing would do but that I go get one. I did and it was a gloppy, gluey mess and I can’t ever imagine ordering another one. But I’ll probably start craving one again at some weird time.
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So here’s a list of food cravings. What are yours?
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WAFFLES
There’s nothing better than a nice warm waffle when the butter melts and the syrup is just poured. But the waffle starts cooling almost immediately and pretty soon turns into a cold mess on the plate. Worse, I don’t think I’ve ever managed to finish a plate of waffles without them going cold--yet now I’m thinking about how much I’d love some…
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DELUXE DEL MEAT BURRITO
I don’t often go to Del Taco (mainly because I’m not a big fan of their pseudo-Mexican food. Still, every once-in-a-while I find myself craving one of these things. HAD one (in the car no less--and that was a BIG mistake!) I don’t know why I like these things so well (maybe it’s ‘cause I don’t like anything else on the Del Taco menu) but I still do.
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SPAM
When I was little I remember my Mom making Fried Spam and Eggs as a special breakfast (or sometimes Sunday Dinner) for our family. It was something I always looked forward to and found myself vaguely missing once she stopped doing it. I was reminiscing about Spam and Robyn actually bought a six-pack of Spam at Costco. It just wasn’t the same: in fact--I don’t know for the life of me what I saw in the stuff. (It took us almost a year to force ourselves through the six-pack.) Still, I find myself glancing longingly at the Spam when we pass it in the “tinned meats” aisle.
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GRITS
Daddy was from Texas and Mom was from Louisiana so Grits made a regular appearance on our breakfast table. Most Northerners don’t appreciate the magnificence that is grits. Even today I’ll end up ordering grits instead of potatoes when the choice is offered on a breakfast menu.
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JELLY CANDY
Back when Dinosaurs walked the Earth Supermarkets used to have bins of individually-wrapped candies, peppermints, caramels, butterscotch, lemon drops and other stuff. We had a candy dish in the house and my personal fave was the Brach’s Jelly Candies. I loved the strawberry, orange, lemon, lime and even licorice fruit chews but I didn’t care for the grape-flavored ones. That was what I always reached for first (unless there was Hershey’s Kisses in the dish.) Even today I’ll still go for these things when I can find ‘em.
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BREAD PUDDING
Another childhood favorite. Nobody has ever made Bread Pudding like my Mom (except maybe my aunts back in Louisiana. It was like no other bread pudding I’ve ever had. In fact--when I was an adult I’d come home to visit and go to the supermarket and buy bread and milk and beg her to make it. Of course she never wrote the recipe down and I never learned how to make it so I guess the secret died with her. Robyn has tried making bread pudding and it’s tasty--but it’s just not Mom’s.
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CHIP BEEF ON TOAST
This was usually a “quick dinner” at our house and I always loved it. (Of course I didn‘t find out the stuff was also called “Shit On A Shingle” until I was an adult--and it might have changed my mind if I had but that‘s a whole nother post.) Every once in a while I’ll see it on a restaurant menu and think about ordering it even if I know it won’t be what I got at home.
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McRIB SANDWICH
What is it about these formed-pork, sauce-covered monstrosities that inspires such lust in my heart? Still, every time McDonald’s brings them back I find myself wanting one--I don’t know why.
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ARROZ CON POLLO
I didn’t discover this dish until I was in my forties--and I can’t find many Mexican places that even have it on the Menu. In fact I’ve only been able to find it at one place where I really like it--the Chili Pepper in Orange California. Still, this stuff is so good I’ve even ordered it for breakfast!
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TRIPLE-CHOCOLATE ORGASM CAKE
Robyn adapted this recipe for a Bundt Cake from the recipe book she got with her pan. It’s a “Mix” recipe with Devil’s Food Cake, Chocolate Pudding and Chocolate Chips. (The recipe calls for a chocolate frosting as well but Robyn does it with a cream-cheese glaze that’s way better--it cuts the sweetness just enough. This is her “go to” recipe for pot lucks and gatherings and most people “go to” the cake to the point where we don’t have much (if any) to take home. Since Robyn is no longer allowed to eat chocolate she’s pretty much quit making it--but I DO miss it so.
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Maybe my food cravings aren’t all that strange but I do love them so. So much that I just might have to post this and make myself a Spam and Chipped Beef On Toast with a side of Grits and some jelly-candy stuff Triple Chocolate Orgasm Cake for lunch! Yum! Yum!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

This is MY Notion of White Privelege

Today’s fractal image MixIT seems singularly appropriate for today’s post. The swirling movement evokes how cloudy the issues are and the black, what and blue color scheme alludes to the fact that there is ALWAYS another side to the story. That being said, on with today’s rant!
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My friend Alison Young sent me an e-Mail she titled “Good Commentary”. Since we disagree on what we find “good” about as often as we agree I was curious to see what she sent. I found an essay by Tim White called This Is Your Nation On White Privilege. In all honesty I have to confess that I’d never heard of the man before--but he is a prolific writer, lecturer and teacher. He graciously (and bravely) consented to let me publish his essay on my blog along with my comments. Below you will find his text in BLACK. My comments will be in BLUE. Agree or disagree, I think you’ll find this “interesting” reading.

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THIS IS YOUR NATION ON WHITE PRIVILIGE by Tim White
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For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.
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White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.
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People who know me often hear me say “that’s not nice even if it IS true” whenever someone makes a snaky comment. Personally, I think the pregnancy is nobody’s business but hers the baby’s father and both families--but that is the case in EVERY family. I think that it’s great that Bristol Palin has a supportive family around her--but I also think that holding this up as some sort of desirable situation is nothing short of ludicrous. Furthermore, when Sarah Palin makes public pronouncements about “abstainance only” being the only right course of action then her family situation SHOULD be questioned. Either her philosophy is wrong or she’s a bad parent.
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White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll “kick their fuckin' ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug. -
This makes me uncomfortable. Children are the product of their raising and we can only hope they grow out of their childishness. On one level I suppose you have to give him credit for doing the “right” thing (if that truly is) but, again, this is hardly admirable. The admirable thing would have been to wear a condom--or wait until he was married.
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White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action. -White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”
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Frankly, I don’t think ANYONE is ever truly “ready” to be President of the United States. It’s a big job that’s constantly throwing new challenges at the holder. All the experience in the world can never prepare a Candidate for what may pop up next. If I remember correctly “Dubya” was just Governor of Texas (for no more than two terms) before he took office (but, then again, look at where that got us so maybe I’ve defeated my own argument.)
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White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.-White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.
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Ayup. I DO wonder how comfortable your average white family would be if a black family down the street had an arsenal in their house. Just how uncomfortable WOULD they be?
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White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.
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We’ve all made youthful mistakes we’d rather not have brought up now that we are responsible adults. The Alaska secessionist thing was REALLY popular twenty years ago (might still be for all that) For all I know Todd (that’s his name isn’t it) Palin flirted with this and eventually smartened up: I won’t fault him for that, but now I’d like to know more…
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Some months ago I wrote a post about “Blue Fridays” where I said that “empty gestures” bothered me. When did wearing a flag pin on your collar or attending a memorial event (even for 9/11) become a reasonable benchmark of one’s patriotism? Why are we even worried about this when there are so many important ISSUES in play?
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White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.
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When did we as a nation start becoming preoccupied with “isms”? Racism, Sexism, Ageism--they all in play here. While these are serious issues we need to get past hurling jabs at the other side for whatever “ism” suits your political purpose and get to what matters! (That the issues if you missed my last comment.)
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White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”
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Please God--I hope this isn’t true. I wish I could say I find it impossible to believe that someone would vote for a Candidate just because of their race or gender (or who endorsed them). Still, if that’s how you’re going to cast your vote I suppose you deserve what you helped elect. I’d just like to think that women and minorities are smarter than that.
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White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.
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I’ve learned through long experience that ALL politicians are dirty. It’s not a matter of IF they’re going to get in bed with special interests but WHEN. (Failure to do so means they don’t get elected.) Guess it’s a case of being able to overlook the failures of your guy (or gal) and really, that’s just sad.
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White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.
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As a “good, church-going Christian” I find this especially sad and scary. History has repeated examples of what happens when “God” get mixed up with politics of any stripe: it ain’t pretty. Our forefathers were very careful to assure the separation of “church” and “state” Too bad the lessons of history seem to be forgotten on such a regular basis. Whenever I think of this topic I can’t help but remember the old Ray Stevens song Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show? (I doubt he’d have either a Rolex OR a TV show!) I worry when any Minister tells me that God wants me to vote in a certain way. Christians on the Right really aren’t that different from Islamic Extremeists.
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White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.
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Don’t get me started.
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White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a “light” burden.
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This is another one of those things that makes me uncomfortable. I’m a privileged, college-educated white male and I don’t have a lot of first-hand knowledge of the “Black Experience” but I would never presume to comment on anyone’s life journey. Barak Obama may have a Harvard Law education but that took hard work and shouldn’t be minimized. Maybe he had it easier than some other blacks but it was by no means a free ride.
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And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…
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For me, this is pretty much the bottom line. I’m not a registered Democrat and I’m not all that bright. Still, I can see we’ve been steered off into a ditch as a Nation. (Six out of the past eight years the Executive AND Legislative Branches have been in Republican hands, I’m not sure we can take four more years of the same old, same old.
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White privilege is, in short, the problem.
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With all due respect to Tim White I’m not sure white privilege IS the problem. I think it’s more a question of American Stupidity (or at least Laziness.) We seem to want quick, easy answers provided by camera-ready people who have been coached to within an inch of their lives. We want a good story and don’t want to be confused with messy things like facts. We get all the info we need to make up our minds in 15 second “sound bites” and don’t bother to look any deeper for the truth--even when its right out there staring us in the face or common sense tells us otherwise. Remember--there’s always another side to the story.
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Think about it.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

"Ron Awards: Summer 2008 Edition

Another Summer Season has come to an end so it’s time for this year’s RON AWARDS! Some of the categories will be repeats and some new. So--hit the Red Carpet, break out the champagne and put our your finest designer duds it’s time to head on to our glorious awards show!
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The “THEY ACTUALLY PUT AN ACTOR IN THE SUIT?” AWARD goes to Iron Man and Robert Downey Jr. The lead spends half the movie in a full suit of armor. True the armor is pretty spectacular and Robert Downey Jr. was no doubt laughing all the way to the bank since he didn't have to show up for those scene.
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The DIDN’T I SEE THIS MOVIE IN THE 80’S? AWARD goes to MADE OF HONOR. It was a pleasant-enough movie but we’ve seen it all before--twenty years ago. The NOT READY FOR THE BIG SCREEN AWARD goes to Patrick Dempsey. “Doctor McDreamy” needs to check back into Seattle Grace and be glad he has a hit TV Series.
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The UTTERLY OBNOXIOUS AWARD goes to What Happens In Vegas. Ah--if only it had stayed there . . . Ah well--at least Ashton Kutcher has his production company and career as an Assistant Football Coach to fall back on for money.
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The OOPSIE AWARD goes to Speed Racer. This hugely expensive, almost perfect (maybe too much so) translation of the Japanese anime cult classic tanked at the Box Office thanks to bad promotion and general lack of buzz. The movie also get the WOW! WHAT A TRIP AWARD for the eye-popping visuals (the only thing that makes this movie worthwhile).
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The ULTIMATE RECYCLE AWARD goes to Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull. Beautifully crafted, as you’d expect from George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg--but this movie is a tired retread of the whole franchise. It was fun but so much less than I expected. At least they brought back Karen Allen--who still looks amazing after twenty-plus years away from making movies. This movie also gets the WHAT THE F##K??? AWARD for its frankly bizarre ending.
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The AWESOME ANIMATION AWARD goes to Kung Fu Panda. Yes, the plot is completely predictable but the movie offers the perfect blend of action, comedy and heart in exactly the right proportions.--and the animation is, of course, awesome! The afore-mentioned Panda was the role Jack Black was born to play. I believe this will go down as one of the true classics of animation.
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The AT LEAST HE KNOWS HIS AUDIENCE AWARD goes to Adam Sandler for Don’t Mess With The Zohan. I don’t get the guy--really I don’t--but his audience ate this up. Ah well--at least it wasn’t a complete turkey like last year’s dismal disaster I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry.
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The HE REALLY SHOULD STICK TO WHAT HE KNOWS AWARD goes to Mike Myers for The Love Guru. It just wasn’t funny and not even endless promotion and the presence of Vern Troyer and Justin Timerlake could give this turkey wings. Ah well--I hear he’s signed up to do another “Austin Powers” movie as well as yet another installment of “Shrek.” Maybe they’ll get his career back on track.
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The “AT LEAST IT WAS BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE” AWARD goes to The Incredible Hulk. A new Directly, largely new cast and a villain capable of giving the green guy a run for his money saved this outing from being an existential nightmare like the previous outing. Will it be enough to save the franchise? Dunno, but I’m thinking not--since the most notable comment was the cameo by Iron Man and the briefest glimpse of Captain America.
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The BEST LEAP FROM SMALL TO BIG SCREEN AWARD goes to Sex And The City. This was THE “chick flick” of the summer season--yet it even managed to appeal to men and people who weren’t fans of the series. Will a sequel be far behind?
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The “PAINFULLY CUTE” AWARD goes to Wall-E. You’ve got to give Disney/Pixar propos for building a movie around a lead who doesn’t speak (yet still manages to communicate GOBS of emotion) and they also score major points excellence in animation. Still, the extended “cutseypoo” scene and the ham-handed message manage to sink the movie for anyone over the age of six.
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The “INTERESTNG PREMISS” AWARD goes to Hancock--played so well by Will Smith. The first hour was spectacular and completely original but the movie winds up in the Land of Typical. Still, Smith makes the whole thing completely watchable. Yes, Hancock could have been better but it offered everything you could wish for in a summer movie.
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The “IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE EXPECTED” AWARD goes to Kitt Kittridge: a tale of an American Girl. Toy-based movies are always suspect (at best) but this one proved to be surprisingly good. It opened against Hancock but managed to hold it’s own against the blockbuster.
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The “WHERE WILL THEY GO FROM HERE?” AWARD goes to the makers of The Dark Knight. It was long and spectacular--but maybe too much so. There was so much spectacle and content that I find myself wondering where they’re going to go from here.
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And while we’re talking about The Dark Knight--the “IF HE DOESN’T GET AN OSCAR, THERE’S NO JUSTICE” AWARD goes to Heath Leger for his portrayal of The Joker. The performance was subtle with an undercurrent of madness that made his role all the more frightening for it. Yes, he really is that good.
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The COUNTER PROGRAMMING AWARD goes to Mama Mia. The movie makers deliberately chose to open this movie against The Dark Knight knowing it would appeal to a completely different type of movie-goer--and the strategy worked! It was the best opening for a movie musical EVER and the Box Office hasn’t dropped off much since then. Kudos to you!
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And while we’re covering Mama Mia lets give out two more awards… The “IS THER ANYTHING SHE CAN’T DO?” AWARD goes to Meryl Streep. She sings, she dances, she even makes you believe the wildly bipolar emotions of a musical heroine--and she never drops out of character ONCE! The BIGGEST CASTING MISTAKE AWARD goes to Pierce Brosnan. He can carry a tune but what he does in this movie can hardly be called “singing”--and is acting and dancing can best be described as “wooden.” His every expression (since it’s the only one he has in the movie) seems to say “what the hell have I gotten myself into here?” And that’s too bad--because I generally like him as an actor.
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The WORST ANIMATED MOVIE AWARD goes to Space Chimps. You could forgive bad animation if the plot was remotely original or if the thing was even remotely funny! Too bad this one missed on all counts…
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The RODNEY DANGERFIELD AWARD goes to Brendan Fraser. He opened two action movies this summer and got blasted for both of them. Too bad because pretty much everything he has done is watchable (with the exception of Dudley Doright--which we’d all like to forget.) True, Journey to the Center of the Earth won’t usher in a new era of “Three D” movies and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor has its painful moments but at least they’re FUN! What more can you ask for in a summer movie?
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The NOT *REALLY* THIS YEAR’S *BOURNE ULTIMATUM* AWARD goes to Traitor. Somebody needs to tell the Producers that “action” and “thought-provoking” generally don’t mix well in movies. Hopefully this won’t prevent Terrance Howard from making the leap from “Supporting Actor” and “Black” Movie Star to mainstream stardom.
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The “YEAH, LIKE THAT’S ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN” AWARD goes to Swing Vote. Kevin Costner’s charm saves this unlikely movie from complete drek. It’s a nice fantasy that the “common man’ can still make a difference”. The public roundly ignored this mess--which is too bad ‘cause it was actually sort of a good movie…
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The “NEEDLESS REMAKE” AWARD goes to Death Race. Deathrace 2000 was a schlock “Z” grade funfest with some sly social commentary slipped in so cleverly most movie-goers missed it. This new version is sexed up and the violence is amped up for the video game generation. They should have just made a video game.
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The “BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT” AWARD goes to Star Wars: the Clone War. This could have been a perfect opportunity to take the “Star Wars” franchise to the next level: too bad Lucasfilms decided to put out this crap. Don’t waste your time or money on this piece of crap.
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The CRASH AND BURN (BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY) AWARD goes to Vin Diesel. Once upon a time he was Box Office Gold but his movies have been making less and less money with each go-round. His latest effort, Babylon A.D. couldn’t even make it to Number One at the Box Office against a movie that had been out for three weeks. Ah well--maybe next time Vin…
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The HOW FAR THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN AWARD goes to Christopher McDonald. Back when he was young and hunky--calling himself “Chris”--he had a string of Box Office smashes. Now he’s fortyish and puffy--and stuck doing “Z Grade” movies. How sad . . .
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And speaking of that--Christopher McDonald’s latest “Z Grade” schlockfest inspires our next-to-last presentation. The “STICK TO ACTING HONEY” AWARD goes to Anna Farris for The House Bunny. She wrote, starred in and served as one of the Producers for the movie--and fought hard to make sure that it WAS made. Too bad the movie was so unrelentingly awful.
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The “WAY TO END THE SUMMER “AWARD goes to Tropic Thunder. I’m a bit surprised this big success was released so late in the season--but that might be part of the reason it is doing such big business. Still, it was a pretty bodacious way to end the summer.


RON’ “TOP FIVE” SUMMER MOVIES
1) THE DARK KNIGHT: the only way to describe this is an “epic” super-hero movie with an Oscar-worthy performance by Heath Ledger in his last role. (Who would have ever thought “Oscar worthy” and “super-hero movie” would be mentioned in the same sentence?)
2) HANCOCK: because Will Smith IS King of the July 4 Weekend Box Office--and it was a pretty interesting movie in its own right.
3) MAMA MIA: it was counter-programming GENIUS to open the movie opposite The Dark Knight. Mama Mia had an excellent “per screen” average and kept making money for weeks! (Just what every theater owner wants to see!)
4) KUNG FU PANDA: this is just a darn good little movie for ANY season.
5) IRON MAN: the “thinking man’s super-hero movie”.
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Oh, and today’s post began with a fractal called Handful of Stars. It seemed appropriate for an “awards” post.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"Lipstick On A Pig": the lastest "Tempest in a Teapot"

Today’s post begins with an image called ShockStorm. A “storm” image seems particularly appropriate for one of my “tempest in a teapot” posts. Furthermore I was “shocked” that this story has gotten so much play. Ah well--on with the rant!
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Right now I don’t know whom I’m more annoyed with: the McCain camp for raising such a fuss over Barach Osama’s “lipstick on a pig” comment and characterizing it as an attack on Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin or the media who has given it such broad airplay. Frankly, there’s plenty of blame to go around for BOTH sides here--McCain’s camp for taking a comment out of context (and having seen the entire quote, trust me it WAS) or the Media for giving it such air play. (I’m particularly annoyed at Media outlets who cut out a minute-plus comment down to a ten-second sound bite.
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This is what is known as a DISTRACTION. The simple fact is that John McCain HIMSELF used the “lipstick on a pig” analogy when describing Hillary Clinton’s health care policy back in January of this year. It may not be the most common phrase but I’ve heard it used more than once: “you can put lipstick on a pig--but it’s still a pig” means that dressing up an unattractive thing doesn’t change the basic attractiveness. Furthermore the attack ad reply was a BLATANT LIE. The advertisement claims Obama supported a bill that would teach Sex Education to Kindergarteners. It’s kindasorta true: the “sex education” he was supporting was about being aware of what WAS and WAS NOT appropriate behavior and what to do if something bad happens. It’s education against pedophilia--nothing more. Come on people--be honest for once!
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Frankly, I have a lot more questions I’d like answers to regarding some things which may or may not be true about Sarah Palin. Still--I’d like to know. Does she REALLY think the War in Iraq is a “task from God?” Why does she want Creationism taught in our schools? (I’ve read enough so-called “Creation Science” to know it’s a joke.) Did she try to have books banned when she was Mayor? If so why--and what books? (I’m not at all comfortable with book banning of any sort.) If she is such a champion of motherhood why did she vote down a bill to provide funding for a shelter for unwed homeless teen mothers? (Is it me or is there a bit of a disconnect there?) We really know so little about this woman who could potentially be our President but what we DO know scares me. If you’re a thinking individual it should scare you too.
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Think about it.

Monday, September 8, 2008

This "Bunny" Hops Over The Same Old Territory

You’ll have to wait to the end of the post to see why I chose the fractal Easter Eggy for today’s post. I will be reviewing The House Bunny so read on and see if you can follow my chain of thought…
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You have to give Anna Ferris props for tenacity: she wrote The House Bunny then fought for almost ten years before she actually got the movie made. She starred in the movie and was deeply involved in all aspects of its creation. Too bad it wasn’t any better…
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I think I saw basically the same movie (as an ABC Movie Of The Week) way back in 1971, I can’t remember the title but it starred Connie Stevens as a dumb bunny House Mother to a Fraternity of eggheads and losers. The Frat is in trouble but Connie’s charm and natural wit manage to turn things around. In the version Anna Ferris plays Shelley--a 29 year-old Playboy Bunny who finds herself booted from the Playboy Mansion. (Hugh Heffner and his three girlfriends make an appearance--and Hugh does a pretty good job playing himself and making it look believable.) An improbably series of events sets Shelley up as House Mother to the Zeta Sorority--a place so utterly lame it can only manage to attract seven member and thus is in danger of being booted off campus and their house taken over by the evil “popular girl” Sorority of Phi Iota Mu? Will Shelley transform the loser girls into hotties? Will she manage to save the Sorority in spite of the machinations of the evil Mus? Will she find find love with nice-guy Oliver? I’m sure you already know the answer.
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Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded the recycled plot if the movie had just been funnier! Anna Ferris has the look and attitude of a Playboy Bunny--but the stuff she puts herself through is a lot more sad than funny. Colin Hanks plays charming and low-key as Shelley’s love-interest Oliver (and you a strange, ghostly-reflection of his father Tom Hanks) Emma Stone, Kat Demings, Katherine McGhee (yes, the American Idol runner-up), Rumer Wills (daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) Keily Williams and Dana Goodman don’t fare well as the hapless Sorority Sisters. Former hunk Christopher (formerly “Chris“) McDonald finds himself as Dean Simmons who somehow for some reasons actually LIKES the Zetas.
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I watched the movie in a nearly-empty theater and there was exactly one laugh. Should anyone see this movie? Well, maybe if you’re at your local video store and you’ve down to a choice between The House Bunny, Toxic Waste Mamma or Kitten With a Migraine (and the last two aren‘t even real movies!)
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FINAL GRADE: F
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Now the reason I chose Easter Eggy as today’s image: the “Easter” and “Bunny” connection should be pretty obvious. Likewise, a lot of the image is “Playboy Pink.” Lastly, “laying an egg” is a metaphor for a failure.