Today’s post begins with a fractal called ALL AMERICAN. I picked it because there is nothing more “all-American” than the United States Postal Service: the image has a lot of red, is pointy and aggressive--just like I feel right now. Here’s the story of my protracted adventure trying to find what happened to a missing package…-
The adventure began Saturday November 3: I was out with the Titian-haired, ever luscious Robyn running our weekend errands. When we got home we found a little peach-colored card from the Post Office letting me know they were unable to deliver a parcel since a signature was required. I had the option of picking it up at the Post Office (some distance away, not easily gotten to) or requesting a re-delivery. Re-delivery seemed the best option so I promptly called 1-800 ASK-USPS and was directed into “Voice Mail Hell”. About 55 punches later (the tune was a rough approximation of “I Want To Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day” by Kiss) I learned that I needed to make said request with a LIVE OPERATOR (and the national office had already closed for the weekend).
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So I called back before 6:00 AM Monday morning and got through to a real person after another telephone keypad rendition of “I Want To Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day”: since I hadn’t called before 2:00 AM PST time I couldn’t get the package until Tuesday. (Never mind the fact that I needed to make the request through a live persona nd they were CLOSED unitl 5:00 AM PST Monday!!!) Tuesday came and Tuesday went and there was no package. My “regular” mail arrived but nary a sign of the errant parcel. I dialed the “800” number yet again (“I Want To Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day”) around 4:00 PM only to be told “we have until 5:00 PM your time to deliver the package. If you haven’t gotten it by then you’ll have to call back to schedule a re-delivery.” Then they hung up on me.
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SO--I called back at 5:01 PM and a nice lady took my re-delivery request--promising the package would be delivered the following day. Wednesday came--my regular mail arrived but no parcel! At 5:00 PM I made yet another call to their “help” (ha!) line. (By now I was getting pretty good at playing “I Want to Rock and Roll All Night…” on the telephone keypad so I was able to add some seriously wicked “air guitar“ moves to it.) This time a kid who sounded like he might have been 16 (at most) said he’d request another re-delivery!
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I told him “no” that WAS NOT an option. (“Sir--you don’t have to yell at me!” That’s not yelling kid!!!) “Isn’t there anything else I can do?” I asked as this annoying little twerp was fraying my last nerve. “Well--I suppose you could file a complaint… Someone who can help you will get back to you within one business day . . .” I readily agreed.
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This afternoon (11/8) I got a phone call form someone at my local P.O. We went through everything yet again and I gave the man on the other end of the line all the info I had. Sadly, I had everything but what he really needed to help me! (My Postal Carrier hadn’t bothered to write the “Tracking Number” on the card she left me--thus making my package untraceable. Later in the day another gentleman called me back so I told the story yet again! At least he had a helpful suggestion: call the company I’d ordered the item from and see if they had the elusive Tracking Number on file. (They didn’t.) At least he gave me a local number to call them so I didn’t have to deal with the “800” number--although I must confess to a certain sadness about not being able to do my “air guitar” moves one more time. (BTW--this Yahoo had to look up the phone number of the office he was working in.)
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Without a Tracking Number he can’t help me: the package is gone and they have no idea when/if it will re-appear. It may have been shipped back to the point of origin or it may have gone back into the mail stream--and from there it could have gone anywhere. My package may or may not re-appear at some time in the future--at this point it's anybody's guess...
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If there is a bright spot in this tragic tale it is this: at least I don’t have to pay for the item the "Post Awful" lost. If the package fails to show up here by November 14 (I wanted it by November 10) the company will re-ship me a new one at no additional charge. Hopefully the “Post Awful” will be more careful with this one because if they don't I'm afraid I'll have a meltdown. (I'd make a joke here about "disgruntled postal employees" here but it would probably get me in trouble.)
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Still, I find myself well and truly frustrated with the USPS. If my mail carrier had done her job properly in the first place there wouldn’t have been a problem. Their “800” number is less-than-helpful and some of the staff couldn’t care less about helping those who call for assistance. It’s no wonder Fed Ex and UPS are getting more and more business. Still they keep raising our rates: if this is an example of how well the USPS does there job on a regular basis they'd have been "out of business" a long time ago if they'd been a Corporation. Here’s hoping I don’t have to deal with the “Post Awful” again any time in the near future--say the next ten years or so…
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