American Idol has crept its way back onto our television screens and into our collective consciousnesses. It’ll be the end of May before this year’s circus comes to its inevitable end as a new winner is chosen. That’s the reason I chose Crown Of Stars 8 for today’s fractal: at least the image has a tangential relationship to today’s topic.-
Honestly I don’t know why I keep watching American Idol--at least the early rounds. I love a train wreck, be it actual or emotional, but after a while I become numb after seeing so much carnage. I don’t enjoy listening to bad singers and it just makes me sad when I see delusional people have their dreams shattered (and frankly it always amazes me that there are so many delusional people around.) People after their “fifteen minutes of fame” get boring after a while and there are clearly a lot of these in the show. Although I find I frequently (gasp!) agree with Simon Cowell I find his comments needlessly cutting and just not too amusing. (Yes, I know the music business is rough and you have a thick skin if you want to be involved but do we REALLY need to see it play out on our TV screens?) Now the show has added a fourth Judge (Kara DioGardio) and some wicked new twists like having friends “sing off” against each other for spots on the show. But more than anything else I find myself wondering if this season of “Idol” has been hijacked by a phalanx of screaming queens. (I' m as straight dude but, believe me, I know a Queen when I see one! Trust me on this.)
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Each and every one of the judges is a screaming queen in their own right: they’re all straight but so what! Simon Cowell is a classic “Fussy Queen”, Paula Abdul (depending on the day) is either a “Ditz Queen” or a “Fashion Queen”. Randy Jackson is, of course, the Funky Queen” and the new judge is the panel’s “Butch Queen.” (And while we‘re on the subject of the new judge--could someone please explain to me what‘s up with adding a fourth judge? Isn‘t the show already overstuffed to begin with? Doesn‘t make a lot of sense to me…)
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And then we have the contestants--and what a lot they are…
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If Nathaniel Marshall were any more “Nellie” he’d have to change his name to Alison Arngrim and wear his hair in pigtails. Yes, he has a good, big, voice perfect for “Idol-style” singing but his attitude is just to “la-ha!” for words. Add to it the fact that he looks like he just escaped from the touring cast of Godspell, the facial piercing, weird hair and bad tats he’s just scary--and not in a good way.
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Tatiana Del Toro has earned the dubious distinction of being the most annoying person to ever have “graced” American Idol. I have a soft spot in my heart for the chunky gals: she’s pretty enough and can sing. (You might say she can even sang!). Still, everything with her is so completely over-the-top that she becomes a caricature. I’d think she was out for her “fifteen minutes” but she’s keeping up the act. Honest to God I cringe every time she’s on screen and not singing. I want to reach through the picture tube and slap her silly.
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Then we have Nick Mitchell who’s “alter ego” Norman Gentle comes off like Andy Dick doing a send-up of the show. The guy is good looking and has some serious pipes but his shtick is simply way too much and it gets old faster than Simon Cowell‘s sniping. I don’t think it’s going to fit well with the show or play well on screen. Maybe he should have tried out for Last Comic Standing.
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I don’t know what to make of Kristen McNamara. (Fold her this way she‘s a pterodactyl, fold her that way she‘s a cute paper hat!) Is she a rocker chick, a country girl (she certainly has “country” pipes) or something else entirely. I can’t believe they let her in over the girl she faced in the “sing off.” (Basically, she got through because she was cuter and weighed less: there, I’ve said it.)
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Adam Lambert looks to me like a pretty classic “Theater Queen.” He’s got good looks and a certain “Gothboi” style but I don’t know how well that’s going to go over in Middle America. Sorry to say it but I expect he’ll be gone soon…
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Stephen Fowler came off as a “hot ghetto mess" on stage. He’s another one I can’t believe they put through: it just gets harder as the weeks go by not easier. Maybe the producers want to have the first person to literally self-immolate on stage. I don’t like him: hope he goes quickly.
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Fowler leads off the category I call “Cannon Fodder” the contestants who don’t have a chance in hell of winning and will probably make an early exits. Joining him are Felicia Barton, Kendall Beard, Anne Marie Boskovich, Casey Carlson, Kai Kalama, Mischavonna Henson, Ju’Not Joyner, Jessie Langseth, Jorge Nunez (who‘s way too ethnic for Middle America), Jeanine Vailles, Alex Wagner-Trugman (who really seems like a nice kid but has a snowball‘s chance-in-hell of winning) and Stevie Wright (another young lady who seems nice enough but probably won’t make it past the preliminaries.)
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There are a few people failed to make an impression on me during the ramp up. These people include Kris Allen, Ricky Braddy. Megan Corkrey, Brent Keith, and Von Smith. If these people failed to make an impression on me they failed to make an impression on a lot of America: they’ll have a long hard road to climb out of this hole to make it to the top.
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Right now here are the people I actually like…
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Matt Breitzke and Michael Sarver: two family man from Middle America both a little chunky and less than conventionally handsome. Sarver has the better voice but I like Breitzke’s polite but in-your-face attitude and the rough quality of his singing style. I’m rooting for both of them.
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Anoop Desai: he looks like an Indian nerd and sings and dances like one of the classic Motown artists. He’s fun to watch on stage and should take the lingering memory of Sanjaya out of my mind. (No it won’t: I’ll never be able to froget that Ponyhawk no matter how hard I try…)
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Danny Gokey came in with a good story (wife recently passing away, coming to the try-outs with his BFF who didn’t make it at the very end but still stood by his friend) and his voice is quite good too. He’s got a certain style and some musical ability too.
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Alexis Grace:a funky-chick, single Mom with a big voice and a sweet attitude. I don't know if she has the talent to make it all the way and I have some severe doubts whether she should be leaving her young child for such a long time. Still, I hope she does well but I have a feeling she'll end up being another Brooke White.
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Scott MacIntyre: this guy is my sentimental favorite (because he’s virtually blind--making him, by definition, my people!) He’s also a fine singer and instrumentalist. What I worry about is that when he comes out from behind his piano he becomes a non-entity and this may well spell his doom in the competition.
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Lil Rounds (actually her “rounds“ are pretty big but she works it). A tough but kind, down-and-out Mom with a big, big voice! Dunno how she’ll do with varying styles but the soul songs she has done so far really shine.
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Taylor Vaifanua: what can I say? She’s six feet tall and built like a brick--you know . . . She’s also only sixteen but she’s still hot. Looking at her has got me thinking about Island Girl by Elton John. Yes, it’s official, I’m a dirty old man. There are three or four other contestants who round out the field but I don’t know enough about them to even give them a mention in this post.
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Of course it wouldn’t be “Idol” without a little controversy. Joanna Pacitti made the top 36 but got booted because she had connections with two executives in the production company. (These days the American Idol Producers are bending over backward to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. She was replaced by nonentity Felicia Barton who will make an early exit.
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So that’s the latest poop on American Idol. What will happen next? Who goes home? Only time will tell but I can only say that I hope the “attack of the screaming queens” ends soon.
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-nuff said.
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