Today’s post features a fractal I call Going Nova. I chose it because that’s what I felt like doing: read on and you’ll see why…-
What’s more annoying than having to deal with debt collectors who constantly harass you over the phone? Having to deal with said debt collectors when you don’t owe them any money! Read on and I’ll tell you my tale of woe…
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The trouble started a couple of months ago: it was a random weekday much like any other when the phone rang and a recorded message began to play. We had a rather long, chatty message on our answering machine at the time--so the recorded message played right over that--and failed to record anything. The happened several more times and I eventually started trying to get to the phone to pick up enough of the message to find out what was going on. All I got was “this is an important matter. Please call 800-###-#### as soon as possible.” So--when they called back later in the day I actually managed to get to the phone before they hung up.
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The nice mechanical voice asked me to input the last four digits of my Social Security Number: to this day I’m not sure why I did but I did. (I’d have felt a lot less sanguine about input ALL NINE digits.) Of course my digits didn’t match their records so I had to “wait for an agent.” I did--and was subjected to fifteen minutes of annoyingly chirpy “hold” music--only to be told that nobody was available to take my call and please call back later. I did. THIRTY SECONDS LATER. That’s when I found out I was dealing with the Bank America Mortgage Department. I kept hitting “zeroes” and after a while the mechanical gate guardian decided to connect me with someone living and breathing.
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I spoke to a nice lady in the Midwest named Chelsea. She told me that nobody was able to assist me but she’d be happy to take my number and someone would get back to me in 24-48 hours. “But--I don’t have a loan with you?” I told her. “At least I don’t think so..” She asked me for my street address--which I gave--and she told me that didn’t match anything in their records. Chelsea suggested that someone in my household might have a delinquent account with a different part of the company. (She said it wasn’t likely but I should check.)
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As it happens, Robyn does have an account with a related institute but she is up to date. So when I got yet another call from them last week I was confident that they had the wrong number. Still, I missed part of the message that gave me an option to opt out or complain to someone. So--I pounded random numbers and waited until a live person picked up.
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Oddly enough, it was “Chelsea” again--with the same song and dance about there being nobody to help me but give her my number and…” At this point I told the dear lady “I’m 100% certain nobody in this household has business with you! How do I stop these calls?” Chelsea was clearly flummoxed by this question but she dutifully put me on hold while she tried to find someone to help me out. It took her a while (it seemed like forever) but she eventually came back on the line and said I should simply follow the prompts the next time they called. (Why she or someone couldn’t simply take me off the list was something I couldn’t find out.)
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Earlier today BofA called back and I dutifully followed the prompts: it gave me a number of choices which ended with something like “if this is not you press Four!” Needless to say I pressed four…
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This time I didn’t have to wait more than a few seconds to be connected to a nice man named Rich. Our conversation went something like this..
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HE: “Thank you for calling Bank of America Mortage Lending--how may I help you?”
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ME: “I didn’t call you--you called me and I’m frankly annoyed!”
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HE: “And why is that?” Rich sounded frankly skeptical. I told him my name and that I didn’t have an account with BofA. He took a few pieces of information and was finally able to confirm that indeed I did NOT have an account. Rich apologized profusely and promised to take my number off their system. Hopefully this will put an end to my adventures in debt collection but I have no guarantee.
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What really bothers me about the whole thing is the complete impersonality of the process: dealing with a machine is difficult enough (if the machine waits until the *BEEP* to start talking) but being called out of the blue and then forced to WAIT while they decide whether or not they can spare a live person to speak with you seems frankly rude. Honestly, I get that the loan companies not only have a RIGHT but a NEED to collect their debt: still, I think there needs to be a way to opt out of these calls when the debt isn’t yours that doesn’t involved multiple phone calls and hours of waiting listening to elevator music.
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Ah well--it could have been worse. I could have had my identity stolen and been in real trouble. I should probably count my blessings that it wasn't any worse…
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