The Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner

Today’s post begins with a fractal called Give Thanks. What better image could I pick for a post involving Thanksgiving--however indirectly? Now--on with today’s rant!
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The good folks over at Holytaco.com (love that name!) have just released their list of the 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner. Check out their commentary using this link if you’ve a mind: I like the conversation snippets. http://www.holytaco.com/7-most-annoying-people-thanksgiving . I don’t know how they came up with the list but I feel I have to comment. Enjoy--unless you’ve made other plans.
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7) THE RELIGIOUS RELATIVE
You would think that as a self-professed Christian I’d have more tolerance for this sort of guest but you’d be very wrong! It’s fine if everyone at the table is on the same philosophical page but someone with extreme beliefs can really ruin the meal. The only thing worse is being the only moderate in a room full of zealots (I replaced the word “crazies”) which has happened to me more than once. When confronted with a Religious Relative make sure they hook up with someone of similar taste so they can bond or find someone with completely opposite views and watch the fireworks. (Any social boo-boos you make will then likely be lost in the shuffle.)
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6) THE PERSON WITH THE SECRET EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS
Yep--so true. And probably the less said about that the better! Family secrets, no matter how many people know them, are best left secret. If they should come out--make sure you aren’t the one telling.
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5) THE FANTASY FOOTBALL GUY
I’m not a “sports” person (surprise!) so any of this sort of talk tends to make my eyes glaze over. We have a couple of fantasy footballers in my family (they know who they are and most of them don’t read my blog but their mothers’ do) but they don’t often go off into their particular fantasy world. Still, I know gamers who don’t know when to stop talking about their particular hobby and that’s annoying too.
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4) THE NEW BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND THAT WON'T LAST
We’ve dealt with this a few times in our family dinners and it can be a bit awkward. Tell you what’s the absolute worst thought: thinking you know, I really liked the last one s/he brought. Wonder why they broke up? Saying it’s even worse. Endure them and hope for the best. Enjoy them whiel they're with you: the new boy/girlfriend might make amusing conversation fodder later.
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3) THE OVERLY POLITICAL RELATIVE
Hmm--I’m sensing a pattern here: fanatics of any sort, be they religious, hobbyists or political are to be discouraged. Sadly, unlike friends you can’t tell family they’re idiots for holding a particular belief. At least you shouldn’t. I did--once--and, well… Let’s not go back there. Like any other fanatic. Avoid them if you can, find them a soul mate or their antithesis then sit back and watch the fun.
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2) THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT
I was right with the Holy Taco guys--at least ‘til they got here. Yes, super-old relative can be difficult or time consuming but, believe me, having them at Thanksgiving Dinner is better than seeing them in a “Board and Care Facility” or not having them around--especially the first holiday they aren‘t there. Trust me on this one. Enjoy them while you can because they won’t be here that much longer and once they’re gone there’s no more chance to make memories.
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1) THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC
Honestly, I’m of two minds about this one. A lot of my earliest holiday memories are marred because of people drinking too much and starting trouble. Sobriety is a good thing. Still, those who wear their sobriety like some badge of honor and insist on judging others because they choose to take a drink just gets my goat--and I hardly ever drink. Appreciate the recovering alcoholic and toast their accomplishment with the drink of your choice.
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The list is interesting but I think they missed a few candidates for “most annoying people at Thanksgiving Dinner.” Allow me to submit the following additional suggestions. (I think you’ll find them just as annoying if not more than the previous seven.)
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BERT/BERTHAN BETTER-THAN-YOU
No matter what you accomplish they’ve outdone you. Their house is bigger, car is newer and they have better toys than you do. Their kids are smarter, better looking and more athletically-inclined than yours. Their job is better and their friends are more interesting. The only thing that’s lower than you is their golf score. If their friends of yours you can drop them but if you’re related you’re bound to have to see them once in a while. The solution--next year let THEM host the Thanksgiving Dinner (and when they serve dinner five hours late you can laugh behind your hand.)
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THE JUDGE
The Judge sets themselves up as judge, jury and executioner no matter what the situation may be--whether their opinion is requested or not. OK, sorry confession time: this is me more often than I’d like to admit. (But then I‘m not the only Judge.) Dealing with the Judge is never easy: all you can do is slog through until you get a chance to judge the Judge!
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THE ADVISOR
Dear Abby, Dr. Phil, Deepak Chopra and Doctor Laura all rolled into one ball of walking annoyance. Whether you need it or want it they’re their with advice on how you should be living your life. Avoid them if you can and know that their heart is in the right place if you can’t--but refrain from beaning them with a dinner roll. It just makes things worst.
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THE HYPERACTIVE CHILD
Bane of the child-free, this little "darling" is a non-stop pinball bouncing hither and you and never lighting in one place. The faulty volume control is only enhanced by random hypersonic shrieks capable of shattering crystal and unprepared eardrums. Parents and grandparents of the hyperactive child have had time to prepare the unwary guest can only cringe (since getting to the seat of the problem isn't an opiton here--however much one might wish to paddle the little dear.) Booze and pills (for either the guest or the child) are the preferred solution to this problem.
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THE FASHIONISTA
Almost every family has one: the stick-thin female who is always clad from head to toe in T.H.E. latest designer duds--and managing to look good no matter how outrageous the style. Worse, she’s likely to tell you in no uncertain terms what’s wrong with your clothes and how to improve your wardrobe. When confronted with the Fashionista all you have to do is blow really hard and the wind will sweep the twig away so you won’t have to deal with them any longer.
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The list could go on and on: the Athlete, the Name Dropper (I’ve been guilty of this one) the Chronic Complainer, the Hypochondriac, the first-time Grandma... But know this, how ever many people you can slot into one of these categories--YOU are on somebody’s list somewhere. Accept your family faults and all and hope that others return the favor. They’re the only family you’ve got and you can’t trade ’em in--no matter how much you might want to sometimes. In the end it will be better for everybody.
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Happy Thanksgiving.