Today’s post begins with a fractal called GOLD STAR IMAGE. I picked it because I will be issuing the first annual “Ron Awards” for the Summer 2007 Movie Season. This new, much-coveted award enters the consciousness of Hollywood for movies relased from the first weekend of May through Labor Day. The Ronnies celebrate the best (and worst of the movie season: they are voted in by the famous Academy of Average Movie-Watching Guys--a most exclusive membership (one person only!) so getting this award is obviously a singular achievement. And with that lets get on with the awards!
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The first "Ronnie" is presented for THE SEANSON’S WORST SEQUEL. And the award goes to . . Shrek 3!!! Spiderman 3 cone in a close second thanks to its bloated plot and “phoned-in” performances but the third installment of the “Shrek“ series takes it as Shrek and Fiona end up playing second fiddle to the myriad of supporting character (all who fare better than the stars) in a story right out of a generic sit-com. Sadly, we can look forward to many more Shrek and Spiderman sequels in the years to come.
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Next up, the “I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE THAT” AWARD. And the Ronnie goes to . . . Seth Rogen’s ass in Knocked Up!!! It’s a great, white doughy thing mooning up the screen more than once. Blonde beauty Katherine Heiggl also stars in the movie but do we get to see her naked? No! Just a bunch of dudes that really should keep their clothes on . . .
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The “WHO KNEW HE WAS ACTUALLY A CYBORGER SUPER HERO?” AWARD goes to Bruce Willis playing John MacClaine in Live Free or Die Hard. The beauty of the “Die Hard” franchise was that Willis’ character had a certain believability and the viewer had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, this scenario could happen in the real world. Not so, in this installment: the stunts get too huge for words and there is a long fight scene near the end where the cop battle a rogue Russian female Agent. The fight looks great but it quickly crosses over into Cartoonland. Nobody could take that kind of punishment and keep standing--much less keep up a constant stream of clever banter!) And it doesn’t help that all the best parts are given to the supporting characters.
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The “HOW MANY MOVIES CAN AN ACTOR DO IN ONE SEASON?" AWARD goes to Shia Le Boeuf. First he plays a teenager on house arrest in Disturbia then he stars in the juggernaut which is Transformers and somehow manages to fit in voice work as penguin Cody Maverick in Surf’s Up, Doesn’t hurt that he’s a cutie-patootie and can act too.
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Next up, the BEST CAMEO AWARD. Hairspray tries hard to win this award with cameos from John Waters (who wrote and directed the original version of the film), Ricki Lake and Jerry Stiller (who starred in it), Still, this award has to go Ryan Seacrest playing himself in Knocked Up. His brief scene effectively skewers his own interviewing style and Young Hollywood to perfection. Steve Carrel deserves an honorable mention for playing himself in the same movie.
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And speaking of Steve Carrel--we now present the “MOTHER OF MERCY, IS THIS THE END OF STEVE CARREL?” AWARD to Evan Almighty. Steve may be a nice guy and a good actor but not even his comedic talents can save him from this big-budget but still dismal and uninspired sequel to Bruce Almighty. Even the huge special effects and tons of animal actors weren’t enough to keep this movie afloat. Lets hope Steve is served better in Get Smart or he may find himself relegated to the small screen and supporting roles for the rest of his career.
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The “BUTT-NUMBER” and the “SAY WHAT?” AWARD goes to Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Dead Man’s Chest. The movie clocks in at about three hours and is so packed with so many characters that you can hardly tell the players without a score card. Add to it the multiple crosses, doublecrosses and redoubled crosses and it leaves the viewer going “say what?” several times throughout the movie.
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The “ADULT” ANIMATED FEATURE AWARD goes to Ratatouille. Paris had never looked more beautiful on film and the crew obviously loved fine dining. They even manage to make sewer rats cute and cuddly. Too bad Inside Edition ran a series on real rats rampaging through kitchens in New York City.
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While we’re on the subject of animated movies--the BEST “MOCKUMENTARY” AWARD goes to Surf’s Up. The movie is done like a “surf documentary” (complete with cut-in “interviews” and grainy “old” movie footage) about penguins (!?!) coming together for a surfing contest on “Pengu Island.”. Shia Le Boeuf is perfectly cast as Cody Maverick but the movie is stole by Jeff Bridges playing burned-out surf legend Zeke. This movie proves that a movie about anthropomorphized animals can make money if it’s really good.
-
The “SO WRONG, YET SO RIGHT! AWARD goes to Knocked Up. Who’d have thought that a movie about an unplanned pregnancy could be an out-and-out laugh riot? The jokes are often raw and the language rough--not to mention a few times where the jokes get a bit too inside for Average Joe but just a few. Most of the time you’ll be laughing so hard your face and stomach hurt and the viewer won’t mind the tacked-on life-affirming happy ending. This isn’t a movie for children but adults will find it enjoyable.
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The BIGGEST MISCASTING AWARD goes to John Travolta and Michelle Pfeifer in Hairspray. Travolta demanded (and got) a lot of say in his portrayal of Edna Turnblat--and it fell completely flat. At least he can dance--but the same can’t be said for Michelle Pfeifer. She has about as much impact in her role as a slice of Wonder Bread.
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THE “OUT WITH A BANG” AWARD goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. The “Bourne” franchise comes to a satisfactory close with a surprisingly “realistic” turn. Sure there is all the action an average guy could love and everything gets wrapped up neatly in the third installment. But please--don’t make a “Bourne” 4!!!
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The “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER” AWARD goes to No Reservations. Here you have an Oscar Winner and an Oscar-nominated Actress teamed with well-respected people behind the scenes and you still have a muddy mess-of-a-movie. How this is possible is beyond me! No reservations? You should have plenty here!
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The ULTIMATE “CHICK FLICK” AWARD goes to Becoming Jane. It’s a costume epic! It’s released by Miramix!! It’s about Jane “freakin’ Austin!!! This is the kind of movie any self-respecting Average Guy should dread when his female S.O. says she wants to go. Still, sitting through this will score you major points with your lady--and make her more likely to sit through something with big explosions down the line.
-
The “LETS HOPE THIS TREND IS OVER” AWARD goes to “Torture Porn” movies. After a few modest successes (by movies with a little more to offer than endless acts of violence and degradation (usually involving nude, or scantily-clad pretty young women), this summer has seen a number of sadistic, ultra-graphic (so called) “Thrillers” come and go without making much financial impact--proving that the American movie-going pubic has at least a little taste! Lets hope we’ve seen the last of this trend--or at least let it be relegated to the “Direct to Video” market where we don’t have to be bombarded with advertisemnts for them.
-
The “WHY DO THIS GUY’S MOVIES KEEP MAKING SO DAMN MUCH MONEY?” AWARD goes to Adam Sandler for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. It was completely lacking in originality, had tons of recycled jokes and verged on the homophobic until the very end where the movie does a 180 and hammers home a message of tolerance and acceptance (complete with cameos from Hollywood gays Richard Chamberlain and Lance Bass). This movie wants to “swing both ways” but it simply doesn’t ring true. Still, Sandler is critic proof and there seems to be a never-ending audience for his movies. I actually enjoyed his last two movies The Longest Yard and Click but this flick is a giant step backward in every way.
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And while we’re dissing “Chuck and Larry” lets give the “GIANT STEP BACKWARD IN CULTURAL STERREOTYPING” AWARD to Robb Schneider for his role as an Asian Minister. This role was cut right out of bad 50s and 60s TV but it could have worked if it had been funny. (Too bad it wasn’t.) Makes one wonder why Sandler keeps casting his friend Schneider in movies (even for cameos).
-
The first "Ronnie" is presented for THE SEANSON’S WORST SEQUEL. And the award goes to . . Shrek 3!!! Spiderman 3 cone in a close second thanks to its bloated plot and “phoned-in” performances but the third installment of the “Shrek“ series takes it as Shrek and Fiona end up playing second fiddle to the myriad of supporting character (all who fare better than the stars) in a story right out of a generic sit-com. Sadly, we can look forward to many more Shrek and Spiderman sequels in the years to come.
-
Next up, the “I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE THAT” AWARD. And the Ronnie goes to . . . Seth Rogen’s ass in Knocked Up!!! It’s a great, white doughy thing mooning up the screen more than once. Blonde beauty Katherine Heiggl also stars in the movie but do we get to see her naked? No! Just a bunch of dudes that really should keep their clothes on . . .
-
The “WHO KNEW HE WAS ACTUALLY A CYBORGER SUPER HERO?” AWARD goes to Bruce Willis playing John MacClaine in Live Free or Die Hard. The beauty of the “Die Hard” franchise was that Willis’ character had a certain believability and the viewer had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, this scenario could happen in the real world. Not so, in this installment: the stunts get too huge for words and there is a long fight scene near the end where the cop battle a rogue Russian female Agent. The fight looks great but it quickly crosses over into Cartoonland. Nobody could take that kind of punishment and keep standing--much less keep up a constant stream of clever banter!) And it doesn’t help that all the best parts are given to the supporting characters.
-
The “HOW MANY MOVIES CAN AN ACTOR DO IN ONE SEASON?" AWARD goes to Shia Le Boeuf. First he plays a teenager on house arrest in Disturbia then he stars in the juggernaut which is Transformers and somehow manages to fit in voice work as penguin Cody Maverick in Surf’s Up, Doesn’t hurt that he’s a cutie-patootie and can act too.
-
Next up, the BEST CAMEO AWARD. Hairspray tries hard to win this award with cameos from John Waters (who wrote and directed the original version of the film), Ricki Lake and Jerry Stiller (who starred in it), Still, this award has to go Ryan Seacrest playing himself in Knocked Up. His brief scene effectively skewers his own interviewing style and Young Hollywood to perfection. Steve Carrel deserves an honorable mention for playing himself in the same movie.
-
And speaking of Steve Carrel--we now present the “MOTHER OF MERCY, IS THIS THE END OF STEVE CARREL?” AWARD to Evan Almighty. Steve may be a nice guy and a good actor but not even his comedic talents can save him from this big-budget but still dismal and uninspired sequel to Bruce Almighty. Even the huge special effects and tons of animal actors weren’t enough to keep this movie afloat. Lets hope Steve is served better in Get Smart or he may find himself relegated to the small screen and supporting roles for the rest of his career.
-
The “BUTT-NUMBER” and the “SAY WHAT?” AWARD goes to Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Dead Man’s Chest. The movie clocks in at about three hours and is so packed with so many characters that you can hardly tell the players without a score card. Add to it the multiple crosses, doublecrosses and redoubled crosses and it leaves the viewer going “say what?” several times throughout the movie.
-
The “ADULT” ANIMATED FEATURE AWARD goes to Ratatouille. Paris had never looked more beautiful on film and the crew obviously loved fine dining. They even manage to make sewer rats cute and cuddly. Too bad Inside Edition ran a series on real rats rampaging through kitchens in New York City.
-
While we’re on the subject of animated movies--the BEST “MOCKUMENTARY” AWARD goes to Surf’s Up. The movie is done like a “surf documentary” (complete with cut-in “interviews” and grainy “old” movie footage) about penguins (!?!) coming together for a surfing contest on “Pengu Island.”. Shia Le Boeuf is perfectly cast as Cody Maverick but the movie is stole by Jeff Bridges playing burned-out surf legend Zeke. This movie proves that a movie about anthropomorphized animals can make money if it’s really good.
-
The “SO WRONG, YET SO RIGHT! AWARD goes to Knocked Up. Who’d have thought that a movie about an unplanned pregnancy could be an out-and-out laugh riot? The jokes are often raw and the language rough--not to mention a few times where the jokes get a bit too inside for Average Joe but just a few. Most of the time you’ll be laughing so hard your face and stomach hurt and the viewer won’t mind the tacked-on life-affirming happy ending. This isn’t a movie for children but adults will find it enjoyable.
-
The BIGGEST MISCASTING AWARD goes to John Travolta and Michelle Pfeifer in Hairspray. Travolta demanded (and got) a lot of say in his portrayal of Edna Turnblat--and it fell completely flat. At least he can dance--but the same can’t be said for Michelle Pfeifer. She has about as much impact in her role as a slice of Wonder Bread.
-
THE “OUT WITH A BANG” AWARD goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. The “Bourne” franchise comes to a satisfactory close with a surprisingly “realistic” turn. Sure there is all the action an average guy could love and everything gets wrapped up neatly in the third installment. But please--don’t make a “Bourne” 4!!!
-
The “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER” AWARD goes to No Reservations. Here you have an Oscar Winner and an Oscar-nominated Actress teamed with well-respected people behind the scenes and you still have a muddy mess-of-a-movie. How this is possible is beyond me! No reservations? You should have plenty here!
-
The ULTIMATE “CHICK FLICK” AWARD goes to Becoming Jane. It’s a costume epic! It’s released by Miramix!! It’s about Jane “freakin’ Austin!!! This is the kind of movie any self-respecting Average Guy should dread when his female S.O. says she wants to go. Still, sitting through this will score you major points with your lady--and make her more likely to sit through something with big explosions down the line.
-
The “LETS HOPE THIS TREND IS OVER” AWARD goes to “Torture Porn” movies. After a few modest successes (by movies with a little more to offer than endless acts of violence and degradation (usually involving nude, or scantily-clad pretty young women), this summer has seen a number of sadistic, ultra-graphic (so called) “Thrillers” come and go without making much financial impact--proving that the American movie-going pubic has at least a little taste! Lets hope we’ve seen the last of this trend--or at least let it be relegated to the “Direct to Video” market where we don’t have to be bombarded with advertisemnts for them.
-
The “WHY DO THIS GUY’S MOVIES KEEP MAKING SO DAMN MUCH MONEY?” AWARD goes to Adam Sandler for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. It was completely lacking in originality, had tons of recycled jokes and verged on the homophobic until the very end where the movie does a 180 and hammers home a message of tolerance and acceptance (complete with cameos from Hollywood gays Richard Chamberlain and Lance Bass). This movie wants to “swing both ways” but it simply doesn’t ring true. Still, Sandler is critic proof and there seems to be a never-ending audience for his movies. I actually enjoyed his last two movies The Longest Yard and Click but this flick is a giant step backward in every way.
-
And while we’re dissing “Chuck and Larry” lets give the “GIANT STEP BACKWARD IN CULTURAL STERREOTYPING” AWARD to Robb Schneider for his role as an Asian Minister. This role was cut right out of bad 50s and 60s TV but it could have worked if it had been funny. (Too bad it wasn’t.) Makes one wonder why Sandler keeps casting his friend Schneider in movies (even for cameos).
-
The “WHO DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING?” AWARD goes to Ving Rhames who plays super-butch Fireman Duncan who just happens to be screamingly gay. Kudos to Rhames for playing against type though.
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The “IT WASN’T COMPLETELY AWFUL” AWARD goes to Bratz. To be completely honest Bratz dolls have always given me the fantods. I’m just not sure that the sexed-up, fashion crazed toys send a good message to young girls. Their movie though manages to convey a message of empowerment and acceptance of self and others that kids should hear. Yeah, there is plenty of flash and fashion but they gotta sell the movie somehow.
-
The “IT WASN’T AS BAD AS I EXPECTED” AWARD goes to Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. The first “FF” movie was just shy of abysmal--and a lot of the problems from the first movie still remain here. But the second (and probably last) installment moves along so quickly that most of the flaws don’t really show up--at least on the first viewing. If they made a third movie I’d probably go see it.
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While we’re on the subject of the latest “FF” movie lets give out the “COOLEST CGI VISUAL” AWARD to the Silver Surfer from Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. The character’s body is provided by British Actor Doug Jones and the voice is provided by Lawrence Fishburne with a healthy dose of CGI that has to be the most amazing single thing on the movie screen this summer. The robots from Transformers deserve an honorable mention but they just don’t quite reach the coolness level of the Silver Surfer.
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The “HOW DID THIS THING MAKE SO DAMN MUCH MONEY?” AWARD goes to The Simpsons Movie. The Simpsons has been on television for almost 20 years and is re-run multiple times in almost every market (in the United States at least) so why did this movie (which covers no new ground and doesn’t have a lot of originality) make the pile of dough it did (and probably will keep on making for some time to come)? Fox deserves an award for their marketing campaign at the very least for this feat. Pity they couldn’t have put out a better movie . . .
-
The “HOW FAR THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN” AWARD goes to Cuba Gooding Jr for Daddy Day Camp. This Oscar-winning actor finds himself trapped in yet another venal, unfunny movie that is cringe-worthy for even it’s target audience. Still, Cuba has at least three movies coming out in 2008 (including on called American Gangster) so he may yet be redeemed. Just as long as he doesn’t make another Boat Trip any time soon . . .
-
The “MARCH OF THE PENGUINS” PART DEUX AWARD goes to Arctic Tale. It’s a live-action story of a young Polar Bear and Walrus growing up and dealing with the climate changes in the far North. How can you not love cute little Polar Bears and roly-poly Walrus cubs--and they even sneak in a message about Global Warming! The motherly narration by Queen Latifah helps make this movie a slam-dunk sleeper hit that is sure to be mentioned come “Oscar” time and insures it a long life on DVD. Too bad it didn't do better in the theaters since it'll be all the harder to finance movies of htis type later on.
-
The “WAITINF FOR GODOT” AWARD goes to Balls Of Fury. It’s a movie about underworld Ping Pong Tournament staged by “Mr. Feng” (Christopher Walken burlesquing an Asian Crime Lord--but unlike Robb Schneider Walken makes it work for him). Dan Fogler, George Lopez and Maggie Q also star. The movie gets the award for sheer silliness and strangeness--even though it wasn’t all that good.
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The “LET’S PUT HIM OUT TO PASTURE” AWARD goes to Jackie Chan for Rush Hour Three. I love Jackie Chan’s comedic timing and the almost balletic style of his martial arts moves: Chan still has the timing but he’s clearly losing a step or two in the moves department--which is nNot all that surprising really: the man is pushing (if not dragging) 60. He’s clearly getting to old and it shows in his latest outing. (Fans expecting to be wowed by Jackie’s movies simply won’t find them here. Best he go out while he’s still near the top of his game. And while we’re at it--lets put the whole Rush Hour franchise too before it becomes complete awful and irrelevant.
-
The “BEST” TEEN SEX-COMEDY AWARD goes to Superbad! Many of the Knocked UP are involved in this movie and it shows in the crude, often completely gross humor. The language is raw and the jokes are often cringe-inducing but I laughed so hard my face hurt! This is the best “teen sex comedy” since American Pie.
-
The “I SO CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE’ AWARD goes to The Golden Compass. The movie won’t be released until December but the trailer has been showing since June and it looks AWESOME! There are plenty of cool visual effects and a whole new world is created for us to enjoy. Add to this a host of “A List” stars and armored talking Polar Bears and you have what may well be the coolest movie of the Christmas Season. There are trailers out for a bunch of movies that kids, families and average guys will enjoy so it should be a fine viewing season.
-
And now for our final and most important award for THE PERFECT SUMMER MOVIE. And the “Ronnie” goes to--Transformers!!! It’s got huge battles, giant transforming robots destroying downtown Los Angeles, fresh-faced young stars several well-respected veteran actors in supporting roles. Of course we have the requisite humongous plot holes but a script that moves so fast the viewer can’t catch them without a lot of reflection. A lot of humor helps put this movie over the top.
-
RON’S “TOP FIVE” SUMMER MOVIES
1.) Transformers natch. This may be a summer movie for the ages that may well rank right up there with such classics as Raiders of the Lost Ark and Independence Day.
2.) Knocked Up. Every summer movie seasons needs a screamingly funny “adult” comedy in the vein of American Pie or Wedding Crashers and this movie succeeds in spades. This movie will hold up for years to come.
3.) Ratatouille. Not since The Incredibles has Pixar managed to produce a movie with such heart--and they manage to make sewer rats cute! Adults and children alike will enjoy this movie.
4.) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. The movie is overlong and often confusing--not to mention taking a needless dark turn but it made a ton of money (and will create a “P. of the C” 4) so you have to mention it here.
5.) The Bourne Ultimatum. This all-action, plot-free ode to Testosterone shattered all kinds of records for an August opening. It beats out Live Free or Die Hard for the fifth spot because it has a more hard and a certain air of believability that other movies of its kind lack.
-
The “IT WASN’T COMPLETELY AWFUL” AWARD goes to Bratz. To be completely honest Bratz dolls have always given me the fantods. I’m just not sure that the sexed-up, fashion crazed toys send a good message to young girls. Their movie though manages to convey a message of empowerment and acceptance of self and others that kids should hear. Yeah, there is plenty of flash and fashion but they gotta sell the movie somehow.
-
The “IT WASN’T AS BAD AS I EXPECTED” AWARD goes to Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. The first “FF” movie was just shy of abysmal--and a lot of the problems from the first movie still remain here. But the second (and probably last) installment moves along so quickly that most of the flaws don’t really show up--at least on the first viewing. If they made a third movie I’d probably go see it.
-
While we’re on the subject of the latest “FF” movie lets give out the “COOLEST CGI VISUAL” AWARD to the Silver Surfer from Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. The character’s body is provided by British Actor Doug Jones and the voice is provided by Lawrence Fishburne with a healthy dose of CGI that has to be the most amazing single thing on the movie screen this summer. The robots from Transformers deserve an honorable mention but they just don’t quite reach the coolness level of the Silver Surfer.
-
The “HOW DID THIS THING MAKE SO DAMN MUCH MONEY?” AWARD goes to The Simpsons Movie. The Simpsons has been on television for almost 20 years and is re-run multiple times in almost every market (in the United States at least) so why did this movie (which covers no new ground and doesn’t have a lot of originality) make the pile of dough it did (and probably will keep on making for some time to come)? Fox deserves an award for their marketing campaign at the very least for this feat. Pity they couldn’t have put out a better movie . . .
-
The “HOW FAR THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN” AWARD goes to Cuba Gooding Jr for Daddy Day Camp. This Oscar-winning actor finds himself trapped in yet another venal, unfunny movie that is cringe-worthy for even it’s target audience. Still, Cuba has at least three movies coming out in 2008 (including on called American Gangster) so he may yet be redeemed. Just as long as he doesn’t make another Boat Trip any time soon . . .
-
The “MARCH OF THE PENGUINS” PART DEUX AWARD goes to Arctic Tale. It’s a live-action story of a young Polar Bear and Walrus growing up and dealing with the climate changes in the far North. How can you not love cute little Polar Bears and roly-poly Walrus cubs--and they even sneak in a message about Global Warming! The motherly narration by Queen Latifah helps make this movie a slam-dunk sleeper hit that is sure to be mentioned come “Oscar” time and insures it a long life on DVD. Too bad it didn't do better in the theaters since it'll be all the harder to finance movies of htis type later on.
-
The “WAITINF FOR GODOT” AWARD goes to Balls Of Fury. It’s a movie about underworld Ping Pong Tournament staged by “Mr. Feng” (Christopher Walken burlesquing an Asian Crime Lord--but unlike Robb Schneider Walken makes it work for him). Dan Fogler, George Lopez and Maggie Q also star. The movie gets the award for sheer silliness and strangeness--even though it wasn’t all that good.
-
The “LET’S PUT HIM OUT TO PASTURE” AWARD goes to Jackie Chan for Rush Hour Three. I love Jackie Chan’s comedic timing and the almost balletic style of his martial arts moves: Chan still has the timing but he’s clearly losing a step or two in the moves department--which is nNot all that surprising really: the man is pushing (if not dragging) 60. He’s clearly getting to old and it shows in his latest outing. (Fans expecting to be wowed by Jackie’s movies simply won’t find them here. Best he go out while he’s still near the top of his game. And while we’re at it--lets put the whole Rush Hour franchise too before it becomes complete awful and irrelevant.
-
The “BEST” TEEN SEX-COMEDY AWARD goes to Superbad! Many of the Knocked UP are involved in this movie and it shows in the crude, often completely gross humor. The language is raw and the jokes are often cringe-inducing but I laughed so hard my face hurt! This is the best “teen sex comedy” since American Pie.
-
The “I SO CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE’ AWARD goes to The Golden Compass. The movie won’t be released until December but the trailer has been showing since June and it looks AWESOME! There are plenty of cool visual effects and a whole new world is created for us to enjoy. Add to this a host of “A List” stars and armored talking Polar Bears and you have what may well be the coolest movie of the Christmas Season. There are trailers out for a bunch of movies that kids, families and average guys will enjoy so it should be a fine viewing season.
-
And now for our final and most important award for THE PERFECT SUMMER MOVIE. And the “Ronnie” goes to--Transformers!!! It’s got huge battles, giant transforming robots destroying downtown Los Angeles, fresh-faced young stars several well-respected veteran actors in supporting roles. Of course we have the requisite humongous plot holes but a script that moves so fast the viewer can’t catch them without a lot of reflection. A lot of humor helps put this movie over the top.
-
RON’S “TOP FIVE” SUMMER MOVIES
1.) Transformers natch. This may be a summer movie for the ages that may well rank right up there with such classics as Raiders of the Lost Ark and Independence Day.
2.) Knocked Up. Every summer movie seasons needs a screamingly funny “adult” comedy in the vein of American Pie or Wedding Crashers and this movie succeeds in spades. This movie will hold up for years to come.
3.) Ratatouille. Not since The Incredibles has Pixar managed to produce a movie with such heart--and they manage to make sewer rats cute! Adults and children alike will enjoy this movie.
4.) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. The movie is overlong and often confusing--not to mention taking a needless dark turn but it made a ton of money (and will create a “P. of the C” 4) so you have to mention it here.
5.) The Bourne Ultimatum. This all-action, plot-free ode to Testosterone shattered all kinds of records for an August opening. It beats out Live Free or Die Hard for the fifth spot because it has a more hard and a certain air of believability that other movies of its kind lack.
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