Today's post begins a new era in my blogging career--the day I start composing my blogs directly on Blogspot; my computer has developed a delightful new bug in that when I tried to compose something on MSWord and transfer it to Windows Mail it shuts down both programs. So form now on it looks like I'll have to hand copy my blog entries or simply plan to type and edit them in directly. Ah well--enough with the complaining lets get on with the post! -
Way back in December I promised you a post on Rock 'n Roll Mondegreens--it took me a while but here it is. The fractal, Squared Arabic 54, was chosen for one reason and one reason only. To quote Mr. Scott from Star Trek--"it's green!" That being said lets get to the good stuff. WARNING: some of the content below may be a bit racy so the easily offended should STOP READING NOW.
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It turns out there's a scientific reason people come up with oddly twisted lyrics for song. British researchers determined there was an unconscious visual component to speech. We humans are lip-readers all unaware and are far more likely to mis-hear something if we can't see lips moving. (Singing magnifies the problem) Still, it makes for some truly amusing moments in song listening--and some of us (read me) are more prone to the problem than others.
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There are three misheard lyrics (so misheard by so many) that they have become part of the popular culture. (Many people believe the mangled lyrics are what is actually being sung.) I've misheard ALL of them--in just this way so here they are:
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1) from Bad Moon Rising by Credence Clearwater Revival. "Don't go out tonight/they're bound to take your life/there's THE BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT." (The "bathroom on the right" is actually a "BAD MOON ON THE RISE".)
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2) from The Joker by the Steve Miller Band: "some people call me Maurice 'cause I speak of the POMPATISS of love". (Could someone tell me what the hell is a "pompatiss?") The correct word is PROPERTIES but you couldn't prove it by me or the millions of listeners who have heard it the other way.
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3) Jimi Hendrix gave us "'scuse me while I KISS THIS GUY." The real words are "'scuse me while I KISS THE SKY" (although you have to wonder if Jimi had had a few drinks in him and the light wasn't too bright what would have happened...) This lyric spawned a wed site (kissthisguy.com) and an entire cottage industry of mangled masterpieces. (Check it out if you have some time. There's some cute stuff there--and some kinda dumb stuff too.)
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Here are some of my own personal "Mondegreens" presented for your listening and dancing pleasure.
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Tim McGraw sings in Let It Go: "ELEPHANTS and GOATS are standin' in the shadows..." The real "critters" in the shadows are SKELETONS and GHOSTS but really I like my version better.
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Gavin DeGraw has given me pause in a couple of his songs. In I Think You Cheated On Me I SWEAR he says of his girl "she stepped into someone else's eyes, someone else's arms, someone else's OBVIOUS POO." In I'm In Love With A Girl he lets us know "she knows how to treat a PECKER RIGHT..."
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Another song that has been on the charts recently is I Love You by Ingrid Michaelson in which she tells the world "I love you more than MICHAEL LOVES A PRIMATE". Well--Michael (Jackson) DOES love a primate--or at least he did (remember Bubbles the Chimp?) but the real words are "I love you more than I COULD EVER PROMISE"
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Sometimes people come up with different mangles for the same lyric. For example in You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille by Kenny Rogers I hear the line "four UGLY children and a COP in the field." My nephew Lance and his step-dad here it as "four HUNDRED children..." and a friend of mine who asked to remain anonymous (for reasons that will soon become obvious) thinks it is "four HORNY children ARE A-COPPIN' A FEEL..." The correct lyrics are "four hungry children and a crop in the field."
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For reasons unknown (maybe British researches will spend millions of dollars and years figuring this one out) there seems to be an obsession with food when it comes to Mondegreens. In La Isla Bonita by Madonna I hear "last night I dreamt of SOME BAGELS/young girl with eyes like POTATOES". (In reality the lyrics are "last night I dreamt of SAN PEDRO/young girl with eyes like THE DESERT...") To which all I have to say is--what ARE "eyes like the desert?"--dry and brown?
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I haven't heard this one personally but it supports my point (and I think it's funny so I'm including it here:) in Taking Care of Business by Bachman-Turner Overdrive there are those who swear the lyric is BAKIN' CARROT BISCUITS..." (If you can make carrot bread I suppose you can bake carrot biscuits...)
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Here's a "food-related misquote from Drowning by the Backstreet Boys: "girl you NEED A BREATH MINT but it's OK." The real lyrics are "girl, you leave me breathless but it's OK..."
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Way back in 1983 Dexy's Midnight Runners told the world in Come on Eileen: "I swear I COOK BEANS. At this moment I COOK ONLY PEAS." The correct lyrics are: "I swear what it means. At this moment you mean everything."
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These next ones are food-related just fun (and I couldn't resist the urge to tag some of my friends in this post). Andrea Pittsenbarger thought the lyrics to Benny and the Jets were "she's got electric BOOBS." Me I knew it was "electric boots" although I thought the next line was "AND NO-HAIR SOUP". (It's really "a mohair suit".) I could probably write a while post on Elton John misquotes but I'll leave that for another day.
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My friend "Sprocket" Schmidt thought the Go Gos song was "I LOVE TOM SEAVER". (And, really--who doesn't?) Still, I thought it was "ALEX THE SEAL." Come on people! "Alex" is a good name for a seal--isn't it?
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At one point I thought the lyrics to You're The One That I Want from Grease were "I got SHOES, they're MADE OF PLYWOOD." (It really is "I got chills they're multiplyin'"--but you could have shoes made of plywood...
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And then there are the times you just have to be GLAD the lyrics are misheard. I remember a conversation with a friend after we overheard her 5 year old daughter singing "Like a CURTAIN, SHUT for the very first time..." and all I could do was shake my head and say--"aren't you glad she doesn't know what right words are?"
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Occasionally there are times when the lyrics really ARE what they seem to be. Some of you will remember when Nirvana ushered in the "age of grunge" with Smells Like Teen Spirit and the immortal chorus "Here we are now--entertain us/I feel stupid and contagious..." My own personal favorite though is America who had me scratching my head with line like "'cause the free wind is blowing through your hair/and the day surrounds your daylight there/seasons crying no despair/alligator lizards in the air..."
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As long as there are songs and people who hear them there will be Mondegreens. So--long live song and long live the mondegreen! Keep yours eyes peeled: I may feel the need to publish even more of these gems.
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'nuff said
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