Sure An' It's All Th' Bad St. Patrick's Day Jokes Ye'll Ever Need

It's a post that's (sorta) for Saint Patrick's Day so naturally I decided to use Irish Cross as today's fractal cookie.  That being said--on with the jokes!
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Q: what's green and sits out in the back yard all summer?
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A: Paddy O'Furniture!
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If you iron a Four-leaf Clover on Saint Patrick's Day you're pressing your luck.

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An Irishman visited a local faire and found a man claiming he had an elephant which could accurately guess his age.  "Sure an' there's no way that great creature could guess me age!" the Irishman said.  "If he's wrong the boothie replied, "I'll give you your money back!"  This seemed like too good a deal to resist so the Irishman put down his money and the elephant sniffed him indelicately with his trunk.  A moment later the elephant broke wind and then stamped his foot twice.  "Faith an' begorrah!" the Irishman exclaimed.  "How could he know I'm farty-two???"

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Imagine the scene as Saint Patrick comes out to his parents: "Mom, Dad, I'm Gaelic..."

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An Irishman named O'Malley proposed to his colleen on St. Patrick's Day.  The ring contained a CZ instead of a diamond.  Taking the ring to her father, a jeweler, the girl discovered the deception and returned to her swain enraged.  "Sure an' I did it honor of St. Patrick's Day" he told her earnestly.  "I gave ye a sham rock!"

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Q: why does the Irish Stew recipe require 239 beans?

A: because one more would make it two farty!

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Q: what would you call an eight-foot tall leprechaun carry a 200 pound club?

A: Sir!

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Q: what do you get when you cross Quasimodo with an Irish Football Player?
A: the Halfback of Notre Dame 

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Q: why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

A: because they're always a little short!

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There are tons more Irish/St. Pat's jokes out there.  But these are all the ones you really need.  In the meantime have a wonderful day and stay away from the green beer!

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'nuff said.