EW's "20 Worst Comic Book Movies": Ron Comments

Follow the chain to figure out why I chose the fractal for today’s post. Belladonna (today‘s image) is a plant also called “Deadly Nightshade”--which just happens to be quite poisonous. The movies I’ll be discussing were pretty much all “box office poison” so the choice made a certain sense to me. ANYway--on with the review!
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Entertainment Weekly LOVES to publish Best/Worse Lists: last week I came across their list of the 20 WORST MOVIES BASED ON COMIC BOOKS. (Being a comic book fan I decided I really had to comment on this.). I was never able to figure out how they organized the list (from “Best of the Bad” to the “Worst”--who got the most votes or whatever) so I’m simply going to comment on each one as they posted it. Use this link to check out their reviews http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20186843,00.html .
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SO--on with their list!
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O1) GHOST RIDER: this movie actually made a decent amount of money at the Box Office. Still, half way cool special effects, a couple of cool gights and Sam Elliot couldn’t save this movie from itself. Nicholas Cage played Johnny Blaze like a bad (really bad) Elvis Impersonator. Peter Fonda played Satan as an Accountant and Wes Bentley as his bratty Goth son was enough to make this a total howler.
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02) THE SHADOW: I don’t know why this didn’t make money. The script was fun but there were a lot of good ideas. I enjoyed the performances--particularly Alec Baldwin as the title character. Yeah, it was a bit campy but so what? The source material was a 1930s serial and they got the feel right. Alec Baldwin brought just the right air of gravitas to his part as the Shadow--and I LOVED the car!
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03) BARB WIRE: there’s only ONE reason to see this movie--Pamela Anderson in (and out of)skintight leather. If I were ranking movies for sheer awfulness this one would be right near the top.
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04) CATWOMAN: Halle Berry is truly beautiful (and we know she can act!) but martial-arts in a barely-there leather costume can’t make up for a bad script and plodding direction. It won multiple “Razzies” the year it was released--and justifiably so. Oddly enough, they’d been trying to make a movie with Catwoman since Michelle Pfeifer played the role in the second Batman movie: I’d have liked to have seen that.
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05) BRENDA STARR: I knew the movie had been made and I knew it starred Brooke Shields but I didn’t know anything else about it. Knowing she was in it though, it doesn’t surprise me the movie was a stinker though. (I do find myself with a quibble about it’s inclusion on the list though: Brenda Starr was a Comic STRIP not a Comic BOOK! The difference is subtle but important.)
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06) THE PHANTOM: as I remember I rather liked this movie as well. The filmmakers stuck closely to the feel of the original material and it was campy fun. Billy Zane plays his part with sincerity (and there’s no doubt he’s just plain gorgeous.) He didn’t even laugh at himself in purple pantyhose. I honestly don’t know why The Phantom was included on this list. Maybe the review couldn't handle the purple tights...
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07) DAREDEVIL/ELEKTRA: two movies forever linked. To be completely honest I actually didn’t hate Daredevil. Yeah, I thought Ben Afleck’s red dye-job was laughable but I liked quite a lot about the movie. (Re-imagining Kingpin as a black man was cool.) After DD made a ton of money the same people decided to broaden the franchise by bringing Elektra to the screen. Jennifer Garner is beautiful and that’s all you can say about this movie. It should have been better.
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08) TANK GIRL: based on a British Underground Comic book, it might have worked (at least a little better) as an animated feature. Still, this campy mess wasn’t funny in the least. Lori Petty couldn't sustain the lead role and I’ll bet Ice-T (the only bright spot in a hideous movie) wishes he could forget the kangaroo costume…
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09) FANTASTIC FOUR: I felt like I was watching two movies here--one was pretty good and the other was AWFUL! It just depended who was on screen. Michael Chikliks (as Ben Grimm) and Chris Evans (as the Human Torch) were pitch perfect in their roles. Ioan Gruffud (Mr. Fantastic) looked silly in his artificially-grayed sideburns and he had ZERO chemistry with Jessica Alba (who was so unrelentingly awful) as the Invisible Girl. Their re-do of Doctor Doom was pretty bad too.
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10) SHEENA: the Trifecta of a horrendous script, awful acting and cheap special effects made this the perfect sh#tstorm of a movie. (Even the trained animals looked embarrassed to be in this movie.) At least it had Tanya Roberts running around almost every frame in chamois-cloth bikini in almost every scene (which surely endeared this turkey to legions of teenage boys in the 80s.)
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11) THE PUNISHER: a movie so bad they made it twice! (Once with Dolph Lundgren and later with Thomas Jane.) Saw the first one, didn’t know they’d made another one. The movies makers wanted to capitalize on movies like Die Hard and its ilk but all they got was a badly-acted, bloody mess.
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12) SUPERGIRL: I saw this in the theater and later on tape and HBO and actually liked it. Yeah, it’s completely campy but fun and done well. I don’t think it deserves to be on anybody’s “worst” list.
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13) BARBERELLA: I may have seen most of the movie in bits and pieces (and I wasn’t impressed.) It’s early 70s camp, low-budget schlock that might have been cheesily delightful when it was made. Now it’s just plain bad. But, again--I didn’t know this was based on a Comic Book!
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14) HOWARD THE DUCK: this movie was supposed to be HUGE! Expensive to make and heavily promoted, it was backed by George Lucas (who at the time could do no wrong in Hollywood.) The countercultural magic of the comic didn’t translate to the big screen. Audiences who should have been laughing along with the movie were instead screaming in derision. (And the implied bestiality was just--eew.)
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15) STEEL: another movie I’d never heard of until I saw it mentioned on the list. Still, it starred Shaquille O’Neil which should be enough to indicate it will be a turkey of epic proportions. (Didn't the producers see Space Jam or the movie where he played a genie???) What more needs be said? Stick to something you're good at Shaq old boy.
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16) SWAMP THING: one mucky cheesefest wasn’t enough, they had to make two! I never really cared for the eponymous comic book so I didn’t feel the need catch this at the theater. I’ve seen bits and pieces of this mess on television and it was pretty bad. Still, Swamp Thing has a certain cult following that frankly I don’t understand.
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17) BATMAN AND ROBIN: the nadir of the Batman franchise. The filmmakers tried stuffing Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy AND Bane into a two hour movie! (Oh, and who can forget the nipples on the Batsuits? Yes, NIPPLES!) A lot of good people were in this movie but they couldn’t overcome the bloated mess of the script.
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18) THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN: this movie proves that the parts CAN be greater than the whole. First rate talent, FX and a good director all combined to make a movie so bad Sean Connery demanded his character be killed off so he couldn’t be taken back into any future sequels. (I think LXG was likely "focused grouped" to death by the Producers.) Luckily this didn’t make enough money to warrant a second outing.
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19) SUPERMAN 4: THE QUEST FOR PEACE: Superman 2 is one of the best “superhero” movies ever made. It is a true classic. Sadly, it was followed up by Superman 3--a horrid peace of schlock the was his singly funny. I didn’t realize there was a FOURTH movie even worse than Number Three and I guess I’m glad. (Shudder.)
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20) JUDGE DREDD: Sylvester Stallone actually has some real talent (in the right vehicle at least.) Judge Dredd is NOT the right vehicle!) Bad FX, a bad script, and horrid acting combine to make a howling stinker. Rob Schneider is Dredd’s sidekick--which should be an indication of how bad things can get!
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Yes, there are some real stinkers in this movie--but they left off a few. Where is X-Men 3? Where is Popeye? (Maybe it was left off the list because it was a cartoon before it was a comic book.) Where is either of the Captain America movies? Ah well, I guess that’s why I have a blog!