No fractal today folks because this post is going to be bloody-damme long! In fact I tried to write this post in a florid, pseudo-Victorian style but that would have made this thng even longer! I hope you enjoy the reportage of Robyn and my trip to the Pacific Northwest in any case.
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DAY ONE: Departure
Robyn and I awoke at barely 3:00 A.M and that was NOT fun! We tossed and turned awhile but eventually gave it up as a bad job so we were up and bathed by a little past Four O’clock. We managed to keep ourselves occupied until the van from Super Shuttle arrived just on time. Our craft made a brief stop to pick up our friends Alison and Eris Young and we all made it to the airport just before Eight.
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Upon arrival we were dismayed at the long lines waiting for us there and were completely freaked out that only three of the four bags we packed had made it to the airport with us. I was schlepping two bags but in my excitement I’d only loaded one! Luckily Robyn was willing to take a Taxi back home and we found the bag right where we left it. She made the round trip in 35 minutes (at a cost to me of $60). Still, it was worth it not having to pay for a new wardrobe for her.
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Incident Number Two happened as I was going through the mandatory Security Check Point. Somehow I managed to set off the Metal Detector so I was singled out for a public “wanding” and “pat down.” Woo hoo! What fun! Lets just say I was fondled more intimately than I have been in a good long while. Took the nice people about 15 minutes to decide I wasn’t a terrorist and let me join the rest of my group--of course then I dropped my boarding pass (which someone spotted and was nice enough to give it back to me.) After that I only had to deal with an overly-dry Breakfast Sandwich from the airport McDonalds.
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Luckily our flight took just about two hours since flying Economy Class is NO FUN! The Alaska Airlines people were nice enough and we were happy to get back on solid ground. I whacked my head good and solid on the van to the Hotel: it didn’t bleed but I ended up with a massive headache for the rest of the day and a bump that lasted five days. What a way to start the trip!
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The Embassy Suites hotel at the Portland Airport was quite nice: not on the level of the Torrey Pines Hilton (wink, wink to family) but we had a two-room suite that was quite comfy and the staff was more than willing to be helpful. We arrived two hours early but they still checked us in (and ended up giving Robyn and I a room upgrade since there were no more clean “Standard” Suites. We were about as far as we could be from Alison and Eris and still be in the same hotel but that wasn’t all that bad a thing. ANYway--we got together about 2:00 PM after unwinding a while and headed out to explore the city.
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Our hotel offers free shuttle service to the airport where we could catch a “Light Rail” into the city proper. (An “all day” pass costs $4.25 but you can ride any mass transit in the Portland--light rail, busses or streetcars.) We wandered through the “Saturday Market” (which also runs Sundays, btw). I suppose it’s pretty much like a “Swap Meet” without individuals selling their junk. We saw booths selling Jewelry, hats and purses, art, glass and lots of tacky stuff. There was always a band playing and street performers busking for change. The crowd was varied too: families, freaks, political activists, the homeless and tourists all mixed together in one huge jumble. There was all kinds of food from mild to wild as well (a corn-dog stand next to a Yakisoba booth for example). It reminded me of a scene from the "Summer of Love." Robyn and I both thought it was fun but the area was too crowded so we moved on to explore downtown.
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Downtown Portland is undergoing a major renaissance: a lot of the old buildings have been rehabbed and the scene is quite bustling. (Sadly, there are A LOT of homeless people down there too.) We all wanted to visit Powell’s City of Books--one store covering an entire city block (albeit a small one), four stories high selling nothing but books! (For bibliophiles like us it was pure heaven. I quickly found I suffered from “book overload”--too many choices in too confined an area! We spent about two hours there and Robyn bought three books (all of which she got through on the trip!). The visit was bracketed by a mid-afternoon meal (Lunner?) on the sidewalk at an Italian Restaurant and some of the best gelato I’d ever had then Robyn and I were ready to call it a day. (Alison and Eris elected to continue shopping but we decided to hop the MAXRail and head back . . .)
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DAY TWO: Portland and Boarding
The Embassy Suites provided a large and remarkably varied breakfast (included with our stay) so we all chowed down. We didn’t do much Sunday morning except hang out in the hotel and check in for the cruise (a quick and easy process). Around noon we headed down for a “light snack” (fruit, veggies, crackers and several weird cheeses) then boarded our bus (which was almost brand new and fully-appointed with all the luxuries) for the three-hour Portland City Tour (an add-on we purchased that was well worth it.)
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Our bus driver Jodi was full of good stories and had a lot of information (although she had a weird habit of mouth-breathing and clearing her throat that came across rather oddly on her mike). My favorite part was the ride through “Washington Park” (a large, well-kept green space) which included a visit to the Rose Garden. We didn’t get to spend as much time here as I’d have liked. (Still, for lovers of roses this is a MUST SEE.) We also saw several parts of downtown that we hadn’t explored. The area where our ship, the Queen of the West was singularly depressing: basically it was an industrial park with a lot of heavy equipment that had seen better days. We were rushed directly from the bus to the boat and on to our cabin. (I’d have liked to take a picture of the boat but didn’t have time.)
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My first impression of the boat was I’m not gonna be liking this! Everything was small! The ceilings were low (albeit covered in some lovely stamped tin like you’d find in a nice River Boat of the late 19th Century and the hallways were a bit narrow. Our cabin too was TINY--and a weird mix of utilitarian and super-nice. (Velvet swags and lace curtains, nice wooden armoire, chests and tables paired with metal bunk beds. and metal walls with exposed beams) Robyn’s first words upon entering--”the bathroom smells funky!” (It really did!) I can’t describe the scent and I don’t even like thinking about it. The smell never did go away for the week and all I could say was “Thank God for olfactory fatigue!”
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The first part of our cruise was up the Willamette (“it’s pronounced will-AM-it, damn it!” according to Jodi) River under a light rain. Portland from the river ain’t all that but our “Discovery Guide” Laurence Cotton had lots of good info about what we were seeing. (He seemed to be able to speak with authority about just about anything we passed and was always nice and helpful. We went downstairs for dinner which proved to be a bit of a mess.
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The Queen of the West carried 137 passengers--all of whom were queued up in a long hallway trying to get into the Dining Room. (Mind you, I’m slightly claustrophobic so it wasn’t fun!) When we got to the head of the line we discovered that Robyn and I were seated at a different table than Alsion and Eris. We were seated at a table with four people (all over age 80) who were NOT HAPPY to have us there and they let us know it in no uncertain terms! (They were traveling with two friends who were at a table all the way across the Dining Room.) The Maitre D’ said he’d try to work something out but our first meal aboard was a rather uncomfortable experience. The food, (although not plentiful) was nicely prepared, attractively presented and had first quality ingredients. Except for the final night I had no complaints about food service aboard the boat. ) Quentin, our Waiter, seemed a bit tentative and he didn’t seem very friendly the whole trip--but, then again, he was new so we tried to cut him some slack. The after-dinner show was pretty standard Cruise fare in which all the entertainers got to do a few bits: Robyn and I were happy to get back to our cabin and turn in for the night as soon as it was over.
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DAY THREE: Columbia River Gorge
Robyn and I were up ridiculously early so we were up on the top deck before the boat left its nighttime mooring at Washuga Washington. It was coolish and partly cloudy and there weren’t a lot of people up there with us. I had my coffee and Robyn had her tea and we picked up Alison and Eris for breakfast about 7:00 AM. We ended up across the Dining Room being served by a waiter named Milo Locklear (who was AWESOME!) He was a lot of fun, always helpful and willing to joke around with us: for the rest of the cruise we made a point of having breakfast and lunch at one of his tables.
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Robyn and I spent most of the morning up on deck enjoying the scenery of the Columbia River Gorge. The westward side of the Cascade Range is beautiful and green and we couldn’t get enough. (We want to see the Multnomah Falls up close some day.) Our first "locking through" at Bonneville Dam was interesting but this grew rather tedious with other locks: at least we didn't get stuck behind commercial traffic on the river.
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We docked at Stevenson Washington at lunch time then headed off to see the Wasco County Museum and Columbia Gorge Discovery Center (two museums under one roof). You should know the further East you go on the Columbia the drier and hotter it gets: it was, like 95 degrees and maybe that affected my view of this place since I wasn’t all that impressed with either museum. We took a scenic drive and got a great view of the river from a promontory called the Rowena Gap. (The ride back made the whole trip worth it.) We found the Maitre D’ had managed to work some magic (after telling us at breakfast that he couldn‘t move us) so our evil tablemates had moved away and Alison and Eris joined us for dinner: we had the table to ourselves. Afterward we went into the Columbia Showroom for a performance by “Up Country” a duo who did some old-style cowboy songs and recited a few pieces of cowboy poetry. This is a definite “don’t miss” if you take the cruise.)
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DAY FOUR: Pendleton Oregon
It was amazing to watch our boat pull up to a “random” river bank and extend the Bow Ramp so we could disembark. Our busses were waiting to take us for a full day’s worth of excursions. First we visited the Tamastslikt (love them Indian words) Cultural Center which was really amazing. This is a very large and very well done museum that includes lots of live demonstrations and even a wild bird sanctuary: we got to see half a dozen wild birds that couldn’t be released for various reasons. I could have spent most of the day here checking out the exhibits and talking with the locals. (They also have a way nice gift shop: Robyn bought some pretty silver earrings wiht lapis beads.)
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After an all-too-short visit we boarded the busses and headed for Pendleton proper for our lunchtime stop at Hamley’s Saddle Shop and Slickfork Saloon. The store had all things Western and it was all quite nice (if rather expensive). Robyn got a pair of lapis earrings (at a cost of $40--one of the cheapest items available! The buffet lunch was nothing to write home about: in fact it was pretty bad) although our lunchtime show with a troupe of Native American singers and dancers was interesting. (I have since come to the conclusion that a little Native American song and dance goes a long way! After a while everything looks and sounds pretty much alike to the uneducated.) It was interesting but I could have done without this stop of everything we saw on the whole trip.
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Our visit to the Pendleton Underground proved to be an interesting, educational and somewhat sobering experience that was a testament to one of the sadder aspects of our country’s Westward expansion. Chinese men were recruited to work in America then were treated little better than slaves. They were forced to dig a huge network of tunnels and cellars underground that stretched literally for miles. We only saw a small portion but our guide was interesting and reminded me a lot of Glenn-Bob. (Again, wink-wink to the family.) Our visit to the Pendleton Woolen Mills was interesting: the mill was “on vacation” but we saw how blankets would have been made. (All their clothing is made in the Far East though.) We didn’t get back to the boat (pulled up to the riverbank in Sacajawea State Park)until a bit after 5:00 PM and the crew had fortified lemonade waiting.
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We had a briefly amusing moment as we pulled away from the bank: a local in a beat up blue pickup was screaming and yelling: once he had our attention he "dropped trou’" and mooned us! (We later found out he pretty much did this every week.) The after dinner show “River of Song” was pretty standard fare but the audience ate it up. (Robyn and I labeled the show “cheesetastic.”)
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DAY FIVE: the Snake River
We spent the night cruising up the Snake River (and going through four sets of locks!) and woke up to find ourselves in a desert-dry, mountainous country. We docked at Lewiston Idaho (our farthest point North and East) well before lunch: two members of the "Nez Perce" tribe (who don't pierce their noses btw) gave a dirt-dull lecture that literally put me to sleep. We spent the afternoon cruising further up the Snake River in three jet boats through Hell‘s Canyon. (It was 105 degrees but the humidity started out low--at least for a while. The cruise literature describes the trip as “safe but thrilling”--and it was. There are several sets of Class “One” and “Two” Rapids that added some spice to the trip. We saw Big Horn Sheep, Wild Turkeys and Muledeer on the voyage and passed a number of campers and recreational boaters. We made a brief stop at a nature center for potties, cookies and drinks (water, oh joy!) then boarded for the return trip to Heller’s Bar. We had the option of riding back to the dock on the Jet Boats or taking the bus back: Robyn and I elected to take our boat back--along with only four others. In my opinion the trip from Heller’s Bar to the dock was the best part of the trip: the boat pilot really opened up the engines and we almost flew. (It didn’t hurt that we beat the busses back by over half an hour!) Clouds had started coming over so the air was getting decidedly thick (and stifling) so we were just as glad to head downstairs for dinner. We skipped the show to go up on deck and do some star-gazing as the ship headed back downriver.
DAY SIX: Cruising the Columbia
We spent the night cruising down the Snake River and awoke just as we were going through the “Ice Harbor” Locks. There was a light breeze that turned to a fierce wind as soon as we entered the Columbia. During breakfast we passed through a “Dust Squall” and couldn’t see more than a few feet away from the boat: luckily that didn’t last long but we had high winds (that were sometimes as high as 65 mph) and wind-whipped waves the rest of the day. Robyn and I spent most of the day inside reading although we made it down to the “Paddlewheel Lounge” for the “Name That Tune” Contest. Robyn got 26 out of 27 (but didn’t bother to let anyone know), Luckily, I got 25 correct for a strong second so we were able to collect the grand prize of a T-shirt.
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We went out for a while in the afternoon to witness our transition of the “John Day” locks late in the afternoon. We were held up for a while inside the lock (not a fun experience!) due to a wildfire that was burning perilously close to shore but were eventually allowed to head on as the fire burned away from the river. Another nice dinner and “cheesetastic” show and we were ready to head to bed.
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DAY SEVEN: Mt. Saint Helens.
Our vacation is definitely coming to an end as we had the dreaded “Debarkation Talk” after breakfast as we headed for the industrial town of Longview Washington. We learned something interesting and frankly odd at the port: the big lumber companies load cut logs on giant cargo ships then head to Japan for milling. THEN they send the finished lumber back to the United States! (Can someone please explain to me how this makes economic sense??? Ah well, it seems to be working for Weyrhouser so I guess that‘s why I‘m not a successful big businessman.) At least we’re back on the west side of the Cascades where everything is green and the weather is nice and cool--if too cloudy for my taste.
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Mt. St. Helens exploded on May 18, 1980 and devastated more than 165 square miles of land. A lot of the Weyrhouser land has been re-planted but you can still see bits of devastation here and there. (Someone had a smashed Weyrhouser logging truck in their front yard and you could still see areas where the knocked-down trees have been left to lie where they fell.) Nearer the mountain the land is all now owned by the Feds who are leaving it to recover at its own pace. We visited the Clearwater Ridge Interpretive center. Seeing the mountain from here is an awesome and humbling sight but seeing how quickly the land is recovering is a testament to nature‘s resilience. Seeing smoke come up from the blasted side of the crater is a sight I will carry with me for as long as I live. Just as we were leaving the clouds lifted off the top of the Mt. St. Helens and we were able to glimpse the whole mountain in all her tragic beauty. Anyone traveling near Mt. St. Helens should make a point of spending some time seeing it: I guarantee it will be a life-changing experience for you. They played a video about survivors of Mt. St. Helens on the way home that was interesting--although I’d have rather had time to soak up more scenery like the still-damaged Tootle River. We were back to the boat for a “dinner cruise” and eventually turned back to Longview Washington to dock at that same uninspired industrial port.
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DAY EIGHT: Astoria Oregon
We’re cruising West again toward the mouth of the Columbia as we finally make it up on deck for a mostly cloudy sunrise. The chop of the rising tide won’t let our boat go too far into Gray’s Bay so we have to look at the Columbia Bar from a distance. We boarded our bus for a city tour of Astoria which can only be described as “quaint but lovely” There are 76 homes on the National Historic Registry (in a town of less than 10,000!) and lots of lovely Victorian architecture: too bad there are also lots of VERY STEEP hills so exploring on foot wasn’t an option (for us at least.)
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After our city tour we visited the Astoria Column: this was the last of 12 columns built along the Burlington Northern Railroad (and one of only three still standing). The round column is covered in 14 scenes of local history from the discovery by white men to the building of the railroad. We elected not to climb the steps to the top but got a pretty darn good view from Coxcomb Hill. The panoramas from here are AWESOME! The column was painted with an Italian technique called scraffitto (from which we get the English word “Graffiti“) which is a technique where the artist paints several layers of color then rubs down until he get the color he wants: it makes for a nice sepia-toned effect that would be lovely in full sunlight. From here we visited Fort Clatsop where Lewis and Clark spent the winter. Again, it was amazing to see what primitive conditions these men had to endure for 106 days and they still survived. We were dropped off back at the boat at 11:30 and spent about an hour wandering through the Maritime Museum which has a lot of local marine history and plenty of interactive exhibits for the younger set. This is also one of the few museums that has such a large section devoted to the Coast Guard--the most overlooked and under-appreciated branch of the Military.
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We headed back to the boat for our last lunch then went out again for a bit of exploring on our own--the only time we had to do whatever we wanted. Of course by then it had started to rain and Robyn didn’t have a jacket (my fault) so we just decided to ride the River Trolley up and down the city waterfront to see what we could see. We got some interesting views of this city (and the price is reasonable) but were happy enough to get off when we got back to the Maritime Museum.
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We had a bit of interesting interaction with a couple of our tour mates while we waited for the Trolley. They were a couple in their early 70s from rural Minnesota. We got to talking about our favorite thing on the tour and both agreed that it was the stop at Mt. St. Helens and we all agreed that we were saddened by the fact that the Clearwater Ridge Visitors Center would close come November. The man said: “yeah, they can piss away billions over in Iraq but they can’t find a few dollars to keep a place like that open here at home.” It did my heart good to know that even Middle America is finally getting it about the Iraq war. OK, rant now over, back to the report.
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We got back to the boat too late to hear all of guest speaker Rex Ziak’s talk about Lewis and Clark. He is a local resident who is an author and speaker on all things “Lewis and Clarkian” and he has the gift to make the driest and dullest historical facts come to life. I wish we could have found a place to sit for his talk bout the showroom was full so we just listened in from our cabin. Around 5:30 Robyn put on her finery (and was the hottest looking woman on board if I do soy so myself!) while I scraped my face, put on a blue silk sweater under my navy blazer and we went down for the Captain’s Gala. We each took a glass of (weak) champagne and I had a “White Russian” since the Captain was “buying” for everyone. (Amazingly enough some of the booze hounds aboard managed to pound down four or five drinks in an hour so they were feeling no pain by the time they got to dinner.
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Like almost every cruise the final dinner was Steak and Lobster. Dinner started with a “shrimp and pear” salad that I didn’t think worked well together: next we had a “Fisherman’s Chowder” which I didn’t care for--but I’m no seafood fan. The bacon-wrapped filet was OK but I didn’t finish my lobster. (Some people complained the lobster was “off“ and not many people asked for seconds so maybe there was something to it.) Desert was a chocolate-vanilla marble cake with a hard chocolate ganache shell. It proved too much for even me so I finally gave up as Robyn, Alison and Eris had before me.
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Speaking of Eris, I can’t finish this post without commenting on her current fashion sense. Right now she's very into Japanese anime (cartoons) and manga (comic books) which affects her style. She took a lot of black clothing and even had some of those silly fingerless gloves (in red and black stripes) and had this odd two-pointed hat with a couple of yarn pigtails hanging down. I’m afraid it confused and disturbed many of the oldsters on the boat but Eris just let any criticism slide past. For the final night she chose a blue-and-white polka-dot dress (petticoat included!) trimmed with lace and ribbons and short, puffy leeves. She had an apron with a heart of pale blue lace. Pale blue knee socks (with more lace) platform Mary Janes in black patent leather and a lacy headpiece completed the look. It was cute but Lolita fashion (even “Sweet Lolita” like this ensemble) was a bit disconcerting. Still, I love Eris no matter what she wears: she's sweet, smart and funny and if she wants to dress uniquely I say let her!.
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DAY NINE: Returning home
Since our luggage had to be in the hall by midnight Robyn and I decided to skip the final night festivities and retire to finish packing and try to get some sleep. I wish I could say I slept well but I didn’t. I awoke several times feeling bloated and queasy and I’m afraid I woke Robyn up rather too early. We had our last breakfast (with our favorite waiter Milo who made me a balloon Godzilla for me) then were called for debarkation at 8:00 AM. Debarkation was rather odd: there aren’t many other cruise ships where most of the crew is standing dockside to say goodbye and wish you a good trip home. This odd ritual took about half an hour and we were at the Airport by 9:00 AM.
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It didn’t take long to check in with Alaska Air Lines but we soon learned that we couldn’t check our bags in until four hours before the flight--so we had to find some place to hang for 45 minutes until we could pass our bags to the Air Line. At least Portland has some good shopping (on both sides of the security barrier). Powell’s City of Books had outlets on both sides of the barrier (although I wouldn’t let Robyn go in). We popped into a store called Made in Oregon featuring all kinds of products--made in Oregon of course. (Robyn brought a pair of blue glass earrings.) I bought her some green dichroic glass earrings at a store called The Real Mother Goose Gallery and she bought me a kaleidoscope with pretty blue beads. (It was my only souvenir of the trip.) We hung out for a while then had lunch before boarding the plane a little after One O’clock. (Had a bit of a time when we heard the flight was overbooked and people would be thrown off but luckily that didn’t affect us.) We were on the ground in Orange County by 4:00 PM and home by 5:30 (I had to give the van driver directions.) and glad of it!
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THE CRUISE IN A NUTSHELL
Robyn and I are glad we took the trip but probably wouldn’t do it again--particularly not in a cabin with bunk beds. (Our fault for choosing that cabin style.) The Queen of the West can carry up to 140 passengers (we had 137) and has 53 crew members. I found everything a bit too small: ceilings are a low, hallways narrow and the furniture under scale for someone of my height and bulk. The boat is nicely decorated in the style of a 19th Century River Boat and it has lots of nice touches. Stairways that are too steep with tiny steps. There is one small, slow-moving elevator amidships that is often in use since the average age of cruisers seemed to be over 70. (Robyn, Alison, Eris and I were easily in the bottom 20% of passengers--maybe even the bottom ten.) The staff is kind and attentive and (for the most part) friendly. Dining Room selections are limited to three choices (with baked chicken and plain baked fish as the only alternatives at dinner) but almost everything I had was really tasty and attractively prepared. (Unlike most cruise ships you can’t eat constantly aboard the Queen of the West.) I’m not much of a drinker but I heard several people complain the drinks were “weak.” The outings were fun but several were just too darn short. Some parts of the cruise are quite scenic--even the dry parts have some real beauty. You learn a lot about Lewis and Clark and the Westward expansion of the country but you’d better be a history buff to fully appreciate that part. The cruise is pricey but the experience is completely and everything but alcohol is fully covered.
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