This post is a first in a couple of ways. To wit: this is my first review of the Academy Awards telecast. Second: I was requested (or at least prompted) to write this by a friend. (So, Alison Young--this is your fault!) The fractal I chose was Nearly Perfect Star in honor of a nearly-perfect telecast.-
I watch the Oscars for pretty much two reasons. I want to see who’s wearing what (mainly so I can see if my definition of oops agrees with the critics) and in hopes of seeing something interesting (a controversial speech, a routine that falls flat, a completely unexpected award or a particularly touching moment. Sadly, there were no major meltdowns on stage, no major award surprises (with the possible exception of Sean Penn taking the “Best Actor” Oscar instead of Mickey Rourke.) Touching moments were two in number (Heath Ledger’s family accepting his “Best Supporting Actor” Award and Dustin Lance Black accepting his screen writing award.) The Ben Stiller channeling the latest incarnation of Juaquin Phoenix bit played well in the theater but I found it painfully unfunny. The Jennifer Aniston/Jack Black bit didn’t work well (and cried out for a comic “zinger” as ABC cut to a close up of Angelina Jolie looking bored and slightly pissed off--awkward!
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Hugh Jackman (when they let him on stage) proved to be an able host. His opening number was one of the best in “Awards” telecast history and his “Salute to Movie Musicals” (assisted by Beyonce and supporting players from High School Musical 3 and Mamma Mia! was loads of fun. The “Best Song” montage was decent (but it‘s hard to go wrong with a stage full of “Bollywood dancers and drummers.)
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Now for the fashion dish…
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Brangelina committed one of the biggest “fashion crimes” on the red carpet--they were boring. How could two such outstandingly PRETTY people look so blah? Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn did it right in basic black and managed to steal “best couple award for their severe, elegant style.
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Sarah Jessica Parker looked like an escaped Ballerina in her “Barely mint” mess of a dress that looked like halves of two separate dresses crawled onto her body and died! And what’s with the stripes in Matthew Broderick’s hair???
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I loved, Loved, LOVED Natalie Portman and Alicia Keys in raspberry pink (how it looked on my TV) or was it lilac (how it looked in pix.) Simple, elegant, perfect!
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I can’t decide whether I liked or disliked Kate Winslet’s gunmetal gray dress with the black lace details. (Actually the more I look at the pictures, the less I like it: it looks like two gowns trying to mate.)
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I actually LIKE “statement jewelry” but the statement that huge-ass necklace Amy Adams made was screaming “get me some denim!” I wasn’t a big fan of her dress either--too much going on there.
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What were you thinking Jessica Biehl? You’re usually SO gorgeous but this ill-fitting ivory travesty with the big floppy bow covering one boob (and BLACK SHOES no less!!! Anybody with a lick of fashion sense knows you never do that!) She looked pissed off all evening (and I guess if I had to wear that I'd looked pissed off too--but I'd never go strapless.)
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Penelope Cruz went vintage but I think it was maybe a soupcon wedding cake-y for my taste.
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Tilda Swinton (as usual) was a hot mess in brown and tan ruffles (complete with hair that matched the blouse!)--although she looked a bit less of a hot mess than usual (which I guess is a good thing).
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Mylie Cyrus came of looking like a “White Trash” Cinderella--and not in a good way. Vanessa Hudgeons had a “what was she thinking?” moment in a black and white mess of a dress but at least she had Zac Effron as arm candy.
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You’d think Beyonce would have fared better since she wore a dress from her own line Dereon but you’d be wrong. The mermaid gown looked like it was made from really ugly upholstery velvet. Honey--the sofa called--it wants its cover back!
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I didn’t love Taraji P Henson in ivory but I kinda liked Viola Davis in “Oscar” Gold lame. (OK, maybe it was a little “Vegas” but I still liked it.)
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The latest fashion trend on the red carpet is “origami” inspired gowns--a truly fabulous idea (for the runway) but it doesn’t quite work out in real life. (All those lovely pleats don’t hold up in the “Real” World…) I liked Marisa Tomei’s cream-colored, multi-pleated affair but the dress rather overwhelmed her tiny frame. Heidi Klum turned the origami style into the ultimate “Fashion Don’t: her Oscar gown looked like she wrapped herself (badly) in scarlet satin. There’s no point in even talking about her awful “soccer mom” hair or the 3,000 pounds of jewelry that DID NOT go with the outfit.
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I suppose I could make snide remarks about Whoopi Goldberg’s leopard-print housecoat but, really, there’s only so much she can do with that body--and I have to give her props for taking some risks. (Frankly, I like her and I can forgive her quirky fashion sense.) Likewise I appreciate Phillip Seymour Hoffman as an Actor but he shouldn’t be allowed to dress himself. Like the Whoopster there’s only so much he can do with his doughy body but that cheap-looking, ill-fitting black-on-black tuxedo of his was just WRONG! And what was with that stupid-ass stocking cap? Who does he think he is--Samuel L. Jackson? (He’s the king of bad hats on the red carpet.) Phil gets my award for hands-down worst dressed at the Oscars. (He even managed to outdo Mickey Rourke in his Saturday Night Fever homage--and that was going some!)
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I couldn’t wrap this commentary up without commenting on Sophia Loren at the Oscars: she’ll never see 70 again but she still looks great and has a slammin’ (yes slammin’!) body. Too bad she was buried in literally tons of yellow ruffles that made her look like a gigantic lemon pie had exploded on her.
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The Oscars are always overlong and under-dramatic. I might wish they recognized style over substance (since I’m not a big fan of “substantial” movies) but it’s always nice when they recognize a “little movie that could” (like Slumdog Millionaire that walked off with eight Academy Awards--including Best Picture and Best Director.) Still, I found Hugh Jackman a refreshing host and I could even tolerate the new form. Hope they keep it up next year.
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‘nuff said
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