All these posts come out of my mind (literally) so it seemed inevitable that I would offer a post with an image called Out Of My Mind. Since this post deals with my thoughts it seemed particularly appropriate for today’s offering.-
Yesterday’s post (scroll down and check it out if you don‘t remember what I‘m talking about!) got me thinking about “unfortunate” names. I’ve been something of a fan of these for quite some time because they appeal to my sense of the absurd. Mind you, I’d never saddle one of my own kids with a “unique” name although Robyn and I have joked about naming a daughter Female (pronounced fem-ALEE) Mange and her brother would be Snout. Here are some my other favorites that are actually floating around the real world.
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CRYSTAL SHANDA LEAR: this started the whole obsession. “I went to school with “Chris” Lear and when I found her middle initial was “S” I had to ask.
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IMA and URA HOGG: I learned about this in 8th Grade and found out they were the daughters of Texas Governor “Big Jim” Hogg. (His middle name was "Butcher" so I guess weird names were a tradition in his line.) Ima was a philanthropist and patron of the arts who had one of the finest collections of art in the world. Ima Hogg is proof that anyone can overcome an unfortunate name.
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CHRIS P BACON: need I say more?
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BEN (not “Benjamin” Ben) DOVER: yeah, real cute--NOT!
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SCARLET and VIOLET GREENE: I don’t think their parents intended to be clever or cute. They just wanted to give their girls “colorful” names that went together.
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And my own personal favorite… SEYMOUR BYRDCHETT. (He pronounced it bird shit and even corrected me when I tried to pronounce it bird schette! I’ve heard of being proud of one’s name
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Sometimes foreign names acquire an unfortunate connotation when heard in English. (I’m sure they’re perfectly fine in their native tongue but in our language they are unintentionally funny.) To wit:
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FUNG KEE: owner of a Chinese Laundry in London. (I had several shirts done there when I visited in 1976). All I can say is “get down, get Fung Kee!”
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KAO-DUNG THIEU: (pronounced “cow dung too“)
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Sometimes the names are unfortunate in their own language and non-native speakers don’t recognize it unless they know the language. Here’s my favorite: Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca. For those of you who don’t know cabeza de vaca means “cow’s head!” Eeew.)
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Hyphenating names can also be a dangerous thing. I remember the story of one Amanda Royell who was set to marry Christopher Payne. Her friends had to talk her out of hyphenating the name lest she become A. Royell-Payne.
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Those in the movie and music industry have elevated the “wacky” name to high art. These don’t have “double” meanings: they’re just stupid. Here are some of my favorites.
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RUMER, SCOUT and TALULA BELLE WILLIS (the three daughters of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.)
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MOXIE CRIMEFIGHTER GILETTE: daughter of magician Penn Gillette.
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PILOT INSPEKTOR LEE son of My Name Is Earl star Jason Lee. Come on! He didn’t even spell it right!!!
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BRONX MOWGLI WENTZ: baby son of Pete Wentz of Fallout Boy and Ashlee Simpson the younger, less-talented sister of Jessica.
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ZOWIE BOWIE: son of David and Angela Bowie. He later changed his name to “Joe”. Wonder why…)
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But my absolute personal favorite of this lot has got to be JERMAJESTY JACKSON son of Jermaine Jackson of the Jackson 5. All I can say to that is: “jerkidding, right?”
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Yes, I suppose these names are “fun”, “cute” even “clever”--but with all a kid already has to face--do you REALLY want to stick your kid with a name like this? I don’t think so.
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Think about it.
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