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I blame the 9-11 Terrorists for all my problems: you might think they blew up the towers to strike a blow against the "Great Satan" America but I believe they did it to make my life miserable. OK, I don't really believe that--but we blame everything else on the Terrorists so why not my passport "issues". And besides--the September 11 destruction is directly related to my troubles: because of 9/11 travel rules have changed--requiring a Passport to go anywhere outside the gold ol' U.S.A.--even the countries next door.
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When Robyn and I decided we'd be taking a cruise to Alaska this year, we quickly learned that Passports would be required. It didn't matter that we'd only be visiting Victoria B.C. for half a day--nor would our Cruise Line let me board if I promised to stay aboard our vessel while I was there. No Passport--no trip. So Passports would have to be obtained (and since we would be traveling in June (and it was late March) we'd have to get on the stick to make sure it got done. And thus begins my tale...
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Both the Corona and Norco Post Offices issue Passports so since the Norco P.O. was closer we decided to go there. Robyn was unable to get a Saturday appointment (those go FAST!) we were slotted in at 1:00 PM April 2. Robyn had the day off (it being Good Friday) so this was going to be a cake walk--in-and-out, easy-peasy, thick and cheesey. And it almost was too... Robyn had very thoughtfully obtained the paperwork which we'd filled out in advance (and not signed per their instructions). The Passport photos were taken ($60--and I won't show you mine since I don't want to scare you) and we went through the process.
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Robyn sailed through with aplomb and then it was my turn: my application was in order but when I present my documentation I was told: "I'm sorry Sir--I can't accept this." "Why not?" I wanted to know. "This is expired," she told me. "You have to have a valid ID before I can accept your application for processing." (I wasn't even aware my ID had expired: turns out the State of California doesn't notify individuals when an ID is about to expire--as they do when your Drivers' License is.) She suggested I run next to to the Department of Motor Vehicles and get a Temporary ID and then she'd be happy to process me. So off I dashed over to the DMV to find the place closed! (Not because of the Good Firday Holiday but due to state budget cuts!) So now I had to make a second trip...
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Getting an appointment on line proved unfeasable: the first one available was in the middle of May (and that just wasn't gonna work for me). So Monday April 5 I showed up at the DMV just after 7:00 AM--to find a loooooooong line of folks there ahead of me. There was nothing I could do but stand and wait for the doors to open--which I did. It was cold and dripping rain but I was under an overhang and had a great time chatting with other folks who were in the same boat as me. I got through the dorrs a bit after 8:00 AM and began the process.
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I've often thought that Hell would be a lot like a Government Office: the place is bleak--starkly-lit and filled with desperate souls. Weirdly enough, the DMV Employees were surprisingly kind and helpful (maybe because it was so early in the week and they hadn't had a chance to get disgruntled). They guided me through the process and got me through the process in just over an hour. Once the process was finished they handed me a recipt clearly stamped THIS IS NOT A TEMPORARY ID. "Can I get a Temporary ID?" I asked. "I really need to that to get my Passport..." only to be told "we don't do those any more. You'll have to schedule your appoint after your ID arrives..." (It could have been worse: I could have gotten the news at the Passport Office.
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It took the State 10 days to process my Identificiation and get it back to me. That was last Thursday (April 15) so I called the P.O. and scheduled an appointment for yesterday (April 19) at 11: 45 AM. Robyn came from work to pick me up and ttansport me to the office. (Corona/Norco is a great place to live but mass transit sucks here.) I arrived to find a rather long line and only one person working the counter. Still, I had an appointment so I walked up to the counter to announce my presence. "I'm sorry Sir--you'll have to go to the back of the line," I was told. "But I have an appointment!" I protested. She jerked her thumb: "back of the line," she repeated. So I went to the back of the line.
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Eight minutes later I was back to the front of the line. They brought out the appointment book only to find my name was missing. "Your not scheduled and you're going to hve to reschedule in any case since you were more than five minutes later for your appointment!"
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"Remember the back of the line comments a few minutes earlier?" I shot back. "Not my problem," she said (I'd swear gleefully). "You'll have to reschedule..."
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But then an angel came down from heaven--or rather from the back of the office. "I know about this guy," she said. "I'll take him before I go to lunch." And so the nice lady did: it only took a few minutes to check my work and hand over my documents and we were ready to go. A hundred bucks lighter in the wallet I went home. Now all I have to do is wait for my Passport...
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'nuff said.
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