Let’s begin today’s post with a Christmas Wreath as my gift to you for reading through my blog. Hope this one makes you smile at least a little.-
As you all no doubt know I am an inveterate collector (scroll down and read Confessions Of A Fiftyish Fanoy if you’ve forgotten and need a refresher). Luckily for Robyn a lot of my collections are intangible: (again, check out the post on “real” unfortunate names for one example). Mondagreens are one of my favorite holiday collections.
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No doubt a few of you out there are wondering “what the hell is a “Mondagreen” anyway? Very simply--a “mondagreen” is a misheard song lyric. (And you didn’t even KNOW there was a word for this!) Some are pretty pervasive (like there’s the bathroom on the right instead of there’s a bad moon on the rise) and some exist only in my tortured mind. So, in the spirit of the season, here are some of my favorite “Christmas” Mondagreens.
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Here’s one from Silent Night that comes from my own childhood… “Round John Virgin, mother and child…” For years I wondered who “John Virgin” was. I went to Sunday School but he never got mentioned there if he was featured so prominently in the song.
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Here’s another Christmas “classic”… “While Shepherds Washed Their Socks By Night”. (The real lyric is “While Shepherds WATCHED their FLOCKS by night.”) Some foks think said shepherds "WALKED THEIR FOX by night..."
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From that touching American-made Christmas folk song I Wonder As I Wander we get this delightful little bit: "For FOUR HORNEY people like you and like I..." Me, I want to know who the other two folks are! (The real lyrics are for POOR HORNRY people...)
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This is a childhood favorite of mine from Winter Wonderland. “In the meadow we can build a snowman--and pretend that he is sparse and brown…” (Of course the real lyric is “we‘ll pretend that he is PARSON Brown“) Hey--I grew up in Imperial County! We actually HAD “snowmen” made of tumbleweeds (which really WERE sparse and brown!) so it made sense to me…) But “later on we’ll PERSPIRE (or maybe EXPIRE) as we DRINK by the fire--to face I’M AFRAID, the plans that we made…
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Why they called him “good” I’ll never know when “Good King Wencelas just backed out--on the feet of Stephen!” (It‘s “Good King WENCESLAS LOOKED out on the FEAST of Stephen! although a few folks have heard him "BACK out on HIS FEET UNEVEN".)
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My e-friend Carrie Brown provided this one from “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.” “Glory to the NEW YORK King!” Hmm--I always knew “New York” was different. I know a couple of QUEENS from there but still... Some folks even add these delightful little bits to the song: “Joyful OILY nations rise DRIVE A TRIUMPH IN DISGUISE…” (OK, if I HAD to drive a Triumph I’d want a disguise myself..)
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Here’s a little gem from “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” “She thought that I was LOCKED up in my bedroom fast asleep.” Hey, if the brat was spying on me I’d lock him up myself!
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God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (which is twisted up enough on it‘s own) gets this treatment. “GET DRESSED ye MARRIED gentlemen. EAT NOTHING ‘TIL THIS MAY” Or maybe: ‘GET HUFFY you JUST MAY.”
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And I guess it was “OLIVE, the other Reindeer” who gave Rudolph so much trouble… I mean, come on! S/he “used to LAP and call HIS DAMES.” (I don’t even want to know what that means!)
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A lot of “mondagreens” seems to revolve around food for some reason or other. Take for example this bit from Santa Claus is Coming to Town. “He’s making a list OF CHICKEN AND RICE..” Ayup! Better check THAT one twice… And once he’s checked that “Chicken and rice” they’re going to build a TOILET town all around the Christmas Tree!” EEW!
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“John Virgin shows up in this food-mangle from Silent Night. “ROUND JOHN virgin MARGERINE child. Holy IMBICILE tender and mild… Things take a bad turn in the next verse… “STABBING FIGHT, HOLD THE KNIFE. SHIP HER CAKE at THIS SITE..” (If the cake’s that good ship some to me too!) In the next verse they want you to “RADIATE MEAT from (your) "holy PLACE…” (and I’m not touching that one. It’s Christmas!)
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This food mangle is from The Christmas Song. "CHIPMUNKS roasting on an open fire. HOT SAUCE DRIPPING OFF THEIR TOES.." (As long as it's "Alvin," "Simon" and "Theodore" I'm all for it!) Some of the "dirty" minded might hear the lyric as "JEFF'S nuts roasting on an open fire . . ." Poor Jeff!
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Songs in other languages are ripe for Mondagreen mangles. Take for example Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano. It has come out 'POLICE DOGGIE-DOG or maybe PLEASE DOGGIE-DOG or even FLEASE DOGGIE DOG!"
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During the 12 Days Of Christmas some folks insist “my TULIP sent to me.. Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten LAWYERS LEAVING, nine LAZY HANSONS, eight maids a-milking, seven WARTS ON WOMEN, six geese a-laying, five COLD END rings, four calling birds, three French hens two PURPLE doves and a CARTRIDGE in a PAN TREE!”
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Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (unless you've made other plans...)
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