"Nanny Diaries" is a Dull "Read"

I couldn’t find a fractal to suitably illuminate today’s post, a review of The Nanny Diaries, so I chose an image called Tilework: it has no relevance to anything in the post but it’s a different-looking image than what you’ve seen in this blog. Hope you enjoy it and the post.
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Every year needs a movie about the trials and tribulations of Manhattan high society. Last year we got The Devil Wears Prada, a snarky character assassination of Vogue Editor Anna Wintour. This year we get The Nanny Diaries--an equally snaky but far less-than-involving tale of Annie Braddock, (Scarlet Johansen--this time with a dark brown dye job and showing little style or acting ability) as a girl from New Jersey who finds herself adrift after graduation and o ends up as a Nanny for a dysfunctional Upper East Side family. (Is there any other kind in the movies?)
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Tightly-wound “Mrs. X” (played to prickly perfection by Laura Linney) is too busy to take care of her only child Grayer (Nicholas Art--playing alternatively loving and completely bratty) “Her husband, Mr. X” (Paul Giamatti--who barely gets used here and makes little impact on screen) is an adulterous lout who brings new meaning to the term “self involved.” Donna Murphy has the thankless job of playing Annie’s controlling but ultimately supportive New Jersey Mom (and unlike Scarlet Johansen she actually does the “Jersey” accent!) Singer/songwriter Alicia Keys (in her first major acting role) does fine as fellow-graduate and best friend Lynette who’s busy pursuing her own NYC Dreams serves as a driving counterpoint to Annie’s drifting indifference. Pretty boy Chris Evans plays “Harvard Hottie”, the obligatory love interest that sparks Annie’s transformation.
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The movie is saddled with a “by-the-numbers” plot and too many physical comedy bits that we’ve seen since I Love Lucy (and probably before). Yes, the movie makes a point of criticizing and satirizing the Manhattan Socialite lifestyle (even going so far as to frame the entire production as an anthropological “case study“) but the writers are tilting at Straw Men. The commentary is heavy-handed and has little wit or style. Sadly, The Nanny Diaries lacks both the charm and savvy of last year’s The Devil Wears Prada. I had fun noting the few “Mary Poppins” references sprinkled throughout the film but these weird asides don’t quite jibe with the tone of rest of the movie. It was well shot and everything is lovely to look at but a lot of major talents are wasted.
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Like The Devil Wears Prada before it, The Nanny Diaries is aimed at fans of “chick lit.” Since I am neither a “chick” nor a fan of “chick lit” so obviously I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as the target audience. Still, even fans of the genre could probably skip this one at the theaters and wait to rent the DVD (when there’s nothing else on the shelves you want to watch.

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FINAL GRADE: C-

"Taking Responsibility"

I chose today’s fractal, Starlight Falling because I’ll be writing about falling (or at least stumbling) stars. It was the best image I could choose to enhance the meaning of the post I’ll be writing today. I can’t say I hope you enjoy it--but I do hope it makes anyone who reads it think.
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What does “taking responsibility” mean? Obviously it has different meanings for different people. To me it means owning up to my wrongs and doing my level best to fully make amends for whatever wrong I’ve done. Of course, I’ve never broken the law in any major way and I’ve never had to account for my actions in Court. Adding the legal element seems to completely change what “taking responsibility” means. Two cases in point: Lindsey Lohan and Michael Vick have recently made the grand gesture of publicly “taken responsibility” for their actions (in order to avoid worse legal consequences!)
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Last week Lindsey Lohan took “full responsibility” with this statement. “It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs," she said through her publicist. “I broke the law and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case.” Pretty words (and I’m sure they came from the heart): too bad she’d already arranged to plead out of the felony charges and opt for a deal that would result in little or no jail time.
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Yes, that’s the way the DUI Shuffle is danced (here in California at least). Before someone famous takes “full responsibility” it seems that they first arrange to minimize their problems with the law. Lindsey arranging for “photo ops” at her cushy rehab doesn’t speak well for her desire to “take full responsibility” either--but maybe I’m being a tad too judgmental. Honestly, part of me actually feels bad for Lindsey Lohan: she got nothing in the way of good parenting so its no wonder she turned out like she did. That being said, I take it very seriously when anyone (be they Superstar or Average Joe) does something that jeopardizes the lives of innocents--and does it deliberately and repeatedly.
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This morning (August 27) Michael Vick pled guilty to various charges relating to dog fighting and gambling (after all his fellow defendants struck deals and agreed to testify against him.) In his statement to the press he said: (NOTE: quoted from Rocky Mountain News.: the remarks have been slightly edited): “I take this opportunity just to speak from the heart . . . I want to apologize . . . for all the things that . . . I've done and that I have allowed to happen. I want to . . . apologize to Commissioner Goodell, Arthur Blank, coach Bobby Petrino, my Atlanta Falcons teammates . . . I was not honest and forthright in our discussions . . . I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least.”
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He goes on to say: “I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts . . . what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up. “ Sorry--I just have to make an editorial comment here. Immature? What he did was immature? My God! The man admitted to killing Pit Bulls who failed to perform (fight) well in the ring, That’s not immature. It’s--just--plain cruel!!! He also admitted to facilitating gambling on his little enterprise (although he denies putting any bets down himself.)
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“I totally ask for forgiveness and understanding as I move forward to bettering Michael Vick the person, not the football player,” he went on to say. (He’ll get neither from me.) “I take full responsibility for my actions . . . not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for . . . what I've done. I'm totally responsible, and those things just didn't have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes . . . I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions.”
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Vick continues his apologetic tour de force with these words: “Dog fighting is a terrible thing, and I did reject it." (Uh, huh--he sure did! After he got caught!!!) “I'm upset with myself, and . . . through this situation I found Jesus and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God.” Ah yes, in the world of Celebrity mea culpa--don't they all have to “find Jesus” or become more “spiritual” as part of the rehabilitation process? (I’d feel much better about this if every celebrity didn’t have a “jailhouse conversion” during their ordeals.
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“I accepted responsibility for my actions of what I did,” he says, “and now I have to pay the consequences for it.” The consequences, in this case, include prison time and the potential loss of millions of dollars in salary and endorsement deals. Nike has already dropped him as spokesperson and he is suspended from the NFL indefinitely without pay. It remains to be seen to be seen if his apology tour allows him to be reinstated with the NFL after he does his time. As for me I hope the National Football League gives this thug the boot he so richly deserves and never lets him play again.
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“Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to,” he said. Uh, yeah! I’m sure he’s sorry! Sorry he got caught, sorry he has to face the loss of a lucrative career, sorry he can’t go on hosting dog fights. Here’s another individual who uses the justice system to slide out of his legal problems: to me, that’s not “taking responsibility” in any way, shape or form. I heard Michael Vick's news conference as it was broadcast live and I don’t think he’s the least bit remorseful for anything he’s done except as it affects his bottom line.
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In the end, only time will tell if these celebs will truly “take responsibility” for their actions and start making changes to alter their lives. In Paris Hilton’s case we’ve already seen that the “Celebutant” has already gone back to her old ways. Lindsey Lohan is on her third rehab this year. (Anyone want to take bets on how well this one will take?) Whether Michael Vick turns his life around or continues to act like a thug will only be revealed as he lives his life in the coming years--but I’m not holding out much hope. I’ve been wrong before--and wherever there’ s life there is hope. Maybe things will work out for the best. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Stardust: the best movie you'll never see?

Today’s post begins with a fractal called Starry, Starry Night. It seemed like a good choice for the movie review of Stardust.
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Stardust may be one of the best movies you’ll never see: yes, it’s a fairy tale but one with real magic. It manages, through good writing and sound directing, to construct a believable world with heart and a genuinely interesting story--and it doesn’t require a huge budget or big name star-power to do it.
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The story stakes place in Victorian England where a wall separates the mundane world from the magical kingdom of Stormhold. Young Tristan (earnestly played by unknown Charlie Cox) is madly in love with Victoria (Sienna Miller) and promises to bring her a star from the sky to prove it. He crosses the forbidden wall into Stormhold and runs into Yvaine (Claire Danes) the star knocked out of the sky by the kingdom’s dying monarch (Peter O’Toole in a brief but delightful cameo). The star is also being hunted by the witch Lamia (Michelle Pfeifer who does a fine job here and revels in her “ugly” makeup) and the king’s three surviving sons. (He had seven and the throne was to go to the last survival: in a delightful little aside, the ghosts of the departed brothers stick around to the end of the movie.) Robert De Niro plays “Captain Shakespeare” and is on screen for too brief a time but his role is truly magnificent. Tristan’s father, Victoria’s suitor Harvey, the hapless Princes, “Dirtwater Sal” (a traveling witch) her slave Una (the brothers’ long-missing sister) and Lamia’s two less-than-willing associates are all played delightfully by unknown (at least here) actors.
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The plot is a combination of “Hero’s Quest” (Tristan even says it!) and “Romantic Fantasy”--elements that have been around since the story-telling Dawn of Time. You’ve seen it before but the characters and cinematography elevates it above the mundane. Yes, there are a few occasions where I wished I could reach through the screen and pop both Tristan and Yvaine upside the head and once or twice the pace drags a bit but the good qualities far outweigh the bad. The FX are barely above TV standards these days but they are more than adequate for the job, In fact, one of the most delightful things about this movie is the way the on-screen world is created in a completely believable way.
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Is Stardust the best movie you’ll never see? Probably not--but it’s pretty darn good. It suffered from a horrible release date (in the middle of a huge “summer movie” season) and was cheated out of the wider audience it deserves: I think Stardust would have done a lot better had it been released in October or during the spring. In my opinion it will hold up well over the years and become a fantasy classic.
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FINAL GRADE: A

What I Did on my Summer Vacation 2007

No fractal today folks because this post is going to be bloody-damme long! In fact I tried to write this post in a florid, pseudo-Victorian style but that would have made this thng even longer! I hope you enjoy the reportage of Robyn and my trip to the Pacific Northwest in any case.
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DAY ONE: Departure
Robyn and I awoke at barely 3:00 A.M and that was NOT fun! We tossed and turned awhile but eventually gave it up as a bad job so we were up and bathed by a little past Four O’clock. We managed to keep ourselves occupied until the van from Super Shuttle arrived just on time. Our craft made a brief stop to pick up our friends Alison and Eris Young and we all made it to the airport just before Eight.
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Upon arrival we were dismayed at the long lines waiting for us there and were completely freaked out that only three of the four bags we packed had made it to the airport with us. I was schlepping two bags but in my excitement I’d only loaded one! Luckily Robyn was willing to take a Taxi back home and we found the bag right where we left it. She made the round trip in 35 minutes (at a cost to me of $60). Still, it was worth it not having to pay for a new wardrobe for her.
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Incident Number Two happened as I was going through the mandatory Security Check Point. Somehow I managed to set off the Metal Detector so I was singled out for a public “wanding” and “pat down.” Woo hoo! What fun! Lets just say I was fondled more intimately than I have been in a good long while. Took the nice people about 15 minutes to decide I wasn’t a terrorist and let me join the rest of my group--of course then I dropped my boarding pass (which someone spotted and was nice enough to give it back to me.) After that I only had to deal with an overly-dry Breakfast Sandwich from the airport McDonalds.
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Luckily our flight took just about two hours since flying Economy Class is NO FUN! The Alaska Airlines people were nice enough and we were happy to get back on solid ground. I whacked my head good and solid on the van to the Hotel: it didn’t bleed but I ended up with a massive headache for the rest of the day and a bump that lasted five days. What a way to start the trip!
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The Embassy Suites hotel at the Portland Airport was quite nice: not on the level of the Torrey Pines Hilton (wink, wink to family) but we had a two-room suite that was quite comfy and the staff was more than willing to be helpful. We arrived two hours early but they still checked us in (and ended up giving Robyn and I a room upgrade since there were no more clean “Standard” Suites. We were about as far as we could be from Alison and Eris and still be in the same hotel but that wasn’t all that bad a thing. ANYway--we got together about 2:00 PM after unwinding a while and headed out to explore the city.
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Our hotel offers free shuttle service to the airport where we could catch a “Light Rail” into the city proper. (An “all day” pass costs $4.25 but you can ride any mass transit in the Portland--light rail, busses or streetcars.) We wandered through the “Saturday Market” (which also runs Sundays, btw). I suppose it’s pretty much like a “Swap Meet” without individuals selling their junk. We saw booths selling Jewelry, hats and purses, art, glass and lots of tacky stuff. There was always a band playing and street performers busking for change. The crowd was varied too: families, freaks, political activists, the homeless and tourists all mixed together in one huge jumble. There was all kinds of food from mild to wild as well (a corn-dog stand next to a Yakisoba booth for example). It reminded me of a scene from the "Summer of Love." Robyn and I both thought it was fun but the area was too crowded so we moved on to explore downtown.
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Downtown Portland is undergoing a major renaissance: a lot of the old buildings have been rehabbed and the scene is quite bustling. (Sadly, there are A LOT of homeless people down there too.) We all wanted to visit Powell’s City of Books--one store covering an entire city block (albeit a small one), four stories high selling nothing but books! (For bibliophiles like us it was pure heaven. I quickly found I suffered from “book overload”--too many choices in too confined an area! We spent about two hours there and Robyn bought three books (all of which she got through on the trip!). The visit was bracketed by a mid-afternoon meal (Lunner?) on the sidewalk at an Italian Restaurant and some of the best gelato I’d ever had then Robyn and I were ready to call it a day. (Alison and Eris elected to continue shopping but we decided to hop the MAXRail and head back . . .)
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DAY TWO: Portland and Boarding
The Embassy Suites provided a large and remarkably varied breakfast (included with our stay) so we all chowed down. We didn’t do much Sunday morning except hang out in the hotel and check in for the cruise (a quick and easy process). Around noon we headed down for a “light snack” (fruit, veggies, crackers and several weird cheeses) then boarded our bus (which was almost brand new and fully-appointed with all the luxuries) for the three-hour Portland City Tour (an add-on we purchased that was well worth it.)
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Our bus driver Jodi was full of good stories and had a lot of information (although she had a weird habit of mouth-breathing and clearing her throat that came across rather oddly on her mike). My favorite part was the ride through “Washington Park” (a large, well-kept green space) which included a visit to the Rose Garden. We didn’t get to spend as much time here as I’d have liked. (Still, for lovers of roses this is a MUST SEE.) We also saw several parts of downtown that we hadn’t explored. The area where our ship, the Queen of the West was singularly depressing: basically it was an industrial park with a lot of heavy equipment that had seen better days. We were rushed directly from the bus to the boat and on to our cabin. (I’d have liked to take a picture of the boat but didn’t have time.)
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My first impression of the boat was I’m not gonna be liking this! Everything was small! The ceilings were low (albeit covered in some lovely stamped tin like you’d find in a nice River Boat of the late 19th Century and the hallways were a bit narrow. Our cabin too was TINY--and a weird mix of utilitarian and super-nice. (Velvet swags and lace curtains, nice wooden armoire, chests and tables paired with metal bunk beds. and metal walls with exposed beams) Robyn’s first words upon entering--”the bathroom smells funky!” (It really did!) I can’t describe the scent and I don’t even like thinking about it. The smell never did go away for the week and all I could say was “Thank God for olfactory fatigue!”
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The first part of our cruise was up the Willamette (“it’s pronounced will-AM-it, damn it!” according to Jodi) River under a light rain. Portland from the river ain’t all that but our “Discovery Guide” Laurence Cotton had lots of good info about what we were seeing. (He seemed to be able to speak with authority about just about anything we passed and was always nice and helpful. We went downstairs for dinner which proved to be a bit of a mess.
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The Queen of the West carried 137 passengers--all of whom were queued up in a long hallway trying to get into the Dining Room. (Mind you, I’m slightly claustrophobic so it wasn’t fun!) When we got to the head of the line we discovered that Robyn and I were seated at a different table than Alsion and Eris. We were seated at a table with four people (all over age 80) who were NOT HAPPY to have us there and they let us know it in no uncertain terms! (They were traveling with two friends who were at a table all the way across the Dining Room.) The Maitre D’ said he’d try to work something out but our first meal aboard was a rather uncomfortable experience. The food, (although not plentiful) was nicely prepared, attractively presented and had first quality ingredients. Except for the final night I had no complaints about food service aboard the boat. ) Quentin, our Waiter, seemed a bit tentative and he didn’t seem very friendly the whole trip--but, then again, he was new so we tried to cut him some slack. The after-dinner show was pretty standard Cruise fare in which all the entertainers got to do a few bits: Robyn and I were happy to get back to our cabin and turn in for the night as soon as it was over.
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DAY THREE: Columbia River Gorge
Robyn and I were up ridiculously early so we were up on the top deck before the boat left its nighttime mooring at Washuga Washington. It was coolish and partly cloudy and there weren’t a lot of people up there with us. I had my coffee and Robyn had her tea and we picked up Alison and Eris for breakfast about 7:00 AM. We ended up across the Dining Room being served by a waiter named Milo Locklear (who was AWESOME!) He was a lot of fun, always helpful and willing to joke around with us: for the rest of the cruise we made a point of having breakfast and lunch at one of his tables.
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Robyn and I spent most of the morning up on deck enjoying the scenery of the Columbia River Gorge. The westward side of the Cascade Range is beautiful and green and we couldn’t get enough. (We want to see the Multnomah Falls up close some day.) Our first "locking through" at Bonneville Dam was interesting but this grew rather tedious with other locks: at least we didn't get stuck behind commercial traffic on the river.
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We docked at Stevenson Washington at lunch time then headed off to see the Wasco County Museum and Columbia Gorge Discovery Center (two museums under one roof). You should know the further East you go on the Columbia the drier and hotter it gets: it was, like 95 degrees and maybe that affected my view of this place since I wasn’t all that impressed with either museum. We took a scenic drive and got a great view of the river from a promontory called the Rowena Gap. (The ride back made the whole trip worth it.) We found the Maitre D’ had managed to work some magic (after telling us at breakfast that he couldn‘t move us) so our evil tablemates had moved away and Alison and Eris joined us for dinner: we had the table to ourselves. Afterward we went into the Columbia Showroom for a performance by “Up Country” a duo who did some old-style cowboy songs and recited a few pieces of cowboy poetry. This is a definite “don’t miss” if you take the cruise.)
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DAY FOUR: Pendleton Oregon
It was amazing to watch our boat pull up to a “random” river bank and extend the Bow Ramp so we could disembark. Our busses were waiting to take us for a full day’s worth of excursions. First we visited the Tamastslikt (love them Indian words) Cultural Center which was really amazing. This is a very large and very well done museum that includes lots of live demonstrations and even a wild bird sanctuary: we got to see half a dozen wild birds that couldn’t be released for various reasons. I could have spent most of the day here checking out the exhibits and talking with the locals. (They also have a way nice gift shop: Robyn bought some pretty silver earrings wiht lapis beads.)
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After an all-too-short visit we boarded the busses and headed for Pendleton proper for our lunchtime stop at Hamley’s Saddle Shop and Slickfork Saloon. The store had all things Western and it was all quite nice (if rather expensive). Robyn got a pair of lapis earrings (at a cost of $40--one of the cheapest items available! The buffet lunch was nothing to write home about: in fact it was pretty bad) although our lunchtime show with a troupe of Native American singers and dancers was interesting. (I have since come to the conclusion that a little Native American song and dance goes a long way! After a while everything looks and sounds pretty much alike to the uneducated.) It was interesting but I could have done without this stop of everything we saw on the whole trip.
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Our visit to the Pendleton Underground proved to be an interesting, educational and somewhat sobering experience that was a testament to one of the sadder aspects of our country’s Westward expansion. Chinese men were recruited to work in America then were treated little better than slaves. They were forced to dig a huge network of tunnels and cellars underground that stretched literally for miles. We only saw a small portion but our guide was interesting and reminded me a lot of Glenn-Bob. (Again, wink-wink to the family.) Our visit to the Pendleton Woolen Mills was interesting: the mill was “on vacation” but we saw how blankets would have been made. (All their clothing is made in the Far East though.) We didn’t get back to the boat (pulled up to the riverbank in Sacajawea State Park)until a bit after 5:00 PM and the crew had fortified lemonade waiting.
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We had a briefly amusing moment as we pulled away from the bank: a local in a beat up blue pickup was screaming and yelling: once he had our attention he "dropped trou’" and mooned us! (We later found out he pretty much did this every week.) The after dinner show “River of Song” was pretty standard fare but the audience ate it up. (Robyn and I labeled the show “cheesetastic.”)
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DAY FIVE: the Snake River
We spent the night cruising up the Snake River (and going through four sets of locks!) and woke up to find ourselves in a desert-dry, mountainous country. We docked at Lewiston Idaho (our farthest point North and East) well before lunch: two members of the "Nez Perce" tribe (who don't pierce their noses btw) gave a dirt-dull lecture that literally put me to sleep. We spent the afternoon cruising further up the Snake River in three jet boats through Hell‘s Canyon. (It was 105 degrees but the humidity started out low--at least for a while. The cruise literature describes the trip as “safe but thrilling”--and it was. There are several sets of Class “One” and “Two” Rapids that added some spice to the trip. We saw Big Horn Sheep, Wild Turkeys and Muledeer on the voyage and passed a number of campers and recreational boaters. We made a brief stop at a nature center for potties, cookies and drinks (water, oh joy!) then boarded for the return trip to Heller’s Bar. We had the option of riding back to the dock on the Jet Boats or taking the bus back: Robyn and I elected to take our boat back--along with only four others. In my opinion the trip from Heller’s Bar to the dock was the best part of the trip: the boat pilot really opened up the engines and we almost flew. (It didn’t hurt that we beat the busses back by over half an hour!) Clouds had started coming over so the air was getting decidedly thick (and stifling) so we were just as glad to head downstairs for dinner. We skipped the show to go up on deck and do some star-gazing as the ship headed back downriver.

DAY SIX: Cruising the Columbia
We spent the night cruising down the Snake River and awoke just as we were going through the “Ice Harbor” Locks. There was a light breeze that turned to a fierce wind as soon as we entered the Columbia. During breakfast we passed through a “Dust Squall” and couldn’t see more than a few feet away from the boat: luckily that didn’t last long but we had high winds (that were sometimes as high as 65 mph) and wind-whipped waves the rest of the day. Robyn and I spent most of the day inside reading although we made it down to the “Paddlewheel Lounge” for the “Name That Tune” Contest. Robyn got 26 out of 27 (but didn’t bother to let anyone know), Luckily, I got 25 correct for a strong second so we were able to collect the grand prize of a T-shirt.
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We went out for a while in the afternoon to witness our transition of the “John Day” locks late in the afternoon. We were held up for a while inside the lock (not a fun experience!) due to a wildfire that was burning perilously close to shore but were eventually allowed to head on as the fire burned away from the river. Another nice dinner and “cheesetastic” show and we were ready to head to bed.
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DAY SEVEN: Mt. Saint Helens.
Our vacation is definitely coming to an end as we had the dreaded “Debarkation Talk” after breakfast as we headed for the industrial town of Longview Washington. We learned something interesting and frankly odd at the port: the big lumber companies load cut logs on giant cargo ships then head to Japan for milling. THEN they send the finished lumber back to the United States! (Can someone please explain to me how this makes economic sense??? Ah well, it seems to be working for Weyrhouser so I guess that‘s why I‘m not a successful big businessman.) At least we’re back on the west side of the Cascades where everything is green and the weather is nice and cool--if too cloudy for my taste.
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Mt. St. Helens exploded on May 18, 1980 and devastated more than 165 square miles of land. A lot of the Weyrhouser land has been re-planted but you can still see bits of devastation here and there. (Someone had a smashed Weyrhouser logging truck in their front yard and you could still see areas where the knocked-down trees have been left to lie where they fell.) Nearer the mountain the land is all now owned by the Feds who are leaving it to recover at its own pace. We visited the Clearwater Ridge Interpretive center. Seeing the mountain from here is an awesome and humbling sight but seeing how quickly the land is recovering is a testament to nature‘s resilience. Seeing smoke come up from the blasted side of the crater is a sight I will carry with me for as long as I live. Just as we were leaving the clouds lifted off the top of the Mt. St. Helens and we were able to glimpse the whole mountain in all her tragic beauty. Anyone traveling near Mt. St. Helens should make a point of spending some time seeing it: I guarantee it will be a life-changing experience for you. They played a video about survivors of Mt. St. Helens on the way home that was interesting--although I’d have rather had time to soak up more scenery like the still-damaged Tootle River. We were back to the boat for a “dinner cruise” and eventually turned back to Longview Washington to dock at that same uninspired industrial port.
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DAY EIGHT: Astoria Oregon
We’re cruising West again toward the mouth of the Columbia as we finally make it up on deck for a mostly cloudy sunrise. The chop of the rising tide won’t let our boat go too far into Gray’s Bay so we have to look at the Columbia Bar from a distance. We boarded our bus for a city tour of Astoria which can only be described as “quaint but lovely” There are 76 homes on the National Historic Registry (in a town of less than 10,000!) and lots of lovely Victorian architecture: too bad there are also lots of VERY STEEP hills so exploring on foot wasn’t an option (for us at least.)
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After our city tour we visited the Astoria Column: this was the last of 12 columns built along the Burlington Northern Railroad (and one of only three still standing). The round column is covered in 14 scenes of local history from the discovery by white men to the building of the railroad. We elected not to climb the steps to the top but got a pretty darn good view from Coxcomb Hill. The panoramas from here are AWESOME! The column was painted with an Italian technique called scraffitto (from which we get the English word “Graffiti“) which is a technique where the artist paints several layers of color then rubs down until he get the color he wants: it makes for a nice sepia-toned effect that would be lovely in full sunlight. From here we visited Fort Clatsop where Lewis and Clark spent the winter. Again, it was amazing to see what primitive conditions these men had to endure for 106 days and they still survived. We were dropped off back at the boat at 11:30 and spent about an hour wandering through the Maritime Museum which has a lot of local marine history and plenty of interactive exhibits for the younger set. This is also one of the few museums that has such a large section devoted to the Coast Guard--the most overlooked and under-appreciated branch of the Military.
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We headed back to the boat for our last lunch then went out again for a bit of exploring on our own--the only time we had to do whatever we wanted. Of course by then it had started to rain and Robyn didn’t have a jacket (my fault) so we just decided to ride the River Trolley up and down the city waterfront to see what we could see. We got some interesting views of this city (and the price is reasonable) but were happy enough to get off when we got back to the Maritime Museum.
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We had a bit of interesting interaction with a couple of our tour mates while we waited for the Trolley. They were a couple in their early 70s from rural Minnesota. We got to talking about our favorite thing on the tour and both agreed that it was the stop at Mt. St. Helens and we all agreed that we were saddened by the fact that the Clearwater Ridge Visitors Center would close come November. The man said: “yeah, they can piss away billions over in Iraq but they can’t find a few dollars to keep a place like that open here at home.” It did my heart good to know that even Middle America is finally getting it about the Iraq war. OK, rant now over, back to the report.
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We got back to the boat too late to hear all of guest speaker Rex Ziak’s talk about Lewis and Clark. He is a local resident who is an author and speaker on all things “Lewis and Clarkian” and he has the gift to make the driest and dullest historical facts come to life. I wish we could have found a place to sit for his talk bout the showroom was full so we just listened in from our cabin. Around 5:30 Robyn put on her finery (and was the hottest looking woman on board if I do soy so myself!) while I scraped my face, put on a blue silk sweater under my navy blazer and we went down for the Captain’s Gala. We each took a glass of (weak) champagne and I had a “White Russian” since the Captain was “buying” for everyone. (Amazingly enough some of the booze hounds aboard managed to pound down four or five drinks in an hour so they were feeling no pain by the time they got to dinner.
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Like almost every cruise the final dinner was Steak and Lobster. Dinner started with a “shrimp and pear” salad that I didn’t think worked well together: next we had a “Fisherman’s Chowder” which I didn’t care for--but I’m no seafood fan. The bacon-wrapped filet was OK but I didn’t finish my lobster. (Some people complained the lobster was “off“ and not many people asked for seconds so maybe there was something to it.) Desert was a chocolate-vanilla marble cake with a hard chocolate ganache shell. It proved too much for even me so I finally gave up as Robyn, Alison and Eris had before me.
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Speaking of Eris, I can’t finish this post without commenting on her current fashion sense. Right now she's very into Japanese anime (cartoons) and manga (comic books) which affects her style. She took a lot of black clothing and even had some of those silly fingerless gloves (in red and black stripes) and had this odd two-pointed hat with a couple of yarn pigtails hanging down. I’m afraid it confused and disturbed many of the oldsters on the boat but Eris just let any criticism slide past. For the final night she chose a blue-and-white polka-dot dress (petticoat included!) trimmed with lace and ribbons and short, puffy leeves. She had an apron with a heart of pale blue lace. Pale blue knee socks (with more lace) platform Mary Janes in black patent leather and a lacy headpiece completed the look. It was cute but Lolita fashion (even “Sweet Lolita” like this ensemble) was a bit disconcerting. Still, I love Eris no matter what she wears: she's sweet, smart and funny and if she wants to dress uniquely I say let her!.
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DAY NINE: Returning home
Since our luggage had to be in the hall by midnight Robyn and I decided to skip the final night festivities and retire to finish packing and try to get some sleep. I wish I could say I slept well but I didn’t. I awoke several times feeling bloated and queasy and I’m afraid I woke Robyn up rather too early. We had our last breakfast (with our favorite waiter Milo who made me a balloon Godzilla for me) then were called for debarkation at 8:00 AM. Debarkation was rather odd: there aren’t many other cruise ships where most of the crew is standing dockside to say goodbye and wish you a good trip home. This odd ritual took about half an hour and we were at the Airport by 9:00 AM.
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It didn’t take long to check in with Alaska Air Lines but we soon learned that we couldn’t check our bags in until four hours before the flight--so we had to find some place to hang for 45 minutes until we could pass our bags to the Air Line. At least Portland has some good shopping (on both sides of the security barrier). Powell’s City of Books had outlets on both sides of the barrier (although I wouldn’t let Robyn go in). We popped into a store called Made in Oregon featuring all kinds of products--made in Oregon of course. (Robyn brought a pair of blue glass earrings.) I bought her some green dichroic glass earrings at a store called The Real Mother Goose Gallery and she bought me a kaleidoscope with pretty blue beads. (It was my only souvenir of the trip.) We hung out for a while then had lunch before boarding the plane a little after One O’clock. (Had a bit of a time when we heard the flight was overbooked and people would be thrown off but luckily that didn’t affect us.) We were on the ground in Orange County by 4:00 PM and home by 5:30 (I had to give the van driver directions.) and glad of it!
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THE CRUISE IN A NUTSHELL
Robyn and I are glad we took the trip but probably wouldn’t do it again--particularly not in a cabin with bunk beds. (Our fault for choosing that cabin style.) The Queen of the West can carry up to 140 passengers (we had 137) and has 53 crew members. I found everything a bit too small: ceilings are a low, hallways narrow and the furniture under scale for someone of my height and bulk. The boat is nicely decorated in the style of a 19th Century River Boat and it has lots of nice touches. Stairways that are too steep with tiny steps. There is one small, slow-moving elevator amidships that is often in use since the average age of cruisers seemed to be over 70. (Robyn, Alison, Eris and I were easily in the bottom 20% of passengers--maybe even the bottom ten.) The staff is kind and attentive and (for the most part) friendly. Dining Room selections are limited to three choices (with baked chicken and plain baked fish as the only alternatives at dinner) but almost everything I had was really tasty and attractively prepared. (Unlike most cruise ships you can’t eat constantly aboard the Queen of the West.) I’m not much of a drinker but I heard several people complain the drinks were “weak.” The outings were fun but several were just too darn short. Some parts of the cruise are quite scenic--even the dry parts have some real beauty. You learn a lot about Lewis and Clark and the Westward expansion of the country but you’d better be a history buff to fully appreciate that part. The cruise is pricey but the experience is completely and everything but alcohol is fully covered.

"Underdog" Doesn't Fly For Adults

Today’s post begins with a fractal image called Patriotic Paisley. The red-white-and-blue color palette seemed to work for a review of Underdog. (Yes, I know I’m reaching here--but picking fractals for this review isn’t as easy as it looks!)
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Underdog began life as a cartoon with limited-animation (very limited) in the 1960s. It was the story of humble “Shoeshine Boy” (voiced by uber-nebbish Wally Cox) who took a blue pill to gain the powers of Underdog, He fought the evil Simon Bar Sinister in "Capitol City" while romancing reporter Polly Purebred. There was no origin story or explanation why evil Dwarf Bar Sinister seemed to be the only human populating a world of dogs (or why Underdog and Shoeshine Boy only spoke in rhyming couplets) but it left us with the famous catch phrase: “Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a frog!”
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In 2007 we finally get the back-story we’ve been wanting for (ha!) as Underdog is re-invented as a live-action movie. In the new big-screen version a nameless bomb-sniffing Police Beagle (voiced by My Name is Earl star Jason Lee) finds himself in disgrace and ends up captured by Simon Bar Sinister (Peter Dinklage) and his musclebound and muscle-headed henchman Cad (Patrick Warburton acting vaguely gay in platinum-blond dye job). An unlikely accident gives the dog super powers. Escaping from Bar Sinister’s lab (and destroying it in the process) the dog is adopted by a sad-sack ex-cop turned Security Guard (who’s character name I have already forgotten) played by Jim Belushi: it’s his idea to name the dog “Shoeshine” (in a nod to the cartoon). The cop has an equally depressed teenage son Jack (played by Alex Neuberger) who is even more disengaged than his father. Jack develops an unlikely friendship with spunky girl reporter Molly (played by an actress I can’t remember) while Shoeshine falls for her King Charles Cavalier Spaniel Polly. Polly has a mad crush on Underdog but only wants friendship from Shoeshine although how she fails to realize both dogs are the same being eludes me. (Dogs are supposed to have keen senses of smell that should have been a dead giveaway.) As the story progresses we see how Underdog got his costume and learn why he speaks in rhyme: eventually Underdog‘s powers come from a little blue pill (although the pills aren‘t in a hidden compartment of a ring). The story wraps up as you’d expect it to with the good guys living happily and the bad guys in jail.
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I had a couple of serious problems with the movie--chief among them that it just wasn’t fun. Peter Dinklage and Patrick Warburton are the only acts who seem to be enjoying their roles. Jim Belushi looks an acts like a complete schlub and there’s no real chemistry between him or the actor playing his son. (At leas they both have the same Chicago accent--a nice touch, for me at least). Alex Neuberger plays a disaffected teenager well but I don’t buy his relationship with Polly, his father or even the dog. The Beagle is cute as can be but the movie spends way too much time watching Underdog develop his powers. It was fun to see bits from Superman and Lady and the Tramp. Sadly, these swiped bits (some might label them an homage) are symptoms of the movie’s complete lack or originality.
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Underdog is a great movie for kids 12 and under: I saw it in a theater full of kids and they all loved it. Adults can tolerate the movie but they’ll likely think they’ve seen it all before. It’s a pleasant-enough diversion but hardly worth going out of your way to see. Rent the DVD when it comes out but don't buy it unless you have children or love dogs.
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FINAL GRADE: C