Random Bits O' Wisdom

A random post demands a random image so I selected one of the many “Arab Diamond” series--mainly because I thought it was pretty. That being said, on with the post! WARNING: this may be the longest post I've ever published.
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I’ve been a fan of “slogan” T-Shirts and bumper stickers since I was in high school. (I even had T-shirts reading WORLD’S TALLEST HOBBIT and HOBBITS MAKE BETTER LOVERS.) I've always had a strange fondness for these funnies, truism or just mean comments so I maintain a collection of my favorites (that I thought I'd share today--dunno why.) These days I don’t have any shirts (and my bumper is “sticker free” because of what it will do to the resale value of the car) but if I DID have some here are some of my faves…
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DON’T MAKE ME BREAK OUT THE POISON (on an apron) And here’s another bon not… MY COOKING HASN’T KILLED ANYONE YET or MANY HAVE EATEN HERE. FEW HAVE DIED. (If you ever had to eat my cooking you'd understand.)
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SOME DAYS IT’S NOT EVEN WORTH CHEWING THROUGH THE RESTRAINTS (for me that‘s most days).
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CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT (yep, that‘s so me). And while I’m on the subject here’s a corollary… GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY, GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
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EMPTY PROMISES, CALCULATED BETRAYAL, SOCIOPATHIC GREED--JUST ANOTHER MONDAY.
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ANY MINUTE NOW I’LL JUMP IN WITH POINTLESS OBSERVATIONS. Yes, I’ve been known to do this: sadly many people I know do it way more…
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EVERYTHING I SAY IS FULLY SUBSTANTIATED BY MY OWN OPINION. And how many people do we know like that??? Here’s another one: THINGS YOU SAY ARE ‘OPINIONS”. THINGS I SAY ARE “FACTS.”
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EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE STUPID BUT YOU’RE ABUSING THE PRIVELEGE. (I’d wear this shirt ‘cause I know way too many folks this applies to.)
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GOOD MORNING IS AN OXYMORON.
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SELECTIVE LISTENER. And aren’t we all sometimes? And a closely related version; I’M NOT HARD OF HEARING, I’M TRYING HARD NOT TO HEAR YOU
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DON’T MAKE ME STRIPTEASE and if you’ve seen me you’ll know why (‘cause I’ll totally do it!)
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I’M NOT BOSSY. I JUST KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING. I do! I do!
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FIRST THE GOOD NEWS: I MADE BAIL…
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DEADLINES AMUSE ME
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I MAY NOT BE RIGHT BUT I CAN SURE SOUND LIKE IT and if you doubt that you haven’t been reading this blog! Or how ‘bout this one? I HAVE MY FAULTS BUT BEING WRONG AIN’T ONE OF THEM.
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YES, DESPITE THE LOOK ON MY FACE YOU’RE STILL TALKING. Why don’t more people recognize this look and shut up??? And here’s the sequel… I’VE STOPPED LISTENING--WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING?
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IF IDIOTS GREW ON TREES THIS PLACE WOULD BE AN ORCHARD
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I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING OUT OF BED. OK, here's a suggestion: THINGS TO DO TODAY: 1) GET UP. 2) SURVIVE. 3) GO BACK TO BED. There, that should take care of it.
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YOU DON’T GET THIS KIND OF BODY BY WORKING OUT
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IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD. Seriously folks--these are words we should all live by!
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I BRAKE FOR HOBBITS AND UNICORNS. Or in Robyn’s case I BRAKE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON. Please don't hit me sweetheart...
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MEDDLE NOT IN THE AFFAIRS OF DRAGONS FOR YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND TASTE GOOD WITH KETCHUP. This also works for "Grumpy Bears" like me...
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PLEASE DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHILE I’M TALKING TO MYSELF
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I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL
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SO MANY BOOKS, SO LITTLE TIME. This is Robyn’s personal motto.
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LEFTIES DO IT RIGHT. Because I’m left-handed here are a couple of more for you. ONLY LEFTIES ARE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND and I MAY BE A LEFTY BUT I’M ALWAYS RIGHT.
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I HAD A NICE DAY BUT I DIDN’T LIKE IT.
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HERE I AM. (NOW WHAT ARE YOUR OTHER TWO WISHES?)
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CAUTION: YOU ARE IN THE “WHATEVER” ZONE
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EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY. And a related bit of T-short wisdom… HE WHO DOES WITH THE MOST TOYS WINS or even HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS STILL DIES
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I’M NOT ANTI-SOCIAL. I’M JUST NOT REAL FRIENDLY
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SO LIFE HAS A HILL. GET OVER IT. And in the same vein… PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL/BOY PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT.
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I CAN WALK ON WATER--AS LONG AS IT’S FROZEN
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ONE ACT AWAY FROM JOINING THE CIRCUS
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WHAT BART OF BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? I love this one. Bwahahahahaha!
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MANURE OCCURUTH.
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I’M NOT OLD I’M “OLDE” or I'M NOT "OLD" I'M CLASSIC
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I NEVER MAKE MISTAKES. I THOUGHT I DID ONCE BUT I WAS MISTAKEN. Hmm--this is a major logical fallacy: if they were mistaken about making a mistake then BY DEFINITION they made a mistake!
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IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU I’D BE A DIFFERENT PERSON--MAYBE EVEN HAPPY. This is funny but oh so wrong! Take responsibility for yourself! Here’s another one I like… DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MELTDOWN?
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GRAVITY ALWAYS WINS
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TOO MANY PEOPLE WITH SOLUTIONS ARE THE PROBLEM.
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WAKE ME UP WHEN THINGS GET INTERESTING
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I’D LISTEN TO YOU BUT IGNORING YOU IS SO MUCH EASIER
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I NEVER SAID YOU WERE WRONG. I SAID I WAS GOING TO BLAME YOU. Or maybe DON’T BLAME YOURSELF. LET ME DO IT.
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I NEVER FAKE SARCASM. And, SARCASM, JUST ANOTHER SERVICE I OFFER.
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WE ARE NOT AMUSED
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THIS TOO SHALL PASS
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DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED THE EXPECTED? Ah such a deep philosophical conundrum!
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ET TU, DUFUS? I’d wear this but so few people would understand it.
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LETS HOPE INTELLIGENT LIFE EXISTS OUT IN SPACE. I’M SO LONELY HERE.
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WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS MANIPULATE THE DATA
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I DON’T SUFFER FROM INSANITY. I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT
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MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE ME NUTS ARE IN MY FAMILY. But, then again, I drive them nuts too so I suppose it’s a fair trade!
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JESUS LOVES YOU--BUT I’M HIS FAVORITE. Or how about this one? JESUS SAVES. YOU CAN TOO SO OPEN AN ACCOUNT TODAY!
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DON'T MAKE ME BREAK OUT MY FLYING MONKEYS. Actually I don't have any but it would be so cool if I did...
And finally the ultimate! WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU READING MY SHIRT????